My husband and I have been together 7.5 yrs and married almost 5. We started dating when he was only 16 and got married at 19. A couple of days ago he decided he no longer wanted to be in this marriage. He says he loves me and I'm the perfect woman for him but because we got together when he was so young he never got to experience the single life and dating around. While I empathize with how he feels I don't understand how he can choose that life over me. He is having a very difficult time with all of this and is trying to sort through his feelings. He says that he's had this feeling a long time and he's tried to ignore it and he just can't anymore and wants to end things so he doesn't hurt me anymore. He says if he could turn that feeling off for good he would. Now he's saying he needs time to clear his head to see if it was the right decision. Anyway, this is getting long. What do ya'll think I should do? Has anyone, specifically men, experienced this? Please help!

ok, this has affair written all over it. I would not ASK him, but do some quiet sleuthing and see what he is doing. Come back here and tell us what you find.

I think your post is in the right subsection. You should be doing some snooping. His statements are red flags for "I am/I am thinking about - having an affair."

Snooping 101 and 102 are going to be your go-to threads from here.

Welcome to MB, sorry you're here. Read up, and good luck!

I guess I left that part out. This may make me sound a little pathetic but here goes. A little over a year into our marriage I found out by accident that he was texting with some girl that he met through one of the internet games he played. It's either the computer or the phone bill that's busted him since then(I've become a great detective). He's been caught chatting with girls or at least searching for girls 3 or 4 times since then. On Friday, when he decided to end our marriage, I asked if there was someone else. He said no and that he wanted to end things before he did do something again. It's been several months since his last indiscretion. Anyway, on Saturday I decided to check the phone bill. Come to find out he had been chatting up a girl that works at the gym he goes to. I called the # and found this out. She called me back and apologized. She had no clue he was married and was quite angry. She will no longer talk to him. Come to find out he would take his ring off every day after he left the house and put it on before getting home. I proudly wore mine everyday! Anyway, I confronted him and asked why he lied. He said he didn't want to hurt me more than he already had. I'm meeting his dad (who has been there for me through all of this) in a little bit. His dad says he is an absolute mess and just lays around and cries a lot. A mutual friend met up with him and said the same. He was just angry and upset and confused, his heart torn. So there's the missing part of the story.

do you have kids? How old are you both?

No kids involved, thank God. We are now 24 and 26 (he's 24).

I would think long and hard about moving on. He is very childish and not ready for marriage. He is a boy and is not ready for marriage. Your life with such a childman would be the life of a babysitter. Can you imagine having to deal with this nonsense with 3 little kids in tow?

We can help you, but I really question the wisdom of continuing such a young marriage with a child. It might be better to get out before you have children. Can you imagine such a childish man as the father of your children?

All I am doing is thinking. I'm trying to sort out my own emotions and thoughts. I know he wants our marriage but can't help what he is feeling. I absolutely could not imagine this if we had kids. I'm just as lost as he is right now. We did start counseling and unfortunately it is something she said that made him really start to think. She said he really needs to look at why he does this and handle it or he will do it again. Well he looked alright and decided to end the marriage. I go back and forth about continuing. I know I have a lot to give and I want to give to someone who deserves it. But all I can think about is wanting him to come back. He says he won't come back unless he's 100% positive it won't happen again. I'm just overly confused and hurt right now. I wish there was something that could make that feeling he has disappear forever. Prior to this he were doing amazingly well and I was really making progress in trusting and moving on from the past. That's what is so heartbreaking. I really felt we were on the right track this time. As far as him being a father, I know hes not ready to be a dad. We weren't planning kids for another 2 or 3 years. I know he'd be an amazing father, I see it with the little kids in our family. If he does choose to come back and I take him back what steps do I take?

Zackswife, I wouldn't let him come back unless he commits to a program of recovery. The solution to your marital problems is to follow this program correctly to fall in love again. If you accept anything less, you will be damning yourself to a lifetime of this. Set your standards high and you won't be disappointed.

Please do not bring children into this marriage now, even though you picture them.

You will be a good mommy some day, but it may not be with him. Please love these little people enough to wait until you can give them a daddy that will be there for them. You have PLENTY of time.

It's good to hear that he is realizing who he is, and that he may be someone who cheats on his spouse. I am a firm believer that when someone tells you or shows you who he is, BELIEVE HIM!

In the meantime, please listen to MelodyLane and set your sights high. If he cannot meet them, move on. You have no children and you can find someone who can.

This is just very worth re reading... and re reading..and re reading.
I am so sorry you are here. Even if you decide to end this M, please stay and read the material. There is no better information about the foundation for a hapy M than on this site.

Do some thinking for yourself here.

What do you want out of marriage? What have you done, up to this point, to protect your marriage? What has he done?

What are your notions of how married persons behave? What are his?

Obviously, a lot of your preconceived notions, as well as his, need to be realigned. They have failed you both.

Yes, you could drop it all and walk away, start again, and find somebody "worthy" of marriage, or you could value the marriage you have, demonstrate that, and teach him to value it with you.

You will need a plan, and you will need a definite timeline for which to meet your goals. Until then, NO KIDS.

Has he ever demonstrated that he values your marriage? What happened that changed that?