I want to make sure OW is out of our lives forever and that everyone around us/her is aware of the devastation she has caused in my M. Although my H has maintained NC (as far as I can tell). What are legal ways to expose the A? The OW is an attorney...specifically,
1. Can I post on a social networking site that she had an A with my H?
2. Can I notify her employer?
So far, we have not exposed this affair. We do not have interaction with our families, most of our immediate family members have passed, and the others we are not close to geographically or emotionally. Sometimes, I feel I have suffered so much and this OW got away with no consequences for her part in the A. Any other suggestions for exposing the affair and feeling that OW didn�t get away with causing all this pain??

Is she married? You can expose the affair to all those people as long as you have proof, but I don't know WHY you would. Doing so would just invite trouble into your home for no good reason.

BUT...if she is married, I would most certainly tell her H. If not, leave it alone!

Exposure is not usually done to 'punish' the OW. It is done to kill the affair. It sounds like the A is dead. Retribution should not be your goal. She'll get hers eventually, Joan. They always do.

I would suggest that you definitely inform her H if she is married, though. He needs to know the reality of his marriage and what his WW is capable of so he can protect himself.

Definitely the OWH should be told. If there is a work connection then there is a great letter on this site that can be used as a model to notify a supervisor. Also letting close friends or family members know can be a good way to help with accountability and support for the M.

As appealing and dramatic as it sounds, posting on people's walls or sending out mass status notices to all FB friends is legally shaky even WITH proof. It doesn't have to be a lie for someone to sue over it. I know this because I asked 2 attorneys that I work for who deal in areas of law that would apply. So the whole billboard and flyers dropped from planes idea really can cause some serious problems.

That being said, if there is someone who can help your H be accountable and can support both of you in recovery, having them in the loop can be a tremendous asset.

But doesn't it have to be a lie for someone to WIN over it?

What would someone be suing for? Surely for defamation, meaning that the BS said something that wasn't true. If the BS had proof to show to a court, how could the OP win?

Do your legal friends have facts about a case where there was proof, where the adulterer won? What grounds did they win on?

I keep hearing that someone COULD sue, but I have never heard of a case where someone HAS sued and won, despite proof.

Does your H work with this OW?
Could there be a conflict?

MB is right. Eposure is not for revenge, it is to stop the A and help for accountability in keeping the two A partners seperate.

If she is married, her poor schlub of a spouse deserves to know, too.

You see, what I don't understand is, if you agree that that OPS should be told and you don't issue legal warnings about that,

then how is it LEGALLY any different to tell other third parties?

How is it legal to tell a wife, but not legal to tell the wife's sister on FB?

Is it the telling (with proof) that is the problem, or is it Facebook that is the problem? If the latter, then how and why?

If the affair is over and if there is supposedly NC between your spouse and the OW, then why expose now? I would not expose for retribution or to inflict pain...that is not the purpose of exposure. I have not exposed publically at all through FB walls or through a blog, etc. and I would not recommend that. I have sent *private* messages through FB or individual emails during the exposure period to individual friends and family members but that is it.

First off, no one here recommends posting it on people's walls. Normally that is not even possible because you have to be the person's FRIEND to do that and that is usually not the case. The REASON I don't recommend posting it on someone's wall is because it is not effective. Most people won't even see it, whereas, sending a private message to each of the OP/WS's facebook friends would be seen.

However, it is not illegal to expose truth to someone's friends and family. A person's facebook friends IS a collection of their most valued friends and family so it is the PERFECT scenario. We have had numerous affairs busted up this way.

Typically, we don't recommend taking out billboards or dropping fliers, although Steve Harley HAS recommended such tactics where it made sense.

I don't understand why there is so much concern about exposure when the real risk is the AFFAIR. Affairs can and do lead to much worse than legal action. They lead to nervous breakdowns, post traumatic stress disorder, suicides, divorce, destruction of families, ruination of children lives. THAT IS THE REAL THREAT PEOPLE.

So I am amazed that anyone would even bother for second about the very far reaching risk of legal ramifications over exposure. Since when is it illegal to tell truth in this country? I have YET to see a lawsuit on this forum over exposure, but I have seen MANY divorce lawsuits spring up over an affair. The reason is that most cheaters won't file suit because the charges are true and they don't want to see the proof trotted out in a courtroom.

There is RISK in absolutely everything we do in life. But this needs to be kept in perspective and the reality acknowledged that the "risk" of NOT EXPOSING is much, much greater.

praying, exposure after an affair should be to: the OP's spouse, your family members and your children. I haven't read this thread, but did someone tell you to expose an already ENDED affair to a blog or a facebook wall?

Here is one of Dr Harley's quotes about this issue:

ok, no one even told her to expose on facebook so why did you say this? This is an affair that is long over.

People can sue for anything; it doesn't mean they can win. If you are that concerned, consult with a lawyer to see if she does sue, what you need legally to make HER pay for your lawyer's fees when she loses.

I was addressing this.

Yes, all of us BS's want to do something dramatic like this fellow did:
[img:center]http://keybee.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/affair2.jpg?w=235&h=300[/img]
But as good as it may feel immediately, remember that the end result is to lower your own standard of behavior toward that of the AP's.

As my father wisely told me:

Everyone, thanks for your insight.
prayingandprayin and Melodylane-I hope the A is over. I have no proof one way or the other. My H and I had a big blow up last week and I have felt awful since. Many times I felt he protected OW from exposure and from me confronting her in person (the only contact I have had with OW is by email, I have never met her). I regret not exposing immediately and the "real threat" to the marriage MAY BE over, but I still feel the OW got away with it and will probably do it again to someone else. I am not sure if exposure would give me support but it would explain to those around me why things are so difficult and would let OW know I am not letting her get away with trying to destroy my family. Maybe exposure is too late at this point IF NC is in place and the A is really over. OW is a blood sucker, and as I stated before, OW is an attorney which gives her more knowledge than I have over the legal ramifications. Thanks again for being a sounding board!!

It is not wrassling with pigs to open the doors to onlookers. It is to rise above the piggery. It is to climb in the pig pen yourself when you enable it by keeping their piggy secret. Exposure is a great thing that has killed many affairs. No one likes to roll around in the the pig pen when every one is watching with disgust on their face.

Joan, for sure I would tell any close members so you can get their support. Do you have someone who can support you? And yes it is too bad that the skankyhola will go on her merry skanky way, but she will get her just desserts some day. Count on that.

You need to jump on this, joan. The real threat to your M is that your WH has no boundaries and does not respect your M. Have you read the articles on this site?

I would suggest you get the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Surviving an Affair". I can't speak about HNHN, but I got SAA immediately after D-Day and it is a wonderful book. Other posters give high marks to HNHN.

You need to affair-proof your M or the chance of it happening again is very good.

I can speak about HNHN(gotta help a fellow poster out, MB). HNHN is a more in depth book about the ENs and it touches on As as well.

I would also suggest Love Busters and Fall in Love Stay in love.

You know, I keep hearing about HNHN. I'm going to order it. Not saying I'm in crisis, mind you; we're great, THANK YOU MARRIAGE BUILDERS - but this is all such good info. I always want to know more.