Hi all...I've been around this since the 90s, complaining about lack of intimacy, respect for each other. Well this month H moved out (his decision). I was all against it at first, then I thought this is ok because we're treating each other like human beings now, it had really been bad lately, just existing in the same house without much contact. He comes home every night to see DS (10).

Before he moved out I found texts from a woman at work that were more than casual acquaintance...not lovey dovey but more like "how was your day"...he admitted he had confided in her and actually told his therapist about it because it bothered him. He met her one day when he said he was going surfing...now insists he cut off all conversation more than saying Hi. I'm fairly confident that's true but I would like to see if he'd let me read his texts. I want to save this marriage for my son, I don't want to go back to how it was for many years (going on 19) He says he's not interested in divorce just needs time on his own. But that's wayward talk right? Sometimes I think I'd rather just go to plan D. He's very self-centered. I wasn't a sweetheart either but he had much worse role models for a great marriage. We go to therapists separately and I'm setting one up for the both of us (again, I can't count the amount of counseling we've had. But we really like our IC so that's a plus.

me 45
h 46
married almost 19 yrs
separated recently

Cabbages...Sorry but usu. the "time on my own" means "time to be wayward." ...It seems very suspicious...Now that he has already moved out I would think the best plan would be for you to do a Plan A while snooping for evidence of his affair....

That is if you want to save your M and to me it sounds like you do....Wait for some more opinions cuz I am a little rusty. I am sure since you have been registered a while that you have read up on the plans and such....I am so sorry and hope you keep posting on here for support..

i was thinking that too sh, but life was pretty crappy being in the same house...i almost believe after all the years of counseling, books, video, retreats, etc. that he couldn't take it anymore, (losing sleep drinking more). he doesn't see how we can work it out, and i guess i can't blame him for that. but unfortunately when you can't see how something will work out you don't really try. he comes home every day tho, and i'm beginning to wish he didn't. just for the "how can i miss you if you won't leave" thing.

I know i have to decide whether i want to fight for this marriage any longer. he certainly hasn't made changes to show he is. how do you know when it's time to give up?

When you are ready to give up, you know....and from the sounds of it it doesnt sound like you are...you have a young child so it may be worth the fight...The counseling and stuff, was any of that with the Harleys?