Thank you MB. I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I just KNOW that Jealousy has been at her wit's end with what to do. She doesn't want a D. Might she in the future? Could be. Right now though, she wants to try to save her marriage. I know that there are differing views on what marriages people should recover, but even DrH himself has stated that he doesn't know which marriages can be saved and which ones can not.

I thank everyone for their help.

THANK YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.



I forgot that she said she would be away tonight, so please don't take her silence as someone who isn't listening. I sent her a message on FB to let her know that she has a BUNCH of AWESOME posts. You guys ROCK.

Tonight, Bampot called DS10. I hear DS10 say, "But I don't WANT to let you go." Then, "Fine, okay, good bye."

He says, "Daddy hung up with me because I was eating but I didn't want to. I say, "You could always call him back when you are done." He says, "I don't want to." I said, "Okay."

Then I am sitting here and I realize, I AM DOING IT. I am living without Bampot. I have been doing it for almost a year. AND THE BEST PART, I HAVE BEEN FINE. Some moments were GREAT, others HORRIBLE, but for the most part, it has been OKAY and that is the best I could expect transitioning like this.

I have had some pretty bad days, but I made it through. I want to thank you all for that.

Here's looking forward to a bright future.

BTW, only because the children have mentioned it, WF has not been coming in the car with Bampot in 3 weeks. Not that I care, I am just keeping this story up to date. Okay, I thought about it a couple of times, as a thing that made me go, "huh?" But I moved on from it.

Wow!
I am impressed.

It was just a moment when I was sitting here, TV on, children sitting beside me on the couch and it HIT me. I am okay. Every little step that I have taken have amounted to a lot more than I ever imagined. I never thought, a year ago, deep in Plan A that I would feel this way TODAY.

My life is no where near where I want it to be, but it is definitely not where it was, and for me and my family it is BETTER than it was.

Just the other day, someone thanked me for being so "passionate" about things. I was like, "Huh! I have always thought I was opinionated. Passionate is BETTER."

I even have found JOY in some things, especially every moment that I have with the kiddos, except when they are driving me nutty

Ya, Plan B is somewhere no one wants to be BUT it is the best place/plan to be in if given the situation of a wayward spouse (after a decent plan A).

and

there IS magic in it. Magic that we would never have touch us if not given this very bitter pill. Magic of finding out what we are truly made of. Magic of self respect. Magic of self defining moments.

YK? Yes you do!

Yes reading, I sure DO. And, when you are in Plan A suffering, you can NEVER imagine feeling OKAY ever again. It definitely takes TIME. AND it is good to change small things and see how quickly they add to something more.

I always was in awe of single mothers. I could NEVER imagine how hard it was. Now, I have been one. And I have a greater understanding that you just do what you need to. When no one else is around YOU are the responsible one. I could be angry(and sometimes I am) with Bampot because he left me ALONE. Sometimes, I even feel sorry for him. He doesn't get to be a part of their lives everyday. He doesn't get to be there when they learn new things. And the longer he is gone, the less he knows about them. That is HIS choice and something that HE will need to deal with. I am making the best life for my children that I possibly can. In the process, I am also making the best life possible for ME.

Thanx guys. And DrH is a GENIUS. I haven't said it for a while.

Amen!

I often just read parts of your thread Scotty; when I am feeling particularly down. I look to you for inspiration because you have done it; and you have done it so very well.

Thanks for all of your sharing, advice, and support!!!

Yep. A Plan B, correctly executed, is always successful. It preserves love in the betrayed spouse's heart if the unfaithful spouse returns whole-heartedly to the marriage, committed to a recovery program. It teaches the betrayed spouse how to live without the unfaithful spouse if they don't return, and also ensures that the betrayed spouse can leave the marriage with no regrets if the unfaithful spouse fails to do the right thing.

Grats Scotty..never had any doubts you would come out of this healthier,

No close encounters of the wayturd kind.

Today, while I was at work, a lady told me that she has NEVER seen me look better. She can see the sparkle in my eyes. Then I said, "Really? I am actually very tired and sore today. Thanx." If I look good on a day when I am feeling horrible, I must look AWESOME on good days. HEHEHEHEHE

Sent the boys with Bampot yesterday. They come home. They were wearing hoodies. I notice that DS7's hair isn't in his face. They got haircuts. It was funny because they wouldn't let me get their hair cut. I forgot how much DS7 looks like Bampot. DS10 is showing his own sense of style by the cut he chose. It is short on the sides and back but long in the front.

On another note, a much less important one, OW still isn't coming in the car for drop offs and pick ups. I only know because DSx2 tell me.

DS10 told me yesterday that OW didn't go anywhere with them and that she didn't even talk to them all day. I don't know how someone does that to children. Not that I want them to like her, but I always wish for my children to be treated well. What am I saying? She has NEVER treated them with respect. She had no problem with her side of tearing their family apart.

DS10 also told me that he doesn't like going there. They are not allowed to play. If they bring toys over(LEGO, Nerf Guns, Silly putty, etc ) they are told that they need to leave it in the car. I told them that I was sorry that they didn't have fun over there. I also told them not to be afraid to tell their father their feelings. To this, DS10 said, "I HAVE, he just doesn't care." Then he said that it isn't that he doesn't want to see his father, it's just that they don't do anything fun and Bampot keeps telling them he is going to take them places and he doesn't. I told him I am sorry that he has to deal with that. And then I gave him a hug.

Ran into someone else who knows Bampot and told him about the affair. Apparently, the grapevine has been working, he already knew and he was living in Ottawa(8hours away) until last month. I almost didn't recognize him as he had lost 140 pounds. He looked amazing and he commented on my weight loss too. He told me that the next time he sees Bampot, he will give him a piece of his mind, I told him to go for it.

Thats very good news Scotty, except the part about the kids not having fun and what they have to go though over there.

The rest though sounds great.

Hope your weekend is working out well.

This is today's grieving affirmation email, from the mortuary:


I just wanted you to know, and anyone else reading your thread for support/comfort/inspiration ...

It Get's Better

Make a promise to yourself, and keep it!

I love this Pep. It is true Scottie that your life is only going to get better. I am honestly very surprised he has stayed gone as long as he has. However, you will be ok even if he never comes home.

When I think of where I was a year ago compared to now....well, it makes me want to weep with joy. Some days are so dark you think you will never see sunlight again. Sun does return though....and one friend told another this recently....'there will come a time when these days and this pain will not even be brought to your mind.' I take great comfort in that.

You are so strong - I hope I can be just as strong as you.

I know you'll appreciate this. I got a call from the pharmacy saying that a prescription is ready for pick up. I hadn't called in a prescription so I asked who it was for. The pharmacist said "D!cK" and I asked what it was. He said "antibiotic ointment." I gave him [censored]'s cell and said to use this number from now on.

I have such mean thoughts of D!ck having a burning infection on his -- well -- d!ck. Serves him and her right. Hope it's very, very contagious!!!! lol

Play with fire and you're bound to get burned.

HH could it fall off? HAHAHAHAHA

Thanx guys.

SW, I know that these moments will be but blips on my radar when I am older. I heard someone say, "We are made up of both the good and bad experiences in life, but we are defined by the choices we make regardless of those experiences." I think I AGREE.

Smileygirl, you are. You will become stronger. Keep your head held high. Go girl.

No, really..

Scotland, I�ve been meaning to pop in and tell you want I meant by the �mean� comment on Harmony�s thread.

As you know, I took a fair number of hits and kept coming back. Even the ones I thought were mean-spirited didn�t dissuade me.

The posts that I found most demoralizing were the ones where people said they weren�t going to post to me anymore. I remember one in particular where I put my head down and sobbed thinking I was so hopeless and irreedeemable that it wasn�t enough that someone was giving up on me � they needed to tell me they were giving up on me.

I was in a terrible state � TERRIBLE � and that message hurt the most.

So that was what I was reacting to on Harmony�s thread. She may not have the same reaction to that message that I did though.

Just wanted to clarify.

I continue to admire your rockedness.