You're right. I doubt there is a chance, even 1 percent, that she commits to our marriage and comes back this weekend. When I logically think about things, I know that is true. Sometimes my non logical side wins over. That is why I come here, for the dose of reality.

Um, read Humbled's thread and read about how much he wanted her to reach the decision to go no contact on her own. Then see what happened once he followed our advice.

Exposure killed the affair.

We haven't heard from him in a bit, but the results of the affair exposure speak for themselves.

Think about how crazy this is:

You're asking your wife to please stop communicating with a man she's had an affair with.

Gosh, honey, could you please stop being unfaithful? That would be great.

C'mon! Grow a pair and take action. Go to plan B, get a lawyer and file for the return of your child to the marital home!

Just to be clear, it may be semantics, but I didn't ask her, I gave her the offer to come home before I go to plan B, which will be next week. I didn't mention PLan B to her. And my son does live with me in the marital home. She watches him when I am at work.

But I am taking the advice I have been given on here. I gave her one last chance before I involved a lawyer. Will she come back home right now? Mostl likely not. But I wanted to have made the offer.

I have been gone for awhile and although i regret it, didn't follow the advice as it was laid out. I thought my wife had seen the light on multiple occasions and that she was going to come back and work on our marriage. First it seemed like me treating her nicely had opened her eyes. She said she was seriously considering coming back and having NC with OM. She even read some of Surviving an Affair. But then she went back into the fog. About a week later, she called crying because she found out the OM lied about calling his wife. My WW told the OM he may never see her again. The way she was acting, I had foolishly hoped she would be back that night. But his excuses for lying apparently satisfied her. Her conscience gets to her sometimes, but not enough to come back. She has trouble sleeping, gets headaches and is sick more than usual. I thought the guilt would be enough.
When I tell her she needs to end the affair she says she is confused and doesn't want to be rushed to make the most important decision of her life. But I have waited for almost four months and can't wait any longer. It is way too emotionally draining. It will be hard not spending the holidays with her family for the first time in 9 years. They have been very supportive of me through all this and very angry at my WW. But it is what I have to do I think.

You want to save your marriage or have a pitty party?

You cna still do all the things you were told to do before now.

Have you exposed? If yes who?

Not looking for a pity party at all. I was just updating and talking it out to convince myself to end contact with her. I did do some of the things I was told. I exposed. Everyone in my WW's family knows and her friends. They are not happy with her. Some family members and friends have stopped talking to her. Others are still voicing disapproval. Members of the OM's family and his wife know as well. Their former place of employment knows too. The OM was fired. I just didn't institute plan B yet, which I probably should have done awhile ago.

So you are going to plan B? Good for you remember to find an IM

and

NO texts
NO emails
NO facebook
NOTHING

go dark and stay dark

Buckeye,

Time to hit while she's weak. That means go to Plan B right now. Your letter lays out the criteria for a return. It is now time to quit talking to her and do Plan B.

By going dark you remove the little bit of affection she gets from you. It forces her to get it all from OM. He's looking at dumping your WW.

So go dark. The time to strike is not when she's strong. She's weak right now and plan B would really push up the pressure.

Yes, I am going to Plan B. I just don't know when. I logically think i should do it right now, but something is holding me back. Probably fear.

One question though. What do I do about the money situation? We have joint car insurance, a car payment I am a co-signer on and a mortgage. Should I take her off my car insurance? And should I demand money from her to help pay for things? She doesn't make much right now, only has a part time job. She has almost no money in her personal bank account.

Question: are you paying for anything for her? Where is she living? How is she paying for her living expenses? Are you giving her money?
You need to withdraw the bulk of your money from any joint checking and savings accounts and put the money in an account that only you can access.
No marital money should be used to finance the affair. That needs to be taken care of immediately if you haven't done so already. Make sure she understands that your marital money will not finance her affair. If she wants to live in an apartment away from you, she is welcome to do so. And she's welcome to pay for it. This needs to be part of your Plan B.
Do this first. Take care of the car insurance after that.

Okay, I went back and got caught up on your thread. Buckeye, do you want to save this marriage or not??? What have you been doing the past two months?? Your last post could have been was written two months ago!

Plan B.

No contact with the wayward. Use IM's only.

Get that woman out of your house. She is not to come inside. That will meet an EN for her! Make other child care arrangements! She can watch your son at her parents' while you work, then you can pick him up.

No financing the A. Close all joint accounts.

You are going to lose your M unless you decide to man up, here, buckeye. Start driving this bus instead of letting your WW drive all over you!