Ok so here ia my story.

My wife and I have been married for almost 9 months now. And everything was good up to a couple months ago. Well according to me anyways. I know I have things to work on and am doing that. We are going to counseling and have been going for two weeks now. So we just started.

The problem I'm having is that she moved out in the middle of November. She was only gone for two weeks. And then she came back claiming ahe missed me and still loved me and wanted to work things out. You can imagine my excitement and joy when I heard this. I know it's a long road ahead but we are working on it.

The problem is that while she had moved out and she was all seton a divorce she had an affair. She admitted to it when I found a text on her phone. She then said two nights later ahe knew she was going to have to stop talking to him but didn't know how to do it. She valued him as a person and had also become very close to his 15 yr old daughter. That was before our first counseling session. In that first session our counselor told us that we needed to get rid of anything not positive in our marriage so that we could focus on eachother. I agreed and she did too. But ahe hasn't stopped talkin to him yet. She is saying all the right things to me but all the while still talking to him. She was so excited when we got marries to put it on Facebook and it didn't take long for her to post that she was single again on Facebook. She still hasn't changed that status. She hasn't told anyone that she's moved back home and we are working on things yet. Our families know but they also don't know about the affair either. I don't want to bring it up to them because I feel it's something we need to work out an work on.

I guess my big thing ia it's still very fresh. We go to counseling once a week and I'm very optimistic that things will eventually get better. But I also know that they won't start to get better until she severs all contact with him completely. And for good. Even though they have been friends for years they can't be any longer now that there has been emotional feeling there. I don't want to be pushy because I love my wife and don't want to push her away. But I feel that ahe is keeping him on as a backup in case we don't/can't work things out. Or worse yet that I'm the one on the backburner until they have a falling out.

I guess what I'm asking is if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how did they deal with it? I was always raised you never leave your partner and divorce is not an option. I'm am healing in my own right but it stings every time i know Shea texting him. I don't know how to act towards it and I don't want to bring it up all the time. The last week has two weeks have been pretty good and I'm glad she's home an willing o work on things. I just can't help the feelings that I have. Anger rage and ect. Any advice or thoughts and prayers would be awesome!!

Hello, sorry that you are here.
As long as you accept crumbs then that's all you will get. This isn't good enough but you are giving her the message that any scraps of hope she gives you is OK with you.
You need to say very clearly that she must stop all contact with him forever in order for you to stay in this marriage. There is no other solution. YOU have power here.
It is worrying that she could have an A so soon after marrying. How old are you? Is this your first M. She is behaving very selfishly and has already broken a promise made only a short while ago. It is not a good sign.

Yes it does worry me. But we were very very close to a divorce at that time. I'm 26 shes 23 and this is both of our first marriages.

Welcome to MB, Khall.

Your separation seems to have come only about six months into your marriage. Is that correct? I take it you have no children?

You say that your wife is having an affair with a man that she has known for years. It is possible that she was involved with him at the time leading up to your marriage, and after it; it probably didn't just start when you were separated.

It's a bad sign that your marriage ran into such great difficulties when it should have been in its honeymoon period.

How long did you date her before marriage? How well did you know her?

She has on son that I treat as my own. He's 15 moaths old. She had known him for years but they lost connection until middle of October. We were Already dealing with some problems then so she turned to him as an emotional crutch. We've known eachother for a couple years but only dated for about 3 months before we got married. Quick I know but I wouldn't trade her for anyone. I do love her. And I still believe we can work past this and spend the rest of our lives together happily. I am a forgiving person and I will always stand by her. I'm just old fashioned like that

I respect your commitment to your M, but your wife doesn't share that commitment, obviously.

Who is the father of her child? Am I right that you started dating her when her son was three months old?

Do you understand that she moved out in order to have sexual relations with this OM? It wasn't the other way around - she didn't move out because she wanted to D, and then just stumbled into this A.

It sounds like your WW was not ready to marry. It also is pretty clear that she is continuing her A with this man.

Is he married?

In addition to bliss's questions,

what were the issues that made your marriage so bad that you were planning to divorce after only six months?

As Dr. Harley advises, young, short marriage, no kids? RUN!

That's all very well and commendable but it's completely beside the point. The key is what is she prepared to do, not you.
The principle of MB is that you set the standard of the marriage you require and then she either matches that standard or she doesn't. If you set the bar low there' s a better chance of her meeting the standard but you are setting yourself up for a miserable marriage.

Personally I say get a divorce and move on. It's always tough when a child is involved but you are a young man and you will get over it. So will the child.

Take time to think deeply about why you ended up with someone like this. IT's the best way to avoid it happening again. You may think that being a 'forgiving person' who puts up with [censored] is a good quality but you can go too far with that.