SB, if you read through my thread, you will see that about 10 days in, Pepperband pretty much told me the same thing. I NEEDED that. BUT that wasn't why I did it to Harmony. Harmony was telling people that were telling her things that were not, "There there dear." to get off of her thread. I was telling her that I knew that what I had just posted was not going to make her happy and before she had the chance to throw me off of her thread that I was going to go off myself.

You see, I was ANGRY with her. Especially when I read that she had told OM about this place. Do you know what that means? There are people who would LOVE to tell our Wayward spouses about what we are doing here. This place could be LOST for MANY of US BSs. Then where would WE go? What would WE do? I was so angry over that. I felt like she had just sent the fox into the henhouse. I was SCARED. Now do you see why I would react that way? I think I was actually quite tame.

It really didn't bother me about what you wrote to me on her thread. And as you see, I didn't cut and run. Even if I didn't post to her, I still would have read and routed for her well being. The only people that I ignore are the posters who are in an affairage(I am NOT going to help an affair LAST) and people who are abusive on the boards to the other members, especially the vets.

{{{{Scottie}}}}}

Ya know, when you first got here, you were just like most of us BS's....scared, hurt, confused, and all the other emotions infidelity puts on the Betrayed Spouse....

Then you learned....

and grew.....

and blossomed.....

You became the "Lighthouse" for Bampot and your marriage.

But something else happened...

You became the "Lighthouse" for YOU

and each and every BS who has walked in here since then....

I wish I could tell you the ending of your story....

I wish I knew how it ended....

But then again, all I have to do is see how you handle each and every day....

And I already know how it will end......



Not

With me in a pine box.

Thanx Not.

I am just really good at following directions, especially when they make so much sense. I have ALL of YOU to thank.

Dang, not, you shore do talk purty. Not is right, Scotty!

I am old and sometimes I am crabby.
I have "wasted" a lot of my time with heart-felt generous posts to people who never intended to listen. I like to weed those non-listening folks out sooner rather than later.
I do it for my benefit.
I've decided I'm worth it.

I did the same thing with the non-married woman who is calling her live in BF (that she cheated on) her "spouse". She insulted MY 29 year marriage by saying it is "just a piece of paper".
Until she changes her tune, I will not waste my time.
But, I do wish her well.
I do not wish her pain.
I wish she had more wisdom than she has AT HER AGE !!!

Anyone who comes to a site titled MARRIAGE BUILDERS and then proceeds to insult married people .... has a bigger problem than others refusing to post to them.

yanno

HEHEHEHEHE I laffed at that Pep because I get MAD MAD MAD about that too. Not even just on here but IRL. My friend says, "It's the same thing." I respond with, "You're not married, so how would you know?"

I DO know.
I was in a fourteen year relationship prior to marriage. It was sick.

I've been married for 29 years. It is NOT the same.

Voice of experience.
And, just common sense, too.

Did you see what I'm doing today?

CONCRETE !!!!!!! (on FB)

All that AND she's a smart-a$$!!!!!!!

Take the compliment deary.....it suits you.......

Not

I sure AM a smart azz. But YOU love me.

Sure do.....smart-a$$ and all......

Scotty is a beautiful, smart and funny lady inside and OUTside. Love you!

that's why NOT likes you.... takes one smartazz to know another :oP

STB4, I am HONOURED(yea I used a U in there) to be in the same group as Not.

Okay, so I have been thinking about this since SW wrote it. I believe that there is a reason that Bampot has not tried to some home and MOST IMPORTANTLY it is because I pray for it. You see, when I a praying, I ask for Bampot to come home when he is ready to follow MB and meet the conditions that I have for recovery. Until he meets this, I don't want him home.

Okay, now there is something else I was thinking about. I know I am in Plan B. I want to do something. Not necessarily something that I am even going to know happens.

My MIL sent me a message the other day on FB asking how the boys and I were holding up. This is the second time she has asked me that. As far as I know, she is the only person in Bampot's life, pre-A that he still talks to. I told her we were doing as best as can be expected. I was wondering if I should go more in depth into it. I thought about writing a more in depth message in the hopes that she will not accept OW and that she MAY step in to have a talk with her son. I do NOT know if she has talked to him, I only know what she told me before, that she wouldn't get involved. I would not even KNOW that she does anything NOW, I just want the best chance that I can get her on the side of good rather than being SWISS.

Tell me if you think I should let it lie. Just something I thought about. It was all of this talk on Limbo's thread about not wanting the OP in your children's lives even if your marriage didn't recover. That is ABSOLUTELY true with WF.

I would think, a good strategy of Plan B is to keep people close to you who can be either supportive of your Plans, and/or useful to your Plans.

MIL ... seems like she is a decent woman.
Befriend her even more.
Do a random act of kindness towards her.
Without asking her to do anything for you.



A. It's a good thing to be kind.
B. Your good will toward MIL will become a wedgie in Bampot's bum.


Do not bring up OW with MIL.
Talk about your current life.
The boys.
Your hopes and dreams.
OW is a non-topic.
Call her and brag about the kids.
Call her and brag about yourself.
Call her and ask her for a recipe.
Call her and ask for a "girl date" "just for fun" and assure her that you only want to enjoy her company and that her son will not be a topic of conversation.

This is the kind of thing that I wanted.

I wasn't going to talk about Bampot or OW AT ALL. I would have actually asked her NOT to talk about Bampot, if she brought him up. Hmmmm, I think that it is time I asked her over for dinner. You see, MIL has NEVER been here. I think it is about time. It wasn't that she was not welcome, she just never asked and Bampot never offered. She came by once, but Bampot was on his way out and only let her in the driveway. It was AWFUL and I have always felt badly about it. I think it will be after I have decorated for Xmas and I get the 40in TV up.

Thanx Pep. Something to look forward to.

Awesome advice, Pep! Scotty, if I had it to do over I would have worked to get my MIL on my side. Instead she chose the side of EVIL and allowed the OW to befriend her. I became the ENEMY. OW/OC and her other children were invited to their home. I was cast aside and my niece/nephews became "attached" the the wh*re who was f*cking my husband...their UNCLE!! This all happened while the A was active, yes his ACTIVE affair partner/wh*re was a welcome guest in my MIL/SIL's home while me and my children were not.

While I am playing nice now I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive them. My niece who is 17 still likes and looks upto the OW! It is so disgusting.

Hmm, rather than you doing a random favor for those who's support you want, why not try the "Benjamin Franklin Effect"?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect

By asking for some small favor from a person, you're likely to dispose them kindly toward you in the future. Ben borrowed a book; you can do it however you like. But by making it something very small, they force themselves to decide they are doing this favor because they like you, not because you bribed them or some other reason.

That's why I always recommend, during exposure calls, that you ask the person to give you their advice. This gets them disposed to help you much more than just explaining to them about the affair.

Doing a Plan B when you have children sure does leave some holes open eh?

DS10 was talking to Bampot tonight. He tells him about our day. I got 2 cheques in the mail. Doesn't DS10 tell him. DS10 only knew because he went and checked the mailbox. Oh well.

Then, DS10 says, "We are going to a Christmas party? Will we get presents?" ARGH ARGH. I bet it is their work Christmas party which Bampot would NEVER go to before. He would say, "I don't like to see most of those people AT work why would I want to see them afterwork?" I was upset. What if OW and her D11(I can't call her DD, I have heard some of the things that she says and does to DS7 and although it is not too bad, she isn't very nice either) go? They are making it all normal at their job that they are one big happy family. TURDS.

Then I thought, "Who cares? If he does ever pull his head out of his azz and come home, he WILL be quitting his job." Besides, my kiddos will get to have a fun day.

Got me thinking about Christmas. I can almost bet that Bampot and OW are going to go to MIL's house. Just venting. I WILL know, unfortunately, as the kids WILL tell me. I am starting to prepare for it.

There. venting all done. Now I am off to dye my hair. Grey hairs are popping out EVERYWHERE.

BTW, asked MIL over for dinner sometime in December. She is SUPER busy, so we gotta ask in advance.

Also, asked her to get me photocopies of patterns for Baby blankets for BIL. MIL still talks to him. SIL is currently 5+years and 2 kids into A on him and he has a new GF, who is pregnant.

Oh yea, I almost forgot. My mom is still totally wayward. She still talks to FF(OM). My dad knows. And she wonders why he says that they are still separated. WAYTURDS SUCK AZZ. Haven't said that in a while.

They DO suck azz
and
BTW

I am getting more grey hairs too!