Hello Everyone! First and foremost I want to thank everyone on this site for the love and support that you sent my way throughout my awful ordeal! You really helped me when I was at my lowest and darkest place. Your experiences and advice gave me alot to think about and your encouragement and understanding lifted me up and let me know that yes I am a mess, but its okay to feel that way!

Well, I had my latest baby boy 3 weeks ago and everything is well with the kids minus the lack of sleep.

As far as me and my husband, I guess I can officially say that we're in recovery. Not sure if I should move to that board or not. Should I?

Its definitely still a process and a daily struggle but I'm no longer crying everyday and I'm not nearly as depressed as I was previously. There are still days where something triggers me and I cry but they are now very far and few between. Intimacy has gotten better still looking forward to the day that we can have SF and I not break down in tears!
We've been spending alot of QT together and making sure we plan dates. We dont talk about the A anymore and we dont talk about the OC at all. Since OW never proved DNA and has pretty much fell of the face of the earth we never really had closure in that area. Still unsure if thats good or bad. I wonder if this is Gods way of answering my prayers.

I still want to move very far away and hopefully that can happen in the very near future. I won't say that everything is peachy but we're doing better, we're still married and we still are a family.

I still wonder if NC is right or wrong. I wonder if I can really still move on with my life and be happy knowing that I may have taken a daddy from an innocent child. But I am trying to look at it as adoption. When a woman gives a baby up for adoption she is never looked down upon and can move on get married and have future children and minister at church and be active and nothing is wrong and I wonder if I can be active in church and not be a hypocrite. As you can see I still have a long way to go.

Thank you all again for support. I still sometimes need a shoulder and support and really wish I had someone closer to me to talk to. My husband has said that he wishes he had a man to talk to, to help him "keep his wife" as he puts it.

So hopefully we will both find support close to home but in the meantime I think I'm gonna send him here and not tell him my screen name, not sure how that works.

Welcome back...

NC sounds like to the way to go and glad you've achieved it thus far. Moving out of state and disappearing, for the most part, sounds like a good option to me. Depends on the state and how long OW can still file for paternity testing (2 years in many places then she is SOL).

The recovery board likely is a better place for you...mostly because it's more active.

As far as getting your husband on board...maybe discuss needing or wanting a "Recovery Plan" and that you intend to set out to find one on the internet. Then...a few days later send him a link to a recovery thread which you feel he may identify with. TST is a great recovered WH on these boards who likely has some inspiring threads that your husband may find interesting. Just send him a link and, perhaps a link to the "basic concepts". Later that night tell him you liked the website and ordered up the book His Needs/Her Needs on CD (audio version). That you feel it would be great if he and you got away for a weekend (with the infant if need be...if you are nursing) and listened to the book TOGETHER in the car along the way.

Listening together is the key. In the car is suggested as it cuts out outside distractions but it doesn't feel so "homework-like" since you've got to drive anyway. Plus...IMO...guys are more comfortable discussing emotions and intimacy issues sitting side by side rather than face to face. Cuts out a lot of non-verbal communication that is difficult for us guys to read so we say nothing instead.

One very recent threads on recovery you may like is Half-units.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

TST has changed his name to HerPapaBear now.

I'm glad to hear of the progress, Callalily! For what it's worth, I think that the reason the DNA test has not been followed through is because OW knows the child is not your H's.

I think you should believe that it isn't, and work to stop feeling guilty.

Callalily, glad you updated! Please don't get sucked into the above way of thinking. You and your COM are innocent victims as well. If OW never files for CS and DNA then how can you be "keeping a daddy from a child"? Your H's responsibility to OW/OC ends at paying CS if a case is ever opened and DNA proves him to be the father.

Yes, move to the recovery board. There are some wonderful posters over there that can guide your through recovery.

Calla!!! Great to hear from you! Thanks for updating and congrats on your new addition.

We did a private DNA test in my sitch, but mainly b/c I HAD to know if OC was H's. And, OW is leaving us alone (to date). HOWEVER, in hindsight, I would have left well enough alone and waited until she pursued CS or DNA herself. (Not sure if H would say the same however.)

And, we DID move 1600 miles away! HOORAY!!!!!

As far as NC, it is the right choice for me. H is still on the fence and we are working through that as part of recovery. (We ARE NC as far as I know.) I have told H that once our marriage is fully recovered and I feel safe I *may* be open to C (however this is STRONGLY doubtful). I am much more concerned about my marriage, our family, etc. than H parenting OC. I pray DAILY that OW would remarry and her H would be a loving, wonderful father and adopt OC. Then, hopefully, this awful experience will be behind us (or at least until OC is of age).

Please do keep up updated on your recovery. It's great to hear from you!!!

Hi Calla! So great to hear your update. I miss the old gang.... a lot. Take good care, sweetie, and God bless your young family.