(((((NP)))))

Please take care. We are all behind you if you really want to do this. Don't fall off the face of the planet, make sure we get some updates. We want you to be happy. I truly understand and you can end this knowing that you did all that you could.

You can always change your mind.....and you could always remarry. Take care of yourself and those lil munchkins.

Ok, That is your right, and because of his treatment and attitude, I don't see where you have any choice as he is not making a seriuos effort towards change.

Something to think about, what about the children? When they are teenagers and want to have thier own relationships, what will you tell them the guidelines are? What will you say, and I totally agree with honesty at any age, were your reasons for giving up?

Will you be able to tell them what he did, why you would not stand for you or them being treated that way, and what you did to help him straigthen out before you had to move on for you and thier sake?

I think you have done those things NP, I just want you to be sure that you have done everything in your mind so you will not ever go back and doubt yourself, and that thier questions won't spike any doubt you made the rright descision in ten years.

I would make a list, write a letter to yourself, journal these days, and seek a counselor to reason with for yourself. I would also get proof, texts, emails, witnesses to the affair or anything he is doing that you can use in a divorce, and keep as evidence in case it ever comes up later on in life, as it might with the kids.

I know you are probably close with them, and I expect you allways will be and communicate with them and thier hearts, but a rebelious ,(normal to some extent in every teenager), kid might need some answers when they start into that age where relationships are new to them, and they need to learn about boundaries.


Now with those things said, make a list of what he refuses to do, and how you have given him every chance to, to solidify your resolve while you check yourself that you are finally done and the list is complete.

This is a big step and both you and your future adult children will benifet if you have it all clear in your minds why it had to happen this way, and who to believe.

People tend to rewrite history and children are so often asked to make judgements between two parents after a divorce. The black and white choices that you used to divorce him will be questioned at some point, so be prepared for those days. It will help your children and assure them you love them and did love your H to all of your ability God gave anyone.

It will also be an excercise for you as to whether all that could be done was done and allow you to set yourself free and move on.

God Bless NP

I am so sorry NP.

Like others said, its your decision, it cerrtainly isn't wrong and well within your rights, he's worked hard to earn this from you with his despicable behavior, and of course few things are permanent.

I wish you good luck with however it goes and hope you keep us up to date.

I mean this well I swear:

the Purpose of Plan B is to protect your dwindling love bank. It saves whatever love you have for your WW and protects you from them so that WHEn or IF they come out of it, you still have love for them.

A SIDE EFFECT of Plan B is it prevents cake eating. And so CAN force an earlier end to WW behavior, but that is not the purpose.

NP, your repeated contact with WH after starting Plan B allowed him the opportunity to destroy your love bank and apparently send it deep in the red.

His hurtful actions are 100% his fault. He is a rabid heroin addict not caring who is hurt while he gets his fix. You are the sane one. What I told myself was, "could I look my DS in the in the eyes in 10 years and say I did EVERYTHING I could?"

The bible says God will not let you be tested beyond what you can bear, that He knows the number hairs on your head (knows you better than you do),
but
It also allows for divorce in the case of adultary.

It is your choice. Just be sure you know in your heart you can say you tried everything.

I think this is looking at NP's decision in a negative way. She didn't 'give up'. She gave it her all, and her WH continued down his path of destruction. NP has made a decision to create the healthiest emotional life possible for her children. She can't see into the future to know if her decision is right or wrong. All she can do is look at all the facts and make a decision.

NP, MB isn't Marriage At All Costs. It's also knowing when you've done your best. And I think you have. You can't make your WH be a certain way. The day will come when he desperately wishes he had made better decisions, but you can rest, knowing that you have.

But don't you even think about leaving us, missy! I like seeing you on here, and I think your story is a valuable one that can help other newbies who come here. (As well as long-timers who are carving out their new lives without an unrepentent WS.) NP, you done good, girl.

NewPetals, you did such a great job giving it your all (and then some) to try to make this work. I am so sorry that he was not up to the task and so sorry that you are facing this loss. Like others have said please stay around.

Hey NP!

I believe you are making the right decision. Maritalbliss is correct in saying that this is not a 'marriage at all costs' forum. You were faced with some of the most heinous wayward acts and you have come out the other side a stronger woman. I'm very sorry that you had to go through this. But, the future is looking bright for both you and your kiddos. They are lucky to have such a strong mom!

Someday, you will meet a good man. You will take with you all of the lessons you have learned here to help you pick the right person. You will see the red flags that you might not have seen before. But, make no mistake, you will meet that good man and you will be blissfully happy! It is then that you will realize that this was all part of the bigger plan. I'm hoping that this day arrives for you in the near future.

Please stick around! Alot of people here have grown to care about you and we want to hear about this day when it does come. You can also pay it forward by helping others that have to walk through the fire that you have just been through.

((((NP))))

((NP))

Just remember that we are here if you need help, we are all rooting for you to have a better life even if that means with OUT your alien WH.

Lol, you misundersand my statement, I am totally in agreement she do this, it is towards the posible questions in the future from her kids, and if any doubts come up, or in the Divorce procedings, that I ask her to be able to answer this question.

She DID have to give up on hope of him returning. It was a good decsion, but that is with all the info we know what we saw her go thru. To a storytwisting Ex H in ten years, or a divorce lawyer for her H, or maybe even her teenage kids who question authority and those hard decsisions...it would be easier if she has some clear and honest answers and back-up evidence.

Again, I am FOR her letting go, I have really felt that she should for quite awhile and supported how hard she tried, look back at my posts.. Also re-read what I said, you should see that I was only helping her to be prepared for future issues that might come up.

Hpe you got that NP, and you hang around and post when it doesn't trigger you to saddness also.

I agree with CP, even if I posted something similar earlier.

Even when leaving IS the Right answer, I think that is still a question you should ask yourself and have an answer you are at peace with.

Thanks everyone. I honestly feel very, very good about my decision.

WH came by today, first time I'd seen him. We're starting to divide up our household now. I was amazed and how confident and strong I felt seeing him, and how just the sight of him reinforced my decision. We aren't good friends, but we were able to be civilized and talk to each other. It was almost nice - just being able to be around each other without any tension, expectations, hopes, nothing. I felt so relieved that I knew then I had made the right decision. I took out my wedding rings today and looked at them and had absolutely no desire to wear them ever again.

I'm glad you all seem to feel I am making the right decision. I was hopeful for a long time that MB would help me recover my marriage but in the end it did exactly what it's supposed to do - help me recover from the trauma of an affair.

I won't ever hide the facts from my children. My daughter, only 3 years old, already understands what happened. I'm trying to be very matter of fact about it, as I don't want her hating her dad, but I don't want to accept blame for what ended my marriage. She's spent a bit of time with OW now and while that still bothers me, I take comfort in two things - she seems to really like her, so OW must be behaving herself anyway, and also I think a good healthy dose of the reality of having small kids around them will do WH and OW some good.

I appreciate all of you so much and I will definitely contine posting on here when i can. It's been so busy lately that I haven't had time to keep up with other posters' stories or anything, but I hope that I will be able to be back here often enough to give some sound advice and get some support along my next journey - I'm sure I'm still going to be dealing with bumps, no matter how good I feel now.

New Petals, when I read your last post the word "grace" came to mind. Blessings.

GL NP I always checked on your thread because felt like we were dealing with the same thing- having a D-day while you were pregnant. Please continue to check in you have a lot of support here.

I think it's the right one for you. You've done great throughout this whole mess, and you've come out on top. Never forget that. You're going to have a great life, I feel that.

WH, OTOH...my gut tells me he's going to truly regret his actions. His problem, though.

Post when you can, NP!

Take care, NP. I'm glad to see you so strong as you close this chapter in your life and start the next.

Just a suggestion ... you might want to print out your entire thread and all your posts here for your children to read when they are older. This forum appears to have been around practically forever, but it'd be nice to have a hard copy.

Another suggestion ... continue to stay away from that man. Remember that Plan B is for YOU. If you can handle as much as possible through an intermediary, I think you should.

((((NP))))))

So glad you are sure of yourself and your path.

Best of luck on personal recovery, say hi to us as often as you can. Lots of support here.

Agree with Markos - you will be far healthier and stronger, and heal more quickly, if you stay in PB until the A is over. Until that point, he's just another fogged out waynerd, who will give you grief at any opportunity.

You just don't need that.

I also second the motion of printing out the threads. In the Great MB Crash of 200?, a couple years ago, many posts were lost, spanning a period of several months.

You're going to be just fine.

I think that is an awesome idea too.. printing out the threads and posts. It has been sort of a journal for you with timeline and everything.

Hope you come back and post soon. I know how much you probably want to put this all behind you, and how the forums can trigger, but in time I hope you will come here.

Untill we see you God Bless and keep you and yours..

Just back here briefly for a little virtual head slap.

WH moved all his stuff out today. he's been around here all weekend getting it ready to move and he's been crying and talking about regrets and how he wishes we could still be a family. So now I have all these doubts about whether we should try again. Problem: HE'S STILL F'ING MOVING IN WITH POSOW.

If you feel the need to 2x4 me, please do so. Why am I even considering trying again with him???? He still blames my family for his affair, saying that if they had accepted him instead of not liking him so we fought about it (they had very good reason not to like him) we'd still be married. Still not accepting blame for himself.

I'm completely insane, after everything, to still be torn NOW, right??

No need to 2X4 you. What for?

Well it is finnally the start of plan B for you. When you get away from him, and he knows your seriuos. All his Stuff at the house probably had him thinking he still had a conection.

I know it seems like forever, but you are still at the beginning, and that is not a bad thing either.

Others will be on to post too, and explain more along this line, but suffice it to say right now, if he was at all seriuos that he wants to be a family. then there is still hope you can.

Like I said, its still the start for you.

Sweetie, you are torn because you are looking at remnants of what used to be your loving H. YOU were committed to the M he trashed. YOU were steadfast. YOU went through hell because of his actions. You, NP, are behaving normally.

Your WH pointed himself straight down the path of destruction. He and POSOW banded together to destroy your home. And now he wants to sit around and go boo-hoo because of his collosal ----up???? I don't think so!

Your wayward is simply thinking, again, only of himself. When he was home he felt all of those needs being met, and it felt good to him. He is also looking at his future and realizing that he's making a big life change and that's scary to him when he sees the comforts of home all around him. He's feeling the closing of the door.

And he's not even man enough to stop pointing the finger at everyone but himself.

See how it's all about him?