Actually, I wasn't referring to elections or exposure. But I don't want to tempt First Amendment fate

Bingo! It is notable that of 3 attorneys on this very thread, the only one that is whipped up about exposure happens to be a fogged out wayward. The other 2 attorneys, who don't have a vested interest in protecting the consequences of adultery, do not support her fears.

All claims related to exposure are barred as a matter of law.

There are no lawyers out there who would file such a claim in hopes of making a quick buck.

Exposure at any level carries no risk of legal repercussions.

Is that better?

Have you read Love Busters?

No, it's not.

Instead of saying/advising:

"don't do it because it has legal risks or is legally too risky"

Which coming from a former wayward spouse SOUNDS LIKE a round about way of trying to scare a betrayed spouse into not exposing.

Perhaps a better or more productive post would be:

"do it...but be aware of these legal risks that you can minimize by doing x, y and z."

But this is a public forum and we are all relatively free to post however we want.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I don't deny that former waywards have to be careful how they post and what they say on an infidelity forum. But that is a consequence of the waywards choices (one to have the affair in the first place and the later to stick around and try to help others). If a former wayward wants to "help"/contribute (and I want them to) they need to somewhat carefully choose their words and realize they may tick off anyone that is anywhere in this process at any time (particularly the newly arrived). A degree of empathy and understanding of the audience is expected and required. For example, the poster Aphellion has stated that in real life he does not believe there is such thing as a real FORMER wayward spouse. He (and others like Piojitos) think they are like saskswatch (sp?)...they don't exist. He has stated that he will never be friends with or otherwise knowingly associate with a [former] wayward spouse in real life. My wife, a former wayward spouse herself, at first wanted to argue with him about that, but on second thought, considered it a legitimate choice of his. He has the right to associate with whomever he wants. That "opinion" or choice in no way reflects upon her. Such opinion shouldn't offend the truly recovered person.

I'm asking for one of these for Christmas.

Instead of putting it down, the chip just got exponentially bigger, inflated by burgeoning sarcasm.

sasquatch

I understand completely, especially the last sentence. I am, after all, Southern Baptist

So is my wife...

btw, she has been really busy lately. She is getting prepared for the holidays but she's been meaning to jump on and tell you, Luri, that she really really likes you and thinks highly of you. Seeing you do the things she'd always hoped her father would one day do was nice for her. Of all persons, she was perhaps the most saddened to see you (and saynomore another personal favorite of hers) fully and/or partially reject this place of personal growth and well being in favor of the unrepentant and certainly unholy. Like I told saddestwife, you are being deceived.

Mr. W

What? What? Are we losing her???? TB, what's going on???

I will never reject MB. Surviving An Affair was THE catalyst for me finally breaking....I still remember reading it poolside and crying because I started seeing how horrible I had become. Had it not been for Harley's stuff, we would never have understood so clearly EP's and NC and what steps I needed to take to really change. There were several people IRL who tried to tell me "you couldn't help it; you were manic." part of what kept me grounded in the idea of personal responsibility was MB.

There are people here who have listened to me agonize over the same issues repeatedly, and they haven't thrown a shoe at me yet . I have even received emails from one person in particular reaching out to suggest resources and giving me encouragement. Actually, more than one now that I think about it.

I can understand why someone who was betrayed in the worst way possible would think that the "F" in FWS was a myth, a sasquatch. If I ever teach again, you can bet I won't be telling an administrator about my disease - I was horribly hurt when I did that before - and that wasn't even close to the betrayal of infidelity.

But I am learning that my own DH is somewhat of a sasquatch too. It might surprise you to know that the times I have hung back or distanced myself from posting or reading were at DH's request. He sees (or at least fully believes he sees) a direct connection between me focusing on what I DID and what I WAS and a deterioration in my mental health. He asked me for a short while not to post and read, and then he said he would trust me to know when I was getting sucked into the "I will always be trash and even people who don't know me think so" routine. I would probably be even more involved in the MB forum if he did not have such concerns.

He sees the A as a part of our past. Something that altered our lives but is over...he is a "from this day forward" man. I posted his beautiful thoughts on his forgiveness once before (which wasn't liked by a few people).

I may not have much to offer MB, and that is okay. I know I definitely have shortcomings. And just like I was always one of those teachers who would use any resource she could find to engage her kids....I am not afraid to use any resource I can find to help my M, providing it does not violate the one and only book I see as infallible - the Bible.

Someone once told me via email, "I feel there is a part of you that you are afraid to share at MB." And they were right. Not some deep ugly, threesome, one night stand, continuing adultress part. But the fragile, sometimes doubtful, with lots of questions part that wants more than anything to have the M I saw in my parents but wonders if I have what it takes to make it happen some days. I am afraid to share that, to ask the same question too many times, to say 'but what about...." Because the way is soooooo narrow, I am afraid that I am just not good enough. And not because I did something awful in 2006 -- because I am ME.

So now that I have T/J'ed all over the place and will probably never convince the whole world that it ISN'T just a pity party rant, I will say again that I am in favor of exposure. We exposed my A together to many people after I confessed. I was just worried about one possible public scenario that might cause even more hurt to a BS at the hands of a vindictive WS.

I hope not, but I do know there are plenty of people out there on the internet that will be accepting of everyone no matter how ugly that person IS behaving and/or how unrepentant they are. Swingers, satanists, witches, unrepentant adulterers, fornicators and liars are all embraced...doesn't matter to them as long as you don't post or get help here.

Guess I shouldn't have said anything. Just kinda of thought everyone knew this board/forum and the Harley's were being attacked.

Email my wife and I if you have questions, MaritalBliss.

Mr. W

p.s. - to clarify I am NOT speaking about you luri [tb] nor seekingbalance.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm a lot like your husband. In fact, one of my favorite sayings is "NOW is HOW" along with "Act, don't React" (having a tougher time with this one right now, obviously).


Anyway...all we have is NOW.

The past is over and the future is speculative.

Mr. W

Well, I think you should be wary about any possibly "vindictive WSs" who post "legal" warnings to BSs in an attempt to stop them exposing.

The "legal" scenarios that have been rehearsed on this thread have been dodgy, probably self-serving (to unrepentant WSs) and there is no evidence that they have come to pass in real life.

In real life, exposure on FB, to employers and the friends and family has halted many an affair. We have seen this happen countless times here on this board.

People are not advised here on this board to post to FB walls or drop flyers out of planes, so please do not say that they are.

People are given effective to help to stop affairs, and this works much of the time. The BS isn't hurt by exposure. The WS and OP in a continuing affair are hurt - and perhaps that is what the objections have been about, all along.

One question: Are you committed to your M?

I feel like I'm standing by and watching a train wreck happen. This whole thread saddens me.

I think it was stated much, much earlier that there was an original misunderstanding re: FB exposure - wall vs. private message, etc.

Now that that has been cleared up, I'm not sure why the thread seems rife with personal attacks.

It's one thing to discuss ideas in an academic manner; it's another to run off valuable posters, or to create an environment of perpetual attack.

I agree with Mr. W that, by our actions, (F)WS should indeed post with more care and empathy. I agree that fogginess should be called out, and that some 2x4s are deserved. However, I don't see that fogginess here, and I don't see the 2x4s being deserved for Tawandabelle.

I believe you sincerely felt that way...it's just not the way it comes/came across.

It's also not the first, second or twenty-fifth time it's come up, most all of which were "brought up" by trolls or much more fogged out [some former some not] waywards...so, perhaps, you too, could afford to cut some of us a break as well. It gets a little tedious having the same arguments time and time again.

This place is tough, not enabling.
This place is truth, not darkness.
This place is challenging, not complacent.
This place is safe (we are your friends and we won't lie, enable or coddle you)
This place is Godly

Confrontation IS biblical.

Good luck tb ... my wife and I certainly hope you stick around.

Mr. W

I should just like to point out that nowhere on this thread did anyone encourage you to focus on what you did. This thread was started in response to a point you made about the legality of FB exposure, but the thread was not about you or your past, in any way.

There has been enlightening discussion of legal issues here. These are the legal issues that you raised, and about which those planning to explore need clarity.

You have chosen to see "you will always be trash" talk where there was none. Nobody brought up your affair until you did. Nobody here referred to your status as a FWS. Indeed, FWS are valued here on MB; they are not attacked. It seems that you have projected the shame that you feel into the posts here that attacked the "legal" argument. The inference is that the "legal" argument was demolished, and thus you were.

No such thing happened here today.

Please point out ONE of those personal attacks or 2x4s on Tawandabelle.

It's all good Mrs. V. The 2x4's are merely being swung at the notion that broad exposure includes some large risk of legal ramifications. I think most everyone agrees that Luri/tb (can't ever get used to that new name) has/had good intentions.

Exposure is just so effective and such a hotbed issue that draws a lot of controversy on these forums that many people feel compelled to not let anything stand that opposes it...especially on newbie threads. By the time everyone gets their 2 cents in...it FEELS like a pile on.

I can only speak for myself but it's not personal to me. I'd help anyone here with anything. No hate here.

Mr. W