A while back I had some serious issues with my father. Well, he moved out and in with his current girlfriend (this is the third or fourth he's done this with), and so I thought my problems were over.


Not so much. The money-crunch that came shortly afterwords(sp?) had everyone on edge and now I find that my grandmother is behaving the same way as my father used to.


Let's just say, threats have been made in my direction. And the direction of my computer (the latter because I stay up late, go figure. ) and leave it at that. Of course an hour after all this I'm expected to hug and make up.


The plan is to move in with the boyfriend (yes, I know you are all against this sort of thing, but I have nowhere else to go), until I can perhaps get an apartment or roommate.


My questions are about how to handle the family's reaction when I go through with this, and what red-flags there might be on the whole roommate thing (though obviously I would only get female roommates). IE, the roommate equivalent of the real-estate red flags "as-is" or "fixer-upper."


Would I qualify for any aid if I moved into an apartment alone, though?


Who do I mail to get copies of important documents (birth certificate, et al)?

1. What is the family reaction you're anticipating?

2. The best roommate situation I was ever in was opposite-shifts, so if you can find someone who will be in the house when you are out and vice-versa, I'd say grab it! We had strict rules on common areas, so find someone who agrees on those.

3. I have no idea. Call the people you're wanting aid from, and ask the rules.

4. Are you in the US? Vital records dept of the county or state where the event (birth, death, marriage, etc) occurred. You can google the terms (for instance: birth certificates New Mexico) and click on whatever pops up that has a .gov address, all the info will be there. But again, that's in the US.

1. Harassing phone calls and so on, to "talk sense into me." Perhaps coming to my place of work, too, since they frequent that place. They don't know where my boyfriend lives, so they couldn't just show up.

2. Okay, sounds like a good plan.

3. Thanks.

4. Yes, I was born in the U.S. I'll go and Google it now.

1. "Thank you so much for your concern. I have already heavily considered everything you are saying now and I have made the best decision for myself at this time. Again, thank you, it means a lot to me that you care."

IF there is a chance that you can stay put for a while, explore that now rather than later. If g-ma is getting testy, tell her your plans now and why you're making them. Maybe you can come to some agreement that works for everyone.

I've already done that and all she will say is "there's the door, you can go if you want, #$$ ".

Then go. Who are you worried about 'trying to talk sense into you'? Your g-ma? Your dad who already moved out? Who?

An uncle of mine. He's given me a talk before when I tried to leave, IE.... "You'll kill her if you leave" "she can't make it financially without you there" ...etc etc...

I have a natural tendency to listen to such nonsense.

Reminds me, how do I block a number from my phone? What menu item is that typically listed under on the phone?

Call your provider. Is it her son who is guilt-tripping you? Tell him, "Oh, I know, I've been worried about that, but your overwhelming concern tells me you'll take care of it! You're golden! I'm real busy, gotta run, but thanks for all you do for g-ma! Much love!" *click*

Karma:

Wern't you going to Colorado, previously?

Don't you technically "own" the house that you are living in right now?

Yes, you live with whacked people, but you don't have to react the same way anymore.

Your grandmother will not "die" if you are not there.
Your "Unkle" is continuing to mainipulate you, because it works...
It takes ALONG time to break the cycle that you are in.

You can see the bad behaviors and the lousy outcomes of generations in your household.

MB is giving you a peek into a world that things CAN be better.

You need to surround yourself with people that help you to become BETTER, not try to make you stay the same.

Moving in with your boyfriend is a bad idea. If you need to move out, than arrange to move out with a girlfriend.

Once you are at the boyfriends, what reason do you have to go?

LG

The problem is that I don't have any close girlfriends.

ALL my close friends are guys.

The plan was to go to Colorado before, but...well, boyfriend changed that idea. It was after my failed attempt that we started dating.

The situation with him would only be temporary until I could find a roommate or room to rent since I haven't got the money at the moment to move into an apartment. ($400 sec. deposit, $150 pet deposit, not to mention the application+background check fees)

I don't want to ruin things with him by having lived with him, but if the situation gets much worse there won't have been much of a choice.

But on craigslist, here's the thing. Looking for a roommate or room to rent, what are some red flags I should look for? If I can find a roommate or room to rent pronto, I might not have to move in with him.

I would not look on craigslist, for starters.

Nurses make good roomies because of the working hours--try a local hospital or even better, a local college with a nursing program. Our school has postings all over the bulletin boards looking for a roommate, and with the new age of college 'kids', most of these folks are actually adults!

Just imagine a roommate who attends class all day and works all night...mmm...

You could ask at the hospital if you can put up "Room wanted" flyer in the nurse break room, or head down there and volunteer and make real friends!

A local paper, imho, is a safer place to look than craigs.

It's funny you should say that, just last night I was watching Scrubs, and it was an episode where one of them, the woman (I don't watch it very often), blonde--hadn't been able to pay her rent, was looking for a roomie, didn't have time to look for another apartment, so put an ad up in the breakroom.

Maybe it was a sign?

Wouldn't hurt to check it out, eh?

karmarose-

I don't know where you live, but you might also check and see if there are any "mother-in-law" or basement apartments that someone might be renting. MIL apartments are either above the garage or attached dwellings that are similar to a "studio" apartment-with a small kitchenette and living space and bathroom. Often times, these units are furnished.

Check online with your local newspaper.

Most of the time the landlords are looking for someone who is employed, quiet (not going to invite lots of friends over etc)
and can take care of themselves ie. pay their own bills, do their own laundry, etc.

Just a thought-

Planning to make the move today. Let's hope I can summon the intestinal fortitude to muscle through the fear and do this.

{Patting you on the back and giving you a gentle shove...}