I discovered the affair the affair this May. From May to Sep, I did all my effort get my wife back. Did a couple things wrong like let my wife to fly to the other guy to say final good bye. Which actually cause my wife my firm on the affair. But finally they break up. They decide to break up because of they don't see future on their affair. My wife can't leave the whole family who is supporting me. My wife is very stubborn. She never believe what I tell her. Even the pain and the process are exactly as what is described in Dr Harley's book.

I thought it is an end when they finally break up in Sep. But even 2 months later. They are still in contact. My wife never listen to me. She still hiding things to me. They once have a call for 5 hours at night. She told me she can't control herself. I can not push her because she is very stubborn and don't listen to others.

What should I do now? Should I just treat her good and let the small talk happen? Or I should try to confront? I feel a lot pain. They are currently in two cities. So they can't met. They also only talk occasionally. Not everyday. I told my wife all those rules I learnt from Harley's book. But she just don't want to follow. No total separation. No rule of time/ rule of honesty. She is saying she just need time. She don't feel comfortable at home. She don't feel relaxed. When I talk to her, I also feel nervous. Because she used to blame with no ground all the time when the affair is going on.

What should I do now? Advice needed?

Thanks
HC

Hi zzzzz! I would move to Plan B if I were you. You are right at about 6 months so it is time for Plan B. You said earlier:


She has promised she will move out if you talk about the affair to her or to your family members, so I would take her up on that promise!

Call up all your relatives and inlaws and tell them the affair is ongoing. Ask them to call and use their influence to persuade her to stop. When she blows up, remind her that she PROMISED back in August that she would move out the next time you do this. Ask her to keep her promise and move out.

Offer to help her pack her bags and ask if she will leave today.

When she leaves, come back here and we will help you with next steps.

On what phone? I would call today and cut off her phone and your house phone so she can't call him anymore. Don't allow her to speak to the OM from your home. That is disrespectful. If she DARES to try that again, follow her around and loudly tell her "TAKE YOUR AFFAIR TALK OUT OF THIS HOUSE."

See, women want their husbands to fight for them. If they sit there like a dead door mat while she treats him like a dog, she will hate him more. Women don't respect men they can run over and our love is very contingent upon the respect we feel.

Is there OMW? If it is, then exposure should start from her.

Yes, to let her meet for final "goodbye" was stupid mistake, but don't worry, I made the same stupid mistake.

Doesn't mean that you cannot follow MB advice from now on.

Who have you exposed, and why have you stayed away from MB for ao long. Can't get help if you don't post.

You are looking at this the wrong way. Look at it this way: they are a plane flight away. And the amount of time they talk is immaterial - they shouldn't be talking at all!

zzzz, when she says she needs 'time' here's what she's really saying: "I want to continue to have my comfy home and family here while I continue to have an affair with my OM."

I would suggest you calmly pack her bags and escort her to the door. Explain to her that you will no longer live with a woman who is laying down with another man. This is horrific abuse of you, and you should not endure this one moment longer!

Let her know that she is welcome to contact you after she ends her affair. The two of you can discuss where each of your lives are headed at that point.

Your marriage will not survive as long as there are three of you in it.