Well just wanted to post about being relieved that the D-Day anniversary date has passed without a lot of grief.
I was worried about the day triggering me and it being a painful day....
It was a little challenging for me at times.
First of all my husband took the day off so he wouldn't be at the office which is a bit of a trigger for me(the affair happened at his office).
I had booked an appt for myself with my surgeon, having problems with the disease I have and will need some more surgery.......
After that appt, my doctor sent me more additional tests which took all afternoon.
Lots of waiting so I decided to compose a letter to my husband(he didn't come with me, for some reason I thought I would trigger more if he was with me)
The letter basically told my feelings of the past year and the fact that I no longer would let any of this take anymore of my life from me.......
I feel so much stronger than that day I found out..........
I think he was a little upset that I didn't want him to come with me, I don't know if that was right or wrong, but it worked for me, I had a good day, I only cried in the car a bit on the way to the appt........
I called him when I was leaving the last xray appt, told me I was starving, when I returned home, 40 minute drive, he had order Chinsese Food for us, we ate supper and he read the letter I had written and we talked a bit about his commitment to me and our marriage and I again told him that I was stronger now and that if ever I felt threatened again by him and his actions that I would make him leave and that we were finished I told him this was his only chance.....
He assured me that he has learned by his mistakes and selfishness and that I will see by his actions that he is a changed man..........
He said he didn't actually know what to do with his day off, he cleaned the garage, changed the tires on the car(snow tires) But he said he understood and respected whatever I had to do.............
Whew!!!!
Today is the first day of my life, I will not let this affair and all the feelings I have had because of it take any more of my life.........
I have learned that I can't control anyone else, but I can control what I do.........
I feel peaceful today.....
My husband also said that he would like to renew our marriage vows in the future..............
He is upset that I think our marriage no longer exist for me, sorry that is how I think, it just a consquence of decision I had no control over.......
One day at a time............
