Sorry for the screwy quote thing.

So what you are saying, is that you do not agree that it is important for people to share the load of annoying but necessary crap that needs to be done around the house daily/weekly/monthly.

And no, I am not going to hire someone to simply pick up after my wife and take out the garbage or do our dishes. That should not be necessary. We are two human beings who should be more than capable of doing what adults have to do when they grow up and do not yet have kids around the house to have help with the chores. (and no do not go into a rant saying that that is all i think having kids are for)

No, #1 and #2 involve making a list of chores and then putting your name by the ones you don't mind doing, and then doing them. Your wife would of course put her name next to the chores she doesn't mind doing. Then, you tackle the chores that are left. You each put your names next to the chores you think are important. Then, you either do the chore yourself or you hire someone to do it. With the chores that are only important to one person, that person does them or hires someone else to do them.

I'm pretty sure most people would agree that dishes have to be washed and laundry has to be done, so I'm guessing your wife's name would be next to those chores either as something she doesn't mind doing, or at least something she thinks is important to get done. So would yours, unless you like eating off dirty dishes and walking around naked all the time (and if you do, I don't want to know). With the chores that are important to both of you, you either do them yourselves or hire someone else to do them.

But your method involves forcing your wife to do something she doesn't want to do without offering any other alternatives and that won't work. You can't force anyone to do anything and even if she did do it, it would cause her to feel resentment towards you because she doesn't really want to.

I understand what you are saying. Sadly at this point of the relationship, I have the resentment towards her because I feel I do the majority of things around the home. That was the same when she was working the same job as me, the same when she was not working at all, and the same when she has a new job now.

Then you need to sit down and talk to her about it. You need to be honest.

Your wife: CHECKMATE.

Your move.

Who makes a mess if neither of you are home for more than a few minutes a day? The dog? Get rid of it!

Who is eating at home? You're only there together for three hours a week...who exactly is making these messy dinners? Oh, you do all the cooking, while she is out. Clean up after yourself then.

Or entice your woman to be home.

Checkmate.

Your move.

YOUR WIFE IS NOT YOUR STUDENT.

Are you a Christian man, Tom?

CWMI, I know where you're going, and it WON'T WORK. He will NOT be persuaded by calls to his religion. Tom's ego is WAY too big to be governed by any particular religion.

Every time someone offers advice you reject it. Every time someone makes an observation that may help you see the situation differently you reject it. Every time someone TELLS you do something you reject it. "That won't work. That's not true. I don't believe it. I won't do that. I can't do that."

I think that over the years your wife has probably heard this so many times that there is no reason to talk to you. There's no reason to spend time with you. There's no reason to listen to you because you don't listen. You have no tolerance for anything outside of what you want, think, feel.

This is how a majority of affairs begin...this is a cancer eating at your M....Unresolved resentment...fix it....

Yes I am, and I do not think that I have a big ego.

My wife does enjoy spending time with me, and talking to me. I don't see why you are assuming this. She is a happy person who is very much in love with me.
And you are very wrong about the idea that I only care about what I want. We all have selfish tendencies, of course. But, I care very much about other people.

The toast is done.

I did not cook toast for dinner. Actually I cooked chicken and noodles. And we had a lovely dinner together. Now she does not feel well tonight and went to bed early.

Tom, YOU said your wife finds excuses to avoid UA time.

Those are not the actions of someone who is romantically and passionately in love. She may love you, she may think she is in love with you but I suspect she feels constantly off balance and vulnerable and unable to be strong (as you need to be, very strong, to really love someone with all your heart) because she doesn't know which parts of her life are real and which are lies.

She is busy. That is different than making excuses for not doing something. She is legitimetly busy much of the time.

Busy with what? Honestly, if you are coming behind the housework, do some damn housework and get your time!

I said before, she has a handful of things outside of work that she is involved in. I don't see those as excuses though, just things that she is involved in. It is more than I would like, but they are important things.
As for me, the only thing I really do outside of work is go to the gym once a week. I have tried to get her to join me, but she does not want to.

It's like the movies, Tom. You've got to find something you both enjoy. Don't let yourself believe the lie that if she cared about you she'd accept your request and go with you. A caring husband recognizes that his wife can say no and accepts her answer, because he realizes that he would have been gaining at her expense otherwise.