Bumping for my questions

Bumping again for questions:

* Did you apologize for things that you regret doing or not doing during your marriage while you were or are in Plan A? Of course, I realize that I did NOTHING to deserve an affair and I can see that in my Plan B letter to my spouse, I should be apologizing there but should I also be expressing regret to my spouse NOW during Plan A that I did not fulfill his needs the way that I could have and that I would change things if he dumps OW and returns to his marriage?

* Also, during Plan B, if you had children involved in extracurricular activities or sports, how did you handle that? If my husband and I WERE To actually divorce (I'm still praying that hubby will someday come to his senses and we would not have to divorce), we WOULD both still plan on attending our child's extracurricular stuff...gymnastics, etc. I think it's in the best interest of our daughter to have both of her parents there to support her to root her on, etc. Have you and your WS both showed up and have just sat in separate places and have not spoken during plan B?

* This just baffles me... WHY IN THE WORLD don't wayward spouses just make up their minds and LEAVE? Why do they have an affair and then continue to be married to their spouses for months and years on end without taking steps to end their marriages? I'm sure that there are many reason for this. I think with my hubby, he's on the fence because: He is concerned about ultimately NOT choosing to dump his OW and the effect that divorce will have on our daughter, he's also concerned that if he breaks things off with me that sometime down the line he will realize his mistake and want to come back and then it will be too late, he also is torn between doing what he WANTS to do as opposed to doing with he KNOWS is the RIGHT thing to do because of his religious and moral beliefs, he might not be sure that the relationship with his OW will work out and therefore might want a back up plan (me...ugh), the finality of divorce might frighten him a bit, etc. What do you think? Why do you think that wayward spouses drag things out for SO LONG at times? Do you really think that there is so much inner conflict?

* Also, how did you handle Plan B if you have children (young children...like, under five)? My daughter is four and the counselor that I took her to actually suggested to keep things as normal as possible for her while my husband is deciding whether he wants to work on our marriage or seek divorce. The counselor said that as much as I can stomach it, have WH come to the house for visitation and do family things together as much as possible for now. I know that this will fly in the face of Plan B when I eventually have to switch to that but is fine with Plan A. I am concerned that if I go to Plan B, my husband will think that I will no longer be acting on what the counselor suggested and will then think that I'm not looking at what is best for our daughter and that could affect the plan that I have for full custody (if my husband doesn't turn things around and we divorce). Have any of you had any legal suggestions against Plan B for this reason?

I will give you input as I understand it. Hopefully others will reply and give theirs.

I believe that in plan A you can point out that you see you made mistakes and are aware of them and want to have the future be different. Mostly plan A is for being attractive as possible so don't linger on apologies but try to be as much like you initially were to appeal to the spouse to marry you (if that makes sense).

In plan B you don't both attend extracurricular stuff. Your IM will help make sure you don't run into each other. If you ever divorce.....then you can decide if you want to see him again or not at these events. The best interest of your child is that you....the betrayed have peace of mind to continue to be a rock to lean on for them.

Not sure why waywards don't leave except Dr. Harley states that an affair is the waywards solution to emotional needs being met that they are aware are not met by the betrayed or OP and having to choose messes up the solution they chose.

Once you go to plan B....no councelor will hold it against you to remove yourself from emotional abuse of an affair. It is a sign on strength to allow the child access to the wayward parent while not allowing yourself to be in an emotionally devastating/toxic situation.