hey all!

im a 36 yr old disabled male who found out (3 months ago) that my wife is having a affair.

we argued and she attacked me physicaly and well now going through a divorce.

its weird. monday-thursday she acts like nothing is happening and wants to come back and work on it. friday-saturday she ignores me (unless she has kids then wants me around) and treats me like [censored].

she claims they are just "friends" and they don't talk anymore.

today i log into my verizon account (we share one court ordered for the next 2 years since we just signed a contract) and she added her 'friend" to the friends and family..now i have his phone number hehe. to bad i can't find anything out on the bum,(search on the number just says its a cell phone). but i am tempted to talk to him heh

Calling him will be a waste of time. An internet search or PI to get info will help you to get exposure targets.

Go over the recent call records, that will be a boon to your sanity.

A mountain of texts and/or calls is a pretty good sign.

Do you want to divorce or save your marriage?

I want to save the marriage. BUT while she says she is willing to work on it every friday she goes out with him and calls him a lot.

i have asked her to go NC with him and she refuse's saying they are only friends.

i am slowly yet surely getting it in my head that this is over.

It's not necessarily over. You can kill the affair if you do certain things. The number one thing to do is expose. You must inform anyone who can put pressure on the affair to end, which means you must tell her family and the OM's wife, if he has one. Or his girlfriend, if he has one.

But that step is critical. If you don't expose you'll simply drag out the pain because she is going to do as she wishes without exposure.

the OM has OCD and has no friends. his only family is his sister but i can't find much about the guy. there are 14 people with is name around here and i can't find out wich. sure i have his phone number but even that just comes up as a cell phone in the area.

My wife's family knows and while they don't support her on it they telling her to be happy. even though it is destroying her life.

hell my wife's older sister did the same [censored] to her husband. she found another guy. had her husband move out and the new guy in within a month. so she won't tell her its a bad thing.

Its majorly frustrating knowing a 12 yr marriage and 20 yr relationship is doomed and there is nothing i can do.

dd, if there are 14 people with his name around you, he's got relatives. You don't sound like you're interested in killing this A. But I'll give you some direction if you do want to expose:
www.intelius.com
Type the guy's name, city & state in the boxes and see what you can get. This site returns info about the person, as well as related names. Those will be your targets for exposure.

How do you know this? Did your WW tell you? One reality and certainty about a WS is that they ALL lie.

Have you discussed exposure with your WW? Don't.

Get the book "Surviving an Affair" TODAY! It's very inexpensive but worth its weight in gold. This will help you develop a plan.

I'm a little concerned that your WW is abusive to you. What happened with that? Is this something that she's done before?

How old are your children?

Whatever you do, don't tell your WW about MB.

Welcome.

Do you have kids?

DD,

the OM has OCD and has no friends.

I just love the BS stories these OM tell their prey, anything which might create sympathy they will say. OM is already a proven liar, your W just doesn't believe OM would lie to her.

God Bless
Gamma

its not my WW telling me that about him.

she worked with a friend of ours with him at a company. this friend of ours really does not like the guy. he gives her the creeps. When my wife was talking with him she tried her best to get her to leave him alone but she wouldn't. Seems the guy would join them for lunch adn talk with them.

from what my friend has said. he is OCD and HATES children (wich will make any long term relationship with my wife bad since we have 2 kids). I do believe what our friend is telling me. i have known her 24 years (knew her before i got to know my wife) and have known her well enough to know she wouldn't lie to me about this.


"I'm a little concerned that your WW is abusive to you. What happened with that? Is this something that she's done before?
How old are your children?
Whatever you do, don't tell your WW about MB.
Welcome."

She has done it before. she gets mad then loses control. About every 6-8 months it would happen. But the last 2 times she has got more violent.

we have 2 kids (4yr old boy and 8yr old girl). she has not hit them..yet. but i have been the stay at home parent and always stepping in when she starts yelling at them. I do worry if she gets to much time with them that something will happen. but since nothing has yet there is only so much i can do.


I was on another forum for infidelity. but between the fact my wife found it and the mods refused to change my handle. Then the mods were being rude to a few users and calling them names in public and they banned users who spoke up for them. I had enough with the unprofessional mods and haven't been back after the ban. I am sure its permanent after my emails and i did try to log in under a different name to tell the users thanks for the help they did give me.

I'm not sure how this info affects that fact that your WW is having an A with him. Can you elaborate on why you think this info means anything one way or another?

to be honest it means nothing to me. I guess its a mean streak in me thinking that its good because it dooms that relationship. though from what i have read most relationships that are started from an affair are doomed.

though i have custody of the kids so who knows. actually who cares?

getting to the point that i just wan the divorce and move on with my life.

So what do you want? How can we help you?