THanks for the support! I htink we'll make it to the 15 hours...I know now how UA is really so, so important...and you know, he told me the other day that he is "falling head over heels in love" with me again. and that literally gave me those little flutters in my heart that I used to get when we were dating so long ago... I think part of that is because we are spending so much time together getting to know each other all over again...

We did discuss EP's a long time ago (although not in those terms--before finding MB, but we discussed them wiht our counselor), and I ahve been thinking lately that we should revisit them.

I have read some other posters say that the feelings for their spouse go down when they are NOT meeting the 15 hours MINIMUM. Even DrH won't council couples if they don't commit to meeting the minimum.

It sounds good to discuss EPs again. You have to know that your WH is doing everything to protect you and your marriage.

Thanks, I suppose I needed to hear that...we will meet the 15 hours from here on out...every little step counts...and I don't count things like our communting to work time (that's over an hour a day) and such because I don't think that meets the requirements to be UA...we will make it to 15.

Here we are, almost one year out from D-day...I still pray we are doing well togehter, have been working on meeting each others needs, 15 hours Ua, etc... Counseling is going great... I am hesitant to say we are in recovery, mostly out of fear, which is something I need to work on. I am still hyper-sensitive to any signs of continuing the affair, and see none (although, in the back of my mind, I hear myself saying...but you didn't know before when he was having an affair...how could you possibly know now???)....

He is being so accountable to me, and working to meet my needs...and I see so much constantly improving in our relationship...

But right now, I am triggering big time on every little thing. I am not over-reacting, just getting sad and have difficulty wiht some activities right now because of hte memories... I am hoping it is because of the time of year, the fact that we are so close to the 1 year mark...but I find myself wondering, will this always happen?

Do I have to look forward to being emotional and remembering past events everytime this particular date comes around? Or does it really get better with time?

One year today... so far I seem to be handling it far better than I thought I would. Just a few times of stray thoughts, remembering where we were last year. It was not a pretty place. And, right now, I am about 30 minutes away from the actual hour that I found out about the affair. Fortunately, our counseling session just happens to fall on this day and this hour...

One good thing is that the OW hasn't attempted contact today...which is something I am 99% sure she will try to do. She does still try, although all e-mails are blocked as are phone numbers (and I say numbers because she constantly gets new phone numbers in an attempt to call)...

I think I am stronger now, not fearful as I was, I know I can handle anything that comes my way, even if I have an initial emotional reaction. I am even 65 pounds lighter than I was...so my health is better...I just want to continue to improve.

We are in such a better place now. I know that there will be a day when we look at this date not as the day our marriage nearly collapsed, but as the day that we starting re-building it stronger and better than ever.

Thanks to everyone here,reading your stories and suggestions have helped so much this past year!

Well, I knew it was too good to be true...we have had a good day, but she did try to e-mail us (not read) AND she sent me yet another bouquet of flowers..."with love and friendship" I absolutely dispise this POSOW...

cannot even begin to express in writing how she makes me feel...adn I believe she is doing this on purpose...being cruel and manipulative... I can't wait until she finally lets go of the affair...

Can you file for a restraining order?

Sapp, you can't take out a RO against someone because they sent you flowers.

I'd suggest taking the flowers to someone you know who would enjoy them. Don't just throw them in the trash. Make goodness out of badness.

But you can file if someone is threatening your marriage by trying to contact when you don't want them to contact you. When I mean threaten I mean trying to destroy it by trying to stay in contact with the WS.

P.S If the OM tried to contact me and wheels every single day, there is no doubt we would be filing for a restraining order to get him away from us.

Thanks,

I don't know if I can file for a restraining order. I will be doing a bit more research to see if it is a possibility. I am so frustrated by the whole thing...I hate that I am even in this situation...if he had never had the affair, we wouldn't be dealing with this...not having such a good day today, my mind keeps replaying events and everything I would say to her if I had the opportunity. And I am restraining myself from just letting loose and sending her an e-mail...

intears,

Whatever you do, do not contact the OW. She want's a reaction and you don't want to give her that satisfaction.

How about using a little peer pressure? Write up the story of COW (crazy OW) and your husband's affair, including their wacky ideas as to how you were all going to be the next "Big Love." Don't justify, excuse or condemn their nutty behavior--just lay it all out. Keep it short and save it in a file.

Now every time she contacts you or your husband, add on the latest stunt to the file--so you have the sordid story of COW, plus "now, a year later, she has sent me a huge bouquet of flowers and an email saying "I love you", to my workplace. Get ready to reexpose.

Send it to her FB page, any relatives that you can find, her coworkers, all your family. Everyone who might be interested in COW's secret (not any more!) little life.

Right now it's a lot of fun for her to mess with you or maybe she really is crazy enough to think you are all sister wives. Make it not fun for her anymore by shining a light on her icky little activities. You need to get serious by making it uncomfortable for her every time she pulls a stunt like this.

And stop being "nice" and praying for her soul. That kind of attitude is giving her hope that she can get back in bed with your husband and--er, you, lol. Let God sort her out--you need to get working on your marriage boundaries!

so, I know i don't write as often as I should, but I could really use some feedback right now...

I have been speaking with the office of crime victims about the possibility of getting a restraining order. We have blocked her e-mail addresses from both of our work e-mails, etc. and she yet again gets a new e-mail address and sends more e-mail... we don't respond, and block the new addresses, but then a new address pops up...

here's the latest treatise from her(I have changed the names, but I am still worried aobut posting it in case she is lurking on this site as well)...but I just need to hear from someone else, that she is absolutely crazy...I am getting so tired of all of this...my husband says he loves me and only me and we are working so diligently to heal our marriage, our counseling is going good, and we are working to ensure eachothers needs are met and out time that we spend together is wonderful, things feel so positive most of the time...but she won't go away...
sorry what you are about to read is so long...

Dear Intears,
I would like to invite you and Intears� husband to have coffee with me this coming Tuesday, December 14. It has been over a year since you and I have met and then separated paths and I miss you and your friendship. I know that it started off under false pretenses. Obviously that was wrong. However wrong that was, what is right though, is my feelings for you and desire to develop a lifelong friendship based on trust and the love that Christ has given me. You are an incredible person who has a calling to help others and heal those who have been hurt emotionally; I need your wisdom, your love and your prayers.
This coffee is important to me for more than just being with you and Intears� husband, it represents to me all the teachings of Christ and His commandments to love thy neighbor as one should love thyself; as well as to forgive those who you have created ill will with. My heart is heavy and I would consider it broken because I have hurt you; I need this time with you and Intears� husband for healing, and forgiveness. Our lives are too short to remain enemies over actions that Intears� husband and I did. I am sure you need healing as well as the pain for you must still be there.
In the past year I have developed an incredible prayer life and relationship with God that would have never occurred if was not for you and Intears� husband. I am lead by Him to develop this more and reach out to you. The call that is in my heart is not one of living in sin and of fear and hiding, but that of joy, healing and bringing peace to those who seek it. We are not called to live in fear but to live in truth with a sound mind; I can no longer ignore this call and I know from when Intears� husband and I discussed religion and God, neither can he, and I expect you can�t either.
Intears, one reason I pray you accept my invitation is that I am seeking to keep the Lord�s commandments concerning faith, forgiveness, and trusting in Him and I believe that the three of us need to meet not only for my spiritual walk but for Intears� husband�s and yours as well. I am seeking to build a heart of love and character, to break out of the shackles that have been placed on my life by others and by Satan. The Lord wants us to live a long life of peace and health; making up with you will give me peace. Intears, I am also seeking to make love and faithfulness of the Lord the essence of my life. My life of broken relationships, lost friends, and the death of a dear past friend of mine last summer has shown me the absolute importance of healing our relationship. Just last week my son and his friend were lost in the wilderness and I so needed to hear someone tell me that all will be fine and I am praying for you. I texted Intears� husband the situation and I was crushed that he did not respond. I am tired of not having you as a friend, and I hurt knowing the pain I have caused you.
My life has been one of bouncing from one relationship to another and that has kept me from focusing on allowing me to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I have seen and clearly understand now that God has absolute providence over all on earth; Intears, I need you to be my friend and have a relationship built on trust in Him as I know you were brought into my life for a purpose. I need you to understand I am approaching you with humility and grace, not lust after you or your husband, not earthly desires, not a service to Satan and his lies, but of service to God.
Finally, I seek this time with you because of a strong calling to have a generous spirit toward you and Intears� husband. Intears� husband has one of the most generous and gentle spirits I have ever known, I honestly did not know a man was capable of this, but his Godly character that is the core of his being opened my eyes to what He seeks in our lives. There is a season for all events and this time is the season for forgiveness and building relationships that are important beyond what you and I might understand.
Our lives here are too short to live in fear, to live in hate, and I am certain you have struggled as well over the last year. I am sure your feelings to me are along the lines of �why can�t she just go away and leave me in peace?� I honestly cannot imagine a life without you and Intears� husband and the kids.
My love for God, for you and Intears� husband, for your family, for my family and for a life for all of us that is far more productive than what we lead now simply calls too much to sit on the sideline anymore. I miss you Intears, I miss your smile, your laugh, your intelligence, and your courage. Please allow healing to occur in all of our hearts and grab your husband and have coffee with me. It is time!
In Christ�s Love,
POSOW


So, what do you think??? Is she crazy??? WTF I am not a swearing person, but this is ridiculous, isn't it???

Of course it is ridiculous(and I didn't even read it all because I started to hear, "Wah wah").

Why don't you just change YOUR email addresses to ones that she doesn't know. Then she can make email addresses until the cows come home and you will have NO CLUE.

I truly wish I could change my e-mail address...she is sending them to the corporate e-mail address ... we just keep blocking and, of course, my file demonstrating harassment just keeps on getting fatter and fatter!

thx...

intears, does she read here?

Melodylane...I don't think she reads here, but she is an internet junkie, and as you know from what I have shared, with the stalking style behavior she has exhibited in the past year means I wouldn't put it past her.

She is a nut. For her to use the BIBLE to pursue contact with your H really makes me queasy. I hope you get a restraining order against her. Did your H ever send her the standard Harley no contact letter?

Yes, we have sent N/C however, we sent by e-mail.

It really turns my stomach too...using God to try to manipulate us into having a "meeting" with her and developing a friendship? We had become friends before I knew of hte affair, but we were introduced because of the affair...not a real friendship...you know, I just really want it to be over. I have prayed, and I have forgiven her for her part in the affair. That was part of my personal recovery process...but the fact that she continues on...I just am reaching a point where I don't know how to cope anymore.

I would strongly consider going the restraining order route. That might wake her sicko self up.