[color:#FFCC33]Jinxie you are one smart and classy woman! This broad doesn't know what she's up against.[/color]

Amen! Maybe this will make the little sleezy slime woman think twice about becoming another MM's "girlfriend." The entitlement of these women amazes me. I HATE THEM!!!

JInxie,
You are doing very well, and remember when you get weak and feel bad that the big picture is the goal and everything in between is just the process.......
This board has saved many marriages with the process here, it takes time and it looks at times that it's not working but it does. Some good boundaries and communication and a loving relationship happens here, which is what all of us here are trying to get......
I know you are up for it, because I can see that the two of them have underestimated you in their thinking, I want to high five you for that strength......
We all know it's not easy and we are all here for you whenever you need some support or when you are doubting yourself......
I know I would not have made it without the help of the good people here, they support you, give you an [censored] kicking when you need it.......and they think for you when you can't yourself, they cover ever angle and that is exactly what we need.....
Right now your job is to breathe, rest up and don't worry about what the fog infested husband is doing right now.......
Let him feel the brunt of the exposure and let him feel what his decisions have done to his life........OW will be pissed as well with all the havic that is going on in her own marriage, watch how quickly it all falls apart........
sit tight, get your plan together.........((((hugs))))))

My H had an A with someone who lived in another state, that doesn't matter one bit. She flew to L.A. from Phoenix and got a HOtel (get it?) room and then let a MM bang her and leave to go home to his WIFE. OW are desperate creatures who will do anything, including selling their souls, for their AP. It's truly sickening but I digress.

Great job on exposure. Here is what you say when anyone questions your motives:

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I love my husband and family and need to do this in order to end the A so my husband and I can fix what is wrong. I have been professionally advised to expose this to everyone and anyone who might be able to help us. Affairs thrive in secrecy. Once they are out in the open they aren't so fun anymore".

To their extreme dismay, they found out they were the ones who were boiled.

You are doing SO GOOD! Job for today: finish any remaining exposure, and rest.

Job for tomorrow: start mapping out your Plan A for "the jackal". (Which, although that is very true, will be easier once you stop calling him a jackal, lol.)

Just a random note on "honey", "sweetie", etc. The area where I live, though not in south, it's very common for both genders to call both genders honey and sweetie, especially in the stores. I've been called honey by more men than I could shake a stick at, and NOT ONE of them ever offered to get me a sexy motel room. Not one! Not even to "help" them with their controlling wives.

Bravo for not falling for that load of stink-o. If WH/OW ever decided to build a life-size model of the Great Wall of China out of manure, they'd have enough with plenty left over.

I call people sweetie all the time. They call me sweetie, too.


I, too, haven't gotten anyone a sexy...anything...excepy my HUSBAND.


When I looked at your first text, then her emails, I wanted to do an analysis to let you know what part was crap.

It's all crap.

She is making a huge effort to set this up to look as innocent as she can because she knows her husband is going to be pretty PO'd. She saw that one coming, and hoped to fix it by making you look stupid. Didn't work, because her BH and YOU are both pretty smart.

Your WH and his OW are slow on the uptake. They have been royally busted, and have not figured out there will be no take-home prize for them.

You need to get a keylogger installed, so you can find out if he has any hidden email accounts.

Also, there are ways to dump deleted emails from his computer, and I would do that if I were you.

He will not admit this and give you the full run-down unless you have it all on display.

Read up on Plan A, and do your best. He will not know how to handle it.

My wxh also had an ongoing affair after we moved with monkeyho, a woman from my hometown. That didn't stop em either.

Imho, what in the twisted fogged minds of the ws and the op, is a truly wierd daydream. The superevil ow monkeyho, actually told me once, that she had hoped that I had never found out, so that my H and I would have simply divorced, and that afterwards he would simply announce he had met somebody and begun dating her (monkeyho) and that if things had gone down that way, everybody would have been happy and I might have even been her friend.

Yea, the crazy waywards think like that. Meanwhile get your PI to do recon when the ow is in the country. You can't get info if she's in china.

It seems crazy now, but stick to the plan here, find out the real truth, and then when you have all the info expose and give him the sharp end of the stick of the carrot and of plan a. And big time stick it to the ow!

That's an extremely common sentiment among waywards. It was the same thing that OM and my wife were planning; she wanted me to be "friends" with the OM so that after the divorce, she could say that she and OM became close afterward and, he wasn't a cause of the divorce, and since he was such a good friend, they got married. Thus she could have her lover and her husband both; I would provide the financial support she and OM both required, and he'd provide the conversation she so craved.

It was the same procedure my stepbrother followed. He was having an affair, used it as a justification to divorce with four kids while hiding it from his wife. Made his own life such a living hell that a month and a half ago he shot himself in the head to escape it.

It was the same pattern my mother followed in her affair with my stepfather. Although my Dad knew the full extent of the affair, he kept it secret from all but their religious leaders who, in turn, kept it secret themselves. They tried to keep it secret from me and introduce my eventual stepfather as a good guy and a friend to me, though I knew too much to not see through it at the time. Even my mother's closest friends believed her affair partner was someone she met and married after the divorce. In fact, one friend who believed herself my mother's closest confidant was surprised to learn of the affair from a conversation with me just one year ago... when the affair happened twenty years ago.

It's the kind of crazy scam most waywards find themselves trying to perpetuate.

After being dumped, the OW expressed the hope that someday I would be comfortable enough for us all to be friends.

OW's are so funny!

Ditto.rotflmao Neak.

And fwiw, I'm a southern gal who does have a few male friends but knows and respects (and encourages) marriage.

But I don't call my friends baby or darlin' or sugar or any of that. More like "hey bud".

That ow really did try a spin that was unsuccessful and your wisdom really shone through. Keep shining your light of truth! Eventually your ws will walk away from her stupid fog.

jinx, how are things going?

Hi Everyone,

Whew, it has been 2 weeks of sheer utter emotional and physical heck! On Thurs. night 11/05/10 WS came home and the crap hit the fan huge! We had a major confrontation and argued, fought and discussed the situation with OW. State of our marriage. ("old friend" of more than 30 years) It was long and emotionally draining experience like none other.

Of course his end was nothing more than marital history rewriting, blame shifting, manipulating b.s.! I didn't buy into one word of it. I asked him if he's yet agreed to NC and of course not. They are texting like freaking mad, chatting it up on facebook...makes me wanna puke all over again!

I got no sleep that night and had to get up at 5:00 a.m. drive into Madison, 1 3/4 hours the next morning to see my specialist as I have a rare & life threatening disease I've been battling for quite some years now. The dr.'s are extremely concerned and admitted me for the weekend. WS picked me up and brought me home yesterday.His employer offered him a trip that will require he be gone for this week until Sat. and he took it. He left yesterday and has called me now 50 times already. I know that he senses that he has really done it this time and although he is terrified of losing me he is so in the fog that he simply hasn't pulled back. Exposure is doing some help though.It does make me ill even thinking about it because all the logs I have been reading this OW is certainly one smooth, manipulative predator on the prowl and definitely wants my ws.

Today I am to rest a lot, keep myself hydrated and start working out a solid plan a.

Thank you all so much!

Jinxie

Sorry about your health sitch and hope you are feeling better soon Jinxie.

You need to call OWH and re-expose since you have proof of their continued contact. He may or may not know about it so you should re-expose to him asap. It also gives you a chance to find out what he is doing on his end to help kill the affair.

Hi Jinxie,
Sorry about your night of emotional upset......especially being sick I can relate I also have been having a hard time with my health and yes my husband actually had an affair while I was on a chemo drug......It's like a big punch in the stomach, I'm sick and he is out there falling in love........makes me sick to my stomach to think about it now.......
I would go No Contact with your husband, and take care of your health, he needs to decide which one it is.......he is still in contact with OW and doesn't seem to get it yet, lay the law down, make him feel what it will be to lose you.......
Don't answer his texts or phone calls, tell him that it is just to hurtful for you.....
Tell him you have to put your health first and that he is just adding to your problems by upsetting you...

With your health problems, you need to do an incredibly short Plan A, if at all. Only do what you can, and protect your health first.

You may be able to meet some of his top EN's without overtaxing yourself. For example, have you told him how much you appreciated him picking you up?

Find nice things to say to him, even if you have to go into the past to get them.

And yes, tell OWH they are still having C all over the place. "Old friends" don't risk their marriages to stay "old friends", and I think he knows that.

Remember too that Dr. Harley doesn't advise women do a Plan A for very long anyway. Give him a few weeks to see what an amazing woman you are, then go to a dark Plan B. Be sure to have your legal ducks in a row first, though! I believe the courts will take a dim view of his alienation of affection while you're struggling with a life-threatening illness.

Hi, yes I was reading up while in the hospital. I had my laptop and spent alot of time reading here on Plans A & B, ordered a few of the books here and also read up on all the great articles! I also agree that Plan A will be a short one and then take it from there.

I did tell him how much that I appreciated him taking the time to pick me up from the hospital and then run out to fill my RX's and grocery shop for me. On Sat. night he rented a movie, made some popcorn and wanted to snuggle with me. Although I did appreciate the effort & sentiment I am finding physical intimacy incredibly difficult at this time knowing he is still continuing contact with OW. (I informed her BH this morning & he was already aware)

Jinxie

What do his parents say about all this? Are they supportive of you?

threadjack/

Jinxie, I think you said you have Cushing's? I have a great endo (I know it's far from you but if you get desperate a trip out there to see him might be worth it, Cushing's is hard to treat) ~ his website is www.goodhormonehealth.com. He's fantastic.

/threadjack

You are doing great, good job on Plan A and exposure!

Just because you are in Plan A doesn't mean that you have to accept this. Tell him it is incredibly cruel and heartless for him to carry on communications with OW in the home and that he will need to leave the house if he wants to communicate with her.

In addition, I agree with Neak about keeping the Plan A VERY SHORT. This blatant flaunting of his A is incredibly abusive and due to your health condition, I don't think the regular 3-week Plan A applies. Start Planning it now. Do you know who you would want for an IM? I will link you a good Plan B thread, it has several sample PBletters.

Hang in there, Jinxie!