My Husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 11. Things have been really hard on us the past few years. His business has really suffered from the economy and I stayed at home with our two boys. One of our boys has Autism and has taken a lot of our energy. We don't argue a lot but my husband has a lot of resentments toward me for how controlling I was early in our marriage. He just told me a couple of weeks ago that he hasn't loved me in 2 years. I later found out that he has been talking to an ex-girlfriend from highschool who found him on Facebook. He has been so cruel telling me the ways I haven't measured up and he told me he has spend every moment possible texting or chatting with this woman. he isn't sure he wants to work on our marriage. I am so broken. She lives in aother state and is in an unhappy marriage. There is no way the two of them can be together because of the kids involved. I am going crazy trying to catch him in lies and sneeaking into his accounts. This is making me lose my mind and focus on all the wrong things. He says hs isn't talking to her, but I think he is just hiding it. He is so shut down and wont go back to councseling. not sure how to proceed or regain my sanity.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, gr8. Sorry you have to be here.

Your H appears to be in an Emotional Affair. You will need to start doing some heavy-duty snooping in order to get all the info about this A. For now, be as pleasant to him as you can be. Don't talk to him about the OW or let on that you are concerned about his faithfulness either way. You don't want to put him on notice that you are suspicious. If you do, he'll take his A further underground and it will be more difficult to get the info you'll need.

Here's how to get started:

1. Get a keylogger. Go online to www.spectorpro.com and order the download. It takes just a few minutes to buy, and is easy to install. It runs in stealth mode, so he won't be able to detect it on the computer.

2. Get a VAR (voice-activated recorder). After you get it let us know and we'll help you figure out a place to hide it in his car. Most waywards need conversation with their AP (affair partner) and he more than likely can only talk to her when he's alone in his car. Don't get the cheap one - the reception is poor. Plan to spend around $75-100 for this.

3. Have you snooped in his car for cards, notes, email copies? Do so.

4. Can you get into his FB account without his knowledge? Go to the OW's page and copy all of her friends. You will need this info later.

5. Telling you he's been unhappy for two years is called 'rewriting marital history.' He's doing this in order to justify this A. Don't buy any of it. He's lying.

6. Read the articles on this site. There are tools here that will help you kill this A when you use them correctly. We'll help you, too.

You've come to the right place, gr8.

Scotty just bumped a thread to help you. It's below yours, called Thread to Help Newly Betrayed Posters. Read through it.

gr8, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry you are here. Please listen to maritalbliss' excellent advice and slap a keylogger on his computer. A good, non-detectable one is eblaster at spectorpro.com. It costs about $100 but is invaluable.

You only have to access your H's computer ONCE to install it, because it will email hourly reports to your email. I would suggest, though, setting up a web-based email account that doesn't download to your computer, lest he find it. Go to gmail or yahoo.

In the meantime, STOP accusing him. Just get the goods and come back here. We will help you with next steps.

And get Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair ASAP and read it so the advice we give makes sense. They sell it cheap on this website or you can get it at the bookstore or library.

Here is a good article and video about how to survive infidelity: How To Survive Infidelity

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