My wife and I of seven years are divorcing we have three wonderful children, I a make a decent living and cherish my wife most times. This woman has become almost impossible to live with. I try to giver her what she wants but it is never enough, she is a perfectionist squeaky clean type and I can barely go into my own house without being snapped at for making a mess. She is constantly giving me dirty looks for what I say or do or telling me my thoughts are not important, just a huge lack of respect on my part. Now my part, when she gets in what I call her negative moods I often become angry and go somewhere else for a couple of hours. I come home and she is ok but not good, a little coaxing from me which is never her saying she is sorry for anything . This repeats the next day and after a week of it I eventually blow up, making the entire situation my fault. And yes I have gotten physical. Never anything major but I have pushed her and thrown things. The guilt is unbearable immediately after and I know it is wrong. She to this day has never apologized for anything. I do all the apologizing. Well after the last incident she left with my kids and last week I had divorce papers. She will not let me see my children. I love them very much as well as my wife. I currently am going through with the divorce as she has doen this before and I have always caved into her telling her it is my fault. I have been to an anger managment counselor, but she did not think it was long enought. We have gone to three different marriage counselors set up by me but about the time we start looking at her problems we quit going for one reason or another. Dont know what to do and how to deal with this. I know the anger is an issue and know it is wrong, but where does this all end and become partly her.

In addition, we will have bouts of times when we get along great, like for a couple months even more at a time. She is respectful and actually will be nice at times. I can feel it creeping in when we are going to have a fight. I begin to be unable to do anything right, and pretty soon she will not talk to me for the dumbest things. Calls me a f***** slob if I leave a light on or the coffee pot on or something, just ridiculous stuff.

Ok, here's how I would paraphrase what you wrote:

She - is overly critical, disrepectful to your feelings and a neat freak.

You - verbally and physically abuse your wife despite having gone to anger management counseling.

Sound about right? Because without sugar coating it, the blowups you have where you scream and yell at her (I'm guessing this is what blowups means to you) is verbal and emotional abuse and throwing/pushing is physical. Here's what you said at the end that makes the most impact with me, "I know the anger is an issue and know it is wrong, but".

You cannot justify this willyboy with a "but". The demise of your marriage may take two but as long as you're abusing your wife, the lion share belongs to you. You have made your home an un-safe place to be and I applaud her for leaving with the kids, I really do. I verbally and emotionally abused my wife while she physically abused me for years. She stopped throwing things at and hitting me but it took me close to a decade to realize that what I was doing was equally wrong and I was making her home unsafe for her to be in. My home is now safe for everyone and it's a much better place.

The best thing you can do right now FOR YOURSELF is to check yourself into some kind of anger management program with a counselor (again). It may be too late for your marriage but it's not too late for you to fix yourself so you can have a relationship with your kids. Dr. Harley recommends in the case of abuse that couples and families separate for their own protection. What she's done is consistent with that and if she can document the anger issues, she'll be able to get court assistance in enforcing limited visitation with the kids.

I'll repeat, both sides share some blame here but as long as you're abusing her, what she's doing "to you" is a mole hill compared to your mountain. You need to recognize that if you ever want to improve your family dynamic and the way you react to family adversity, etc.

Travis

Mosttly I have given advice on how to end affairs. So as to what you should do here leads me to say call the Harley's. The price of one phone call is worth the chance to save a family with three kids.

Some people view it as expensive. I say it's cheaper then a divorce and a broken family.

Please call them for all of you.