For my kids, the transition was the hardest part. Never knowing when daddy would be there and when he wouldn't, not knowing what the new normal was, getting used to OW raising them and living in her house on visitation, and ESPECIALLY having to witness the terrible hostility my X loved to pour all over me in front of the kids. This was NOT the "lesser evil" by far, and why you need to get through this stage as quickly as possible.

Once the moves, separations, hostility, etc, are out of the kids range of perception, they can begin to adjust. You guys need to make a plan for them.

That stage was very hard on my kids. And when all was said and done, there were still huge problems I had to face. Financially, emotionally, I'm still a bit of a wreck. But my kids are happy and adjusted. If you can accomplish that, it is a huge solace through an otherwise horrific period.

my ws moved out this week(day after i had surgery!) and my two little ones visited ws's deluxe apt last night for a few hours-both CRIED and said they wanted to stay with him. almost killed me, stay at home 100% devoted mom. realized it's the NOVELTY-the pool(indoor), the pool table, a huge apt with almost no furnishings to run around in. oldest dd went for visit as well-said ws was same old self.
please know that this decision will ultimately put you on a course, a better course, for your life. ws and i both in writing promised not to file for 30 days. i have a p i and hope to get more info as i have no substantial proof of a but gut tells me otherwise...
i am in plan B and am losing love for ws by the minute. do i really want a cheat? a liar? someone who is making rash financial decisions that are affecting my kids? i am not so sure anymore.
i feel your pain and suffering. i am so sorry, but you are strong and you will do the right thing for yourself and those kiddies
and the boards are great-people have great insight and do CARE. what a blessing in the middle of the night!

Thank you for your input everyone. Mominpink5, I can imagine how crushed you were by your kids' excitement over ws's apartment but glad you realize it really is just the novelty of it all. As the betrayed, we want the kids' loyalty to be ours (at least I struggle with that)and right now it seems like the ws's are seeing no consequences for their horrible choices and behavior. I hope you are recovering well from your surgery and have people to help you during this time!

I still don't know what the right thing is to do, but am praying for it to become clear soon. I'm losing love by the minute too. To be honest, I can't stand to be in a room with him anymore, which is a complete shift from the effort I was making to "prove" my love for so many months. I just don't want to get bitter and hard like him.

I was instructed to plan B, but ws keeps finding (financial) reasons to contact me. since we have no legal agreement, i respond. he sent over a gushy birthday card(i love you blah blah) and some candy.
i had tickets to a church holiday show, invited ws, he said he had to go into work(ow is out of country so i don't think he had a date) but he was reluctant. it hurt me deeply, my birthday and all, but you know what? i turned the day around and believe i am getting closer and closer to D.
still working with P I to get some "proof" as i have none. but i believe ws is cake-eating and dynamic will change once ow returns from *****. he also said he's not taking any vacation at christmas(he has TONS available still) but i bet he'll be spending those with you know who.
i am heartsick sometimes, but believing that God would not want me to endure this kind of agony from someone who clearly doesn't care how his sin is affecting me or our children.
ws leaving, although very hard initially, IS getting easier on everyone. he is left to wallow in his apt alone and i get the house, the kids, the christmas tree, the familiarity of our life. guess who loses in the end? NOT ME!!!!

If you've been instructed to follow Plan B, why are you inviting your WS to a church holiday show?

I would love to Plan B, but my H won't move out. He believes he's entitled to come home to sleep whenever he's done with his fun for the night. I've been doing some reading about mid-life-crisis' and I can't believe how it describes him PERFECTLY. While it's nice to finally put a name to this insanity, it also means I have even less hope since it seems most men in MLC never "snap out of it" and eventually destroy their families.

i totally agree sh, my research on mlc is very grim too. my ws has always been a workaholic, NOT close to me or the kids, very detached. he has had his "awakening" but i don't think his future includes me and frankly, i am getting tired of the games, the manipulation.
i don't question the validity of mb principles but how many people save their ws from the bowels of the op? it doesn't seem like too many?
i continue to pray, but i wonder if i could ever trust someone who has done this(with the finances, etc) and the last two months have been sheer h e double toothpicks. my children are so worth it, but is a man who is willing to dump his wife the day after surgery and two weeks before christmas worth it?
bless you! i hope you get the results you seek.

My heart goes out to you SeekingHim.

I am in the same boat but a little bit different. I am the one with the job. He stays home with our 8mth old son while I work. I pay for everything. We have an 9yr daughter and 8yr old son. My husband has been cheating, lying, staying out all night for years!! Probably our entire marriage. I am so done. Problem is, we live in Texas and there is no legal separation. I cant legally put him out of our home. We closed on our home May of 08. I have talked to attorney's and i cannot afford the $2500 retainer fees.

I need HIM OUT OF MY HOME NOW!!! I cant live like this anymore. I have allowed him to get away with this for years. He basically uses our house as a motel. Shower, sh*t, and shave.

I am seeking therapy and now TRYING TO DETACH!!!! I dont know how since he is in my house and taking care of the baby everyday. He leaves the minute i get home. I may not see him the next morning causing me to take the baby to work.

I get sick every time i see him. I am trying to detach and I will be whatever kind of support you may need. or at least to know that i am going through the exact same thing.

i cant allow my older kids to continue to think our home is normal. not to mention getting the little baby out of this mess before it's too late.

I bought a do it yourself divorce kit. I have typed it up. Become very familiar with the entire divorce process including a home and small children. I really just want to give him an ultimatum and tell him if he does not work with me with therapy and cutting all of his "whorish" ways out, I can throw the divorce papers at him and tell him im serious. You swear to me you will do everything i need you to do to stay married to me, or I take you to a Notary and have you sign this here citation for divorce. If you refuse then I will have it personally served to you. At our own house.

Not even sure this will work. so until i really decide what i can do, i am just trying to distance myself. live like roomates. only i am paying for everything. i am living in silence right now. i want to act like he doesnt exist.

TRY TO DETACH THE BEST WAY THAT YOU CAN until you can get the money together for the divorce. I am hopeless that he will never change.

WE DONT DESERVE THIS!!!

everytime i hear his text message notice go off on his phone, i know exactly who it is and what she wants.....

Where does his money come from to finance his affairs?

He is currently receiving unemployment benefits. He is definitely having affairs, but not ones where they really have much of any impact on his pockets.