I am also real curious to know the FULL benefits of what you and YOUR WIFE needed from each other that you got from getting MARRIED that you could not have gotten by just dating....are you referring to sex?

It couldn't be sex, because he does not find her attractive, and never did. Perhaps it has something to do with the shared income, and Tom's ability to only afford rent and truck, and nothing else? And she could afford food and utilities?

From my side; the shared income was a significant factor, and also companionship.

For her: companionship, support, I know those are things she needed. There were other reasons for the marriage as well, but those were definetly things we gained and both needed at the time.

I also want the companionship. That is an important need of mine. But I do not see why those other needs are any less important just because they aren't intimate. They are necessary for everyday life. To me, those things come first, then if you get the intimacy on top, thats like icing on the cake.

And I am still shocked that post 2449804 was not edited by the moderators. I think it is one of the most offensive posts I have ever read on here. After the other things that were edited last night, how that wasn't I have no idea.

Get a dog, Tom.

I have a dog CW. Whats your point.

Companionship.

But the dog wouldn't be able to financially support him or clean his dirty underwear.

Not the same as a person, and doesn't come with the other benefits either. So a dog can help with one need. There are others.

I do my own laundry thank you very much. I was just happy when I was able to stop doing hers all the time as well and she took on that task.

Get a show dog, Tom.

What the???

My H complained to me one time that he didn't have any clean shirts. So I told him to wash some. And that's exactly what he did. Washed his own shirts. Left the laundry from the other five people in the house in the basket. What a lousy way to be.

Goodness, if you're running the machine, why not do all the laundry? Do you wash *your* dishes and leave hers in the sink, too???

No, I do all the dishes and that is usually after doing all the cooking. Do I really need to continue listing all of the chores around the house, because its going to be pretty much the same theme.

Yes! Please list all the chores. It will be great practice for you to clarify which are important to you, to aid in your discussion with your wife when you have this very important conversation.

Well, if you would share MB with your wife and introduce her to the EN's and fill out the EN questionnaire so that she would know what your top 5 needs were and have some chance at least of fulfilling them, then maybe this would improve. But, since you refuse to do that, you have no room to complain.

You can't expect someone to fulfill a need they aren't even aware of.

If she loves you like you say she does, she would wash a dish to keep from losing you, Tom.

Tom, have you considered joining a debate team?

Honestly, I don't think you even want to solve your problems. I think you just enjoy arguing with people.

You cant get companionship without being married???? I am so confused!!!!!

I have said before, she knows that those things are important to me. We have had discussions about the things that are important to her and whats important to me. I have said that before on here. It doesn't change her actions. She says at times that she wishes she was better with those things. Wishing doesn't vaccum the living room or take out the garbage, I know, I've tried.
Part of the problem I think is that she appreciates that I do those things, and just enjoys it. She tells friends of hers the things I do and they tell her she is lucky (they wish they could get their husband to do the same). The female friends/coworkers I have say the same type of thing quite often as well.
At times I have just stopped doing them to see if she would pick up the slack, no, those things just didn't get done. So I had to go back to doing it all. It is just very tiresome doing all of those things around our house. 1 person doing the job of 2.

We have talked about, its not a complete mystery. I don't lie to her about this, or keep her in the dark about it. The conversations just don't change anything.