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Your wife's situation is similar to recovering drug addict who is occasionally still in contact with her drug and by that, can never recover.
And from another side of table, I couldn't imagine recovering if my wife still sees OM sometimes, even from distance.
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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If I had to see the OM everyday or even once a week, my marriage would not have survived, and we would probably be separated or even divorced.
So as long as she still sees the OM your marriage will not survive.
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the advice i am getting seems to be leave the area but my wife has lived here all her life and has ex-boyfriend's here so if she can forget about these why cant she do the same about the om ?
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i have read somewhere on this site an affair can die a natural death if that is the case then why leave the area ?
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I'm still learning MB and processing my own situation, but I wanted to throw in my $0.02 here... the advice i am getting seems to be leave the area but my wife has lived here all her life and has ex-boyfriend's here so if she can forget about these why cant she do the same about the om ? IMO- there is a very large difference between a relationship with an ex-boyfriend that ended before your marriage (someone that she no longer has any feelings for), and her relationship with the OM- that broke the vows the two of you made when you got married (someone that she had very strong feelings for that were damaging to your marriage). If she cannot or will not give up contact with the OM, it might be in the best interest of your marriage to leave the area and put some distance in there. From what I have read here, you cannot expect the fog to truly lift if your wife is seeing him all the time.
Me- BW (26)
H- WS (29)- ongoing EA
M- 8 years
Kids: DS7 & DD5
Most recent attempt to get NC: 9/8/10
Currently: one sided Plan A
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the advice i am getting seems to be leave the area but my wife has lived here all her life and has ex-boyfriend's here so if she can forget about these why cant she do the same about the om ? How do you know that she can forget about these exes? Avoiding old flames is one of the Extraordinary Precautions necessary to maintain healthy marriage. I would not tolerate if my wife is in contact with old boyfriends whether there was an affair or not. i have read somewhere on this site an affair can die a natural death if that is the case then why leave the area ? Yes, affairs can die but they also can reignite anytime. Do you wanna find out?
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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Affairs are like drugs. Your WW is an addict and her drug is OM. She is addicted and con not break free, just seeing or thinking about OM will keep your marriage from recovering properly. DrH, the creator of this website, has been saving marriages from infidelity for over 3 decades(closer to 4) and he has saved THOUSANDS of marriages. It is HIS advice that couples should move, sometimes across the country to avoid contact with the OP. It is not something that it taken lightly. It IS in the best interest of you having the best possible chance to save your marriage.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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i am sure there are thousands of marriage's that have survived with om/ow in and around the same area. can someone please come forward and give me the believe that i can survive this marriage under these circumstances ?.
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to mj830 as far as i know my wife has no contact with him, i check her phone on a regular basis and the only contact if any is driving in the area and seeing him in his cab. no talking or stopping to say hi so it's not that she refusees to give upcontact just that they cross in the road maybe.
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Recon6mo is right! That is what Dr. Harley says.
Your hurt feelings Gdw are raw and it takes time. Maybe even a bit longer than stated here on the site.
I have a more than amazingly faithful husband. Last week he had a business meeting that lasted past 9 pm...he (we just got married and I'm a former bw of a crazy wayward ex husband) brutally always honest, yet I somehow felt that pang I once felt when my ex was out years ago, saying he was at the office but was really with the ow.
That pang of being unsure will take quite a while to quell. Meanwhile, the w has to stop any and all contact with the xom if your marriage is to be her top priority. She needs to be 100 percent always transparent, and she should realize this.
She's a lucky woman you took her back! Blessings and healing to you. Follow what Dr. H said! NO contact with an om or ow for a former ws!
Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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As far as I know - no marriage has survived contact. NONE. Seeing him, even down the street, is contact. I'm sorry this is the case, but that is what it is. If you lived in a large city and could be sure you wouldn't interact with him on a regular basis, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like you see him fairly regularly and he is close by.
I'm sorry - your marriage will not survive that kind of close contact.
It just wont.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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well i have had enough, i cant shake off the feeling and dont want to live the rest of my life like this.
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well i have had enough, i cant shake off the feeling and dont want to live the rest of my life like this. So what has happened since September?
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nothing since last entry.but my life cant go on like this i will make myself ill
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nothing since last entry.but my life cant go on like this i will make myself ill Then maybe it's time to implement recovery as prescribed by MB? Is she on board to not just "move past" the affair, but to build a lasting, loving, romantic marriage? Are you both willing to make your marriage THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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is the most important thing our children or should it be our marriage ?
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is the most important thing our children or should it be our marriage ? It depends...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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do i sit around waiting and let my children see me unhappy ?
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As far as I know - no marriage has survived contact. NONE. Seeing him, even down the street, is contact. I'm sorry this is the case, but that is what it is. If you lived in a large city and could be sure you wouldn't interact with him on a regular basis, that'd be one thing. But it sounds like you see him fairly regularly and he is close by.
I'm sorry - your marriage will not survive that kind of close contact.
It just wont. Can you stop your pity party and answer is there NC?
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