I am really an emotional wreck...in my other post NEED ADVICE PLZ I explained the situation...My hubby was diagnosed with clinical depression...hasnt seen a doctor or gone to counseling for it. He had an appt Tues Nov 16 but didnt show up....says now there is no point..

I have been a WRECK..an emotional wreck..I cry every night, my mind goes a million miles per min...wondering if this was the right things to do...but I have come to thought that he can't work on his depression and take care of his family or take care of his family and not work on his depression..one of those will be neglected...I keep thinking this is the right thing for the BOTH of us...

How do I cope? I stay stuck in this house 24/7..I don't do much..and I haven't visited my friends in awhile....I have a counseling appt for myself on Nov. 29th..I believe it might do me some good and help me put things into perspective...

Any advice? Thanks!

Joanie, are you familiar with the concept of "detachment?" It's something they teach in Al-Anon, and elsewhere. Basically, it's about not getting angry, and not getting yourself all twisted around the axle because of somebody else.

A very good (but lengthy) article about detachment can be found here.

The Al-Anon web site has a number of articles on "detaching with love." While their focus is specific, if you remove the words "alcohol" and "alcoholic" and substitute them with the words of your choice, you can find a lot of help there, too.

Detaching can be your first step into recovery. Marriage Builders is all about recovery. Today could be the first day of yours...

Fred--

Thank for those articles!! I read the one about Detachment and yes I must say its hard to "detach" yourself from someone you so care about...but if one doesn't help themselves then you have to let go like I am doing so they can work on bettering themselves! He needs to quit coming over here and manipulating me and saying, why?..why are you doing this to me?? You dont care about the marriage..or he would say I never cared or loved him in the first place...crying and crying and crying!!! His crying kills me cause I have so much compassion! I think that's my biggest downfall!!!

Joanie,

I've been over the past month an emotional wreck. Mood swings ranging from anger, sadness, depression, fear, etc through almost every emotion every single day. It's an emotional roller coaster that I haven't managed to get myself off of yet. Heck, it will probably be like this for quite a long time.

BUT.. (and there's always a but) the only time I'm been emotionally consistent, positive and somewhat "happy" is when and shortly after I exercise. I started working out hard just a week before she told me I wanted a divorce and I haven't stopped since. It's the ONLY thing that's kept me somewhat even throughout the day. Exercise (whether you like it or not) releases endorphins which for lack of a better explanation, regulate your emotions and make you happy. Don't get me wrong, I hate working out, always have but it helps.... A LOT. Just thought I'd throw you that tip, it's helped me.

Travis

Joanie, I think you mentioned openness to getting a prescription for some sort of anti-depression medication in your other thread. I would suggest you pursue this. You have a lot to think about and it's difficult to do so with the depression mounting. Many of us, myself included, have gone to AD's as a temporary measure to get through the intense pain of our spouse's adultery; I see your situation as not much different in that regard. For me it was a few weeks until I could see things a little more clearly and I started getting some sleep.

Something to consider.

opt

Thanks to all who responded...

I believe thats what I may do..its to get AD's...because being here reminds me too much of memories and its bringing me down..good thing I have a counseling apt...this will also help me to put things into perspective...as far as exercising..errmm if I had enough strength to do that I would...this is a very hard thing to go through:(...but when you know its for the best...it kinda helps...when I sit in this house knowing he has a day off from work I pray he doesn't show up here...when he shows up..omg it makes matters worse on me!! It is so nice to talk to people who have been through the same thing as I have!!

OPT- Why is my situation not much different than adultery??

To each his/her own but I would suggest that exercise could be almost anything. If you go for a walk every day, that'll help get you moving and possibly your mind off your problems at least for a little while. :-) You can do it Joanie!

Travis

Well in that case Travis..I think I can too !!! ...I have already lost a bit of weight...but I think walking would be a good thing!! Thanks Travis for your insight!

I totally agree with Travis about the exercise and would like to point out that I believe most of these issues (depression, pain, etc) should be addressed from a number of angles; medication being only one of several interventions. You're going to do some counseling, that's great! A journal/writing would be another intervention to employ. This online support group is another. Exercise would be a fantastic addition to the tool bag.


Anyway, to your question: just saying that depression itself is natural and common in many of the situations we all go through here at MB, the "club nobody ever wanted to join." I can see why I confused you - I didn't say it right at all.

Opt

Fantastic attitude Joanie, that's great! And good job on the weight loss! I've dropped a bit myself and I'm happy no matter the reason that caused it.

Thanks all very much! I am just taking things a day at a time..I still haven't filed yet for D, but I am going to go thru Legal Aid which they only do this on Tuesdays. This past Tues. I was picking up the phone, then I put it down..I must have done this several times....I don't know why I keep doing this???

It's because it's hard. It's not easy to end any marriage much less one that you've been in for a long period of time. But... if you've already decided, it's best to just rip the damn band-aid off. It hurts but in the end, it's better to just rip the damn thing off me thinks. Hope so anyway. In the mean time, one day at a time is just about right!

Travis

Travis,

Yeah maybe your right..just to get it over with I guess. It is very hard..man does it hurt! I really loved the guy but...I can't be put on the back-burner either. No attention, he blames it on his depression...he says it aint worth going to counseling or the doctor anymore cause I don't wanna be with him...he thinks I dont care or love him anymore which that isnt the case at all...this is difficult on me...

I do not know where to go from here...I mean I am living in this house we bought, he is with his mom...I HATE using his finances...I can't find a darn job...been turned down like 8 times...ugh!!!!