I have been married for several years and within the past year or so I fell in love with another man. My husband has recently found out. I really want to be with this other man but I am scared to get a divorce. I have hurt my husband but I no longer am in love with him and I dont know what to do. My husband is a recovering alcoholic that was very neglectful for many years and I felt abandoned by him. He now has been sober for awhile but it does not seem to make me want to be with him.
LW, welcome to Marriage Builders. Wouldn't the ideal solution be to be in love with your husband? That would be the most logial path since you are married to him.
On the other hand, your affair with this OM is doomed. The FEW affair marriages that have shown up on this forum over the years have been a disaster. And let me explain why. Statistics show that about 95% of all affairs end and never make it to marriage. Of the five percent that end in marriage, about 85% of those end in divorce. Romantic relationships that start with an affair are very fragile, and are based on deceit, thoughtlessness, and dishonesty. Those characteristics eventually destroy the affair. Adulterers eventually find themselves being deceitful, thoughtless, and dishonest toward each other.
Another problem with an affair is that many family members will not allow you to darken their doorstep. If there are children, the affair partner is usually eternally hated for busting up his parents marriage.
Any man who does it with a married woman has no respect for her, keep that in mind. What he is doing with you is about as degrading and unloving as it gets. It would be foolhardy to pursue a relationship with someone who has no respect for marriage. And since you endorse adultlery, you would be subject to a marriage filled with adultery. That is a horrible way to live.
Do you have any kids? Is the OM married?
