Princess Meggy!!!

ML!!!!

Just sent you a FB email.

We miss you. I had a similar phase a couple months ago where work was very busy and daytime MB access was out. I'm glad it's over.

You can set your number of posts per page to 99, load and save long pages in Firefox, and carry them on a USB thumb drive and sometimes even draft responses. I'm just sayin' ...

If there is irrefutable evidence of an affair (I mean photographic evidence or a recording of your spouse admitting to the affair), then there is no legal reason to prohibit posting on Facebook. However, if it is a case of he said/she said, there is grounds for a suit.
That said, publicly humiliating your spouse for hundreds of "close friends" (though I'm confused how anyone can have that many close friends, and if so why wouldn't a discreet phone call be more appropriate) doesn't seem to fulfill the purpose of the exposure. It is my understanding that the purpose is to spotlight the affair in hopes that the wayward spouse won't be able to continue his/her behavior under the scrutiny of those nearest and dearest and so there can be progress and healing in the marriage with the assistance and encouragement of those who love BOTH parties involved. I don't see how outting the wayward spouse to your mom's sorority sister from forty years ago via your mom's Facebook wall serves that purpose.

Really? So how would I post my responses? Would I have to wait until I can log in? I wish there was a way to reply through my Google Email. I have it set to send me posts from certain threads but I don't think I can reply. By the time I get on at night, the thread has moved on.

ANead, no one is saying to do any exposure through someone's FB WALL... what is usually advised is to find the most relevant "friends" (i.e., family members, close friends, etc.) and send them a PRIVATE FB message. You can do this even if you're not friends with someone personally.

What Princess Meggy said (good to see ya again...had me worried)


AND

typically the broad facebook exposure is on the OM/OW side of the equation where you don't know the best targets to hit (or really any of the targets) so you just hit them all (most of his or her FB friends) and hope you hit the right ones that will apply the right amount of pressure on THAT side of the fence.

Rarely is FB used on the wayward spouses side of the fence except maybe as a last ditch effort upon a really independent wayward spouse that has a bunch of FB friends the spouse doesn't even know (for example, old high school FB friends of the wayward spouse in situations where the affair is with a old high school flame or internet gaming "friends" that are part of the group which OW/OP resides as well as the wayward spouse but the betrayed spouse doesn't know them nor any other way to contact them).

Mr. W

Again, point was missed. We don't do exposures to anyone's wall. That point has been made so many times that I am not inclined to make it again.


This also misses the purpose of exposure. Exposure should not be "discreet." Why in the world would you want to be "discreet" when you expose? That is an oxymoron. Exposure is to EXPOSE. TO EVERYONE. And yes it is humiliating to be caught acting bad. It should be humiliating.

Hey! Who are you calling an oxymoron?

But no one has suggested that.

I don't think that anyone who has read this thread can seriously think that this is what we advise, or anything like it. How does a BS's mother's FB wall fit with anything we have been saying?

This is a wind-up, and se should ignore posters who keep making ignorant comments about distant acquaintances on FB walls.

You have to excuse her. English is her first language.

dis is true...

Thanks for getting this info! My question is about things that are private in nature. Is there any legal distinction regarding "ownership" of the private facts. For example, if one has an STD and someone else publicized this, it would meet all 4 categories above. But surely the person with the STD is free to publicize it if they want. It's quite simple when there is a sole owner of the private fact.

It an affair, the private fact is owned by several people: WS, BS, OP and OPS if they exist. There's no way you can convince anyone that the BS is not part-owner of this information! Therefore, as part owner of the private fact, do you not have the legal right to publicize this?

Any chance you can call him again and ask him for clarification?

That could certainly be argued in court, but my understanding is that a person's sexual activity is personal to them and is owned by them. I'll call my friend.

But again - I have yet to find an instance of this suit against a BS actually occuring in the context of an affair.

You worry too much, buddy!

"We know that God causes all things to work together for good" (Romans 8:28)

My argument would be that it is very personal to ME and my children, as the victims. As a free citizen, I have a right to tell anyone the truth about crimes committed against me. No one can take that right away from me. And if crimes were afforded some kind of right to privacy that supercedes our free speech right then we wouldn't see such behavior reported in the media every day. This is no more "private" than sexual molestation of a child. In those cases, we protect the identity of the victim, not the perpetrator. Crimes are meant to be committed in secret, but that doesn't mean they are "private" behavior and protected by law.

Thanks.

Also upon further thought, one could possibly argue how public FB really is.

NOTE: MB recomments private messaging FB friends NOT posting on their wall and I whole-heartedly agree with this as wall-posting is far less effective.

Anyway, even if one were to post on someone's wall, this is not exactly the same as renting a billboard on a highway that can be read by anyone who drops by. For one thing, the only people who see the wall are confirmed friends of the owner of the wall, unless the wall-owner doesn't have any privacy settings. If they have no privacy settings, they've essentially left their wall open for anyone to view and write on. If they DO have privacy settings, then the wall isn't exactly public, is it?

And because I strongly believe private messaging via FB is the way to go, can this really be considered publicizing a private fact? Does it make a difference if you tell one person, 10 people or 100? And does it matter that the people being told were hand selected from a group of friends on the WS/OP's list? I.e. addressing point #4 where the private fact is newsworthy or of public concern as it may be particularly newsworthy and of great concern to those who received the private message.

There have been lawsuits filed by one person after his paramour publicized their trysts. His position was that he owns his sex acts, even when they were with another person. She had no right to publicize 'his' acts, even though they were 'hers' as well.

Does that make sense?