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Really, is so hard to throw in a load of laundry? I never look at who's clothes I'm washing. I just go to the laundry hamper, separate the whites and darks, and throw the darn things in the machine.
It isn't rocket science. Really, I do basically most all the other chores around the house and you are focusing on me getting her to do her own laundry. If my loads have extra room, I grab an item or two of hers. Otherwise, I leave that for her to do. I do more than plenty around the house. Is it so much for her to do that one thing. I would like it if it was much more she did so it was a little more balanced as well.
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SF and RC take time, energy, and desire. If you don't have very much of those 3, especially the time and energy, Kinda hard to do them. If it's important to you, it isn't hard at all. My H and I have more UA time than you and your W, and he is away from home 12 hours a day for work, we have a 2-year-old, and absolutely no $$$ to hire a baby sitter. We don't get as much UA time as I would like, but it is a priority for us, so we do everything we can.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Really, is so hard to throw in a load of laundry? I never look at who's clothes I'm washing. I just go to the laundry hamper, separate the whites and darks, and throw the darn things in the machine.
It isn't rocket science. You forgot the detergent... 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Really, I do basically most all the other chores around the house and you are focusing on me getting her to do her own laundry. If my loads have extra room, I grab an item or two of hers. Otherwise, I leave that for her to do. I do more than plenty around the house. Is it so much for her to do that one thing. I would like it if it was much more she did so it was a little more balanced as well. Then fill out the EN questionnaire and share it with your wife and let her know that DS is important to you.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Posts: 2,803
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Really, is so hard to throw in a load of laundry? I never look at who's clothes I'm washing. I just go to the laundry hamper, separate the whites and darks, and throw the darn things in the machine.
It isn't rocket science. You forgot the detergent... I can't afford detergent.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Posts: 676
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Really, I do basically most all the other chores around the house and you are focusing on me getting her to do her own laundry. If my loads have extra room, I grab an item or two of hers. Otherwise, I leave that for her to do. I do more than plenty around the house. Is it so much for her to do that one thing. I would like it if it was much more she did so it was a little more balanced as well. Then fill out the EN questionnaire and share it with your wife and let her know that DS is important to you. So you are ignoring the fact that I have mentioned that she knows that DS is important to me. She knows, she has stated herself that she knows it is important. She doesn't enjoy doing it, neither do I. But she knows it is important.
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SF and RC take time, energy, and desire. If you don't have very much of those 3, especially the time and energy, Kinda hard to do them. If it's important to you, it isn't hard at all. My H and I have more UA time than you and your W, and he is away from home 12 hours a day for work, we have a 2-year-old, and absolutely no $$$ to hire a baby sitter. We don't get as much UA time as I would like, but it is a priority for us, so we do everything we can. I would love to get some extra of that UA time in together on the weekend when I spend time cleaning the house, but she usually finds some excuse not to participate. So that once again becomes alone time. Some nights we get about an hour of time together on the couch, other nights less than that before I go to bed. I try, I want to spend more time, and I know she does as well, she has said that.
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Really, is so hard to throw in a load of laundry? I never look at who's clothes I'm washing. I just go to the laundry hamper, separate the whites and darks, and throw the darn things in the machine.
It isn't rocket science. You forgot the detergent... I can't afford detergent. Doh! ![[Linked Image from free-smiley.info]](http://www.free-smiley.info/signes/signes-smileys-emoticons26.gif)
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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She does know certain things make me happy, she recognizes it, comments on it at times, but many of them are things she does not enjoy doing, or doesn't feel she has time to do. I don't enjoy doing them either, but they are things that need to be done by someone. When she doesn't, I get stuck doing it all. I'm assuming you mean household chores. Here is the MB way to handle those: 1. Make a list of all the chores that need to be done. 2. Each of you put your name by the chores you like to do and would be happy to do. 3. Now you've got a list of chores left that neither of you wants to do. So you put your name by the ones that are important to you to get done. 4. Now you either do the ones that are important to you, or hire someone else to do it, but you DON'T force your spouse to do them...because...they don't care if they get done! YOU do! So do it! Steve Harley had me and my H each make a list of the chores we thought were important to be done around the house. We made them, and my H's was pages long. Mine was quite briefer. We got back on the phone, SH asked if we'd done our homework...yep, sure did!...then he said, "Okay, now each of you is responsible for doing things on YOUR list." My husband spent SIX HOURS sweeping and mopping the floor (about 1000sf of hardwood), which he said he wanted done three times a week, and when he was finished, he said, "I guess I'd be okay if this got done just once a week, like on your list." bwa-ha-ha. You don't FORCE your spouse into manual labor! If you want something done around the house, do it yourself! And be thankful (PRAISE) when she does something that is on YOUR list. Well, then, did you ever try this?
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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[quote=writer1]
I try, I want to spend more time, and I know she does as well, she has said that. As Nike might say, then just DO IT! When was the last time you took your W out on a nice romantic date? Or maybe a weekend away? Or picked her up some flowers on your way home from work. Or had a candlelight dinner in the dining room. Come on, you guys don't have any kids! This stuff is so much easier before you have children.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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The last time any of those things were done were on our anniversary.
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The last time any of those things were done were on our anniversary. Well, what are you waiting for?
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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She does know certain things make me happy, she recognizes it, comments on it at times, but many of them are things she does not enjoy doing, or doesn't feel she has time to do. I don't enjoy doing them either, but they are things that need to be done by someone. When she doesn't, I get stuck doing it all. I'm assuming you mean household chores. Here is the MB way to handle those: 1. Make a list of all the chores that need to be done. 2. Each of you put your name by the chores you like to do and would be happy to do. 3. Now you've got a list of chores left that neither of you wants to do. So you put your name by the ones that are important to you to get done. 4. Now you either do the ones that are important to you, or hire someone else to do it, but you DON'T force your spouse to do them...because...they don't care if they get done! YOU do! So do it! Steve Harley had me and my H each make a list of the chores we thought were important to be done around the house. We made them, and my H's was pages long. Mine was quite briefer. We got back on the phone, SH asked if we'd done our homework...yep, sure did!...then he said, "Okay, now each of you is responsible for doing things on YOUR list." My husband spent SIX HOURS sweeping and mopping the floor (about 1000sf of hardwood), which he said he wanted done three times a week, and when he was finished, he said, "I guess I'd be okay if this got done just once a week, like on your list." bwa-ha-ha. You don't FORCE your spouse into manual labor! If you want something done around the house, do it yourself! And be thankful (PRAISE) when she does something that is on YOUR list. Well, then, did you ever try this? I read that before. I am sorry but I do not completely agree with it. Yes, some things are more important to me than her. But there are all things that will benefit us both at home. We both benefit from a cleaner home on the inside and a well kept home on the outside is necessary where we live. When two people live together, these tasks should be shared as equal as possible. I don't understand what is so wrong with that. I don't want to do them, I don't enjoy doing them. It is like I tell my students, it doesn't matter if they want to do the assignment, it needs to be done.
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The last time any of those things were done were on our anniversary. Well, what are you waiting for? Romantic Nights and flowers cost money. I prefer to try and spend less of that stuff. I do when I have to. And you can not do nights out all the time. I am happy anymore if we even eat a meal together every once in a while. Does not happen near as often as it used to.
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1. Make a list of all the chores that need to be done.
2. Each of you put your name by the chores you like to do and would be happy to do.
3. Now you've got a list of chores left that neither of you wants to do. So you put your name by the ones that are important to you to get done.
4. Now you either do the ones that are important to you, or hire someone else to do it, but you DON'T force your spouse to do them...because...they don't care if they get done! YOU do! So do it!
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
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The last time any of those things were done were on our anniversary. Well, what are you waiting for? Romantic Nights and flowers cost money. I prefer to try and spend less of that stuff. I do when I have to. And you can not do nights out all the time. I am happy anymore if we even eat a meal together every once in a while. Does not happen near as often as it used to. Didn't I mention something about a nice candlelit dinner in the dining room? Maybe you could follow that with a little dancing, a little cuddling in front of the fireplace, a little SF. Other than the food (which you'd have to buy anyway) that doesn't cost a thing.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Posts: 676
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1. Make a list of all the chores that need to be done.
2. Each of you put your name by the chores you like to do and would be happy to do.
3. Now you've got a list of chores left that neither of you wants to do. So you put your name by the ones that are important to you to get done.
4. Now you either do the ones that are important to you, or hire someone else to do it, but you DON'T force your spouse to do them...because...they don't care if they get done! YOU do! So do it! And what if that person cares that those things get done, but still does not make a legitimate effort to help do them.
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Definitely do it Tom. I randomly schedule and deliver on things like this. You can't trudge through life not doing anything special sometimes because you'll eventually just drift apart. Trust me - that is never a good thing. I found out the hard way.
Thank God - my wife loves me or else I would be gone by now. I woke up last year and our relationship has just grown by leaps and bounds.
Good Luck - and hey - I think you would be a great debater too!
BTW - I'm here on MB because I realized I needed help in my relationship! this place is great!
Last edited by Powerbane; 12/08/10 09:29 PM.
Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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The last time any of those things were done were on our anniversary. Well, what are you waiting for? Romantic Nights and flowers cost money. I prefer to try and spend less of that stuff. I do when I have to. And you can not do nights out all the time. I am happy anymore if we even eat a meal together every once in a while. Does not happen near as often as it used to. Didn't I mention something about a nice candlelit dinner in the dining room? Maybe you could follow that with a little dancing, a little cuddling in front of the fireplace, a little SF. Other than the food (which you'd have to buy anyway) that doesn't cost a thing. OMG...You took the words right out of my fingers...I was just gonna say practically the same exact thing!!!!
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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Posts: 2,803
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1. Make a list of all the chores that need to be done.
2. Each of you put your name by the chores you like to do and would be happy to do.
3. Now you've got a list of chores left that neither of you wants to do. So you put your name by the ones that are important to you to get done.
4. Now you either do the ones that are important to you, or hire someone else to do it, but you DON'T force your spouse to do them...because...they don't care if they get done! YOU do! So do it! Did you read #3 and #4. If it's important, then the person it's important to has two choices: they can do the chore themselves or they can hire someone to do it for them. But you CANNOT force your spouse to do something they don't want to do. That is an LB. And what if that person cares that those things get done, but still does not make a legitimate effort to help do them.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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