I'm curious if interventions for adulterers are ever successful like they often are for other addicts like alcoholics, gamblers, etc.

(Gathering family members and friends to tell the adulterer in person how his/her destructive behaviors are impacting them and spelling out what each person will do if their loved one doesn't stop the affair.)

Anyone have experience with this?

My shrink, who hasn't heard about SAA, was also wondering if an intervention like with alcoholics was ever tried for this.
I had already exposed by the time he asked that, but I think it might be a good idea.

interventions rarely work with alcoholics. Interventions can lead the alcoholic to see how much others have been hurt by their drinking, and can help to eliminate the belief that their drinking only affects them.

Interventions are similar to exposure.

Interventions often ruin the alcoholics drinking, because he is no longer living in the fantasy world of yesterday when all was rosey. He now knows he is hurting others.... Doesn't mean he'll stop though. It does however help him to hit his bottom much quicker. If he can survive his bottom!

Exposure has the same effect. It eliminates the fantasy when everyone in the waywards circle of family and friends knows the truth and knows how much damage the wayward is doing to their family. It doesn't always cause the A to end that day, but it sure shines light on how much it is hurting those around them. I know it helped my own A end by causing me to hit bottom quicker and faster than otherwise may have occured.

Just a few thoughts from a former alcoholic (sober 28 yrs) and a former wayward.....

I agree with Papabear. Interventions are not that successful with an alcoholic because the part of the brain that controls empathy is anesthesized. What works better is jail and any other thing that forces a date with consequences.

With an adulterer, the best consequences come from exposure, IMO, because affairs thrive on secrecy. Busting it wide open ruins the fantasy effect. I think an intervention might be just as effective but it might be harder to coordinate.

An intervention, IMO would be likely to seemingly have no consequence at first. It would be a rare wayward indeed who was instantly swayed by the harm done to their family. It does happen, but not very often.

But it does seem reasonable that it would work in a manner similar to exposure, and hasten the overall demise of the A.

As long as the people putting on the intervention aren't expecting magical results on the spot, and are committed to waiting for months if need be, I don't see any harm in trying it.

Yep. WS respond to harsh realities, not just one night of an intervention.

You have to show cause and effect to them, and that the effect of their ema is painful to them (to the bs, they really don't respond, or how the bs feels).

The WS world has to stop spinning, and things crumble. But imho, as Neak said, if there is alot of exposure and a huuuge nuclear exposure, then the light of day might make the cockroach ws and op go running for cover, if that light is harsh enough.

It's a good FIRST measure, but can be done however you wish. On FB, email, phone calls, or like an intervention. There has to be followup to that exposure. Fallout and a plan in place if the Ws is to have any motivation to change.

I've noticed that on the A&E show *Intervention*, where family members confront drug addicts and alcoholics, the intervention always has two parts:

Each family member does describe the direct harm and torment that addict's habit has had upon the family member personally - but then, they always spell out the boundary that shall henceforth be laid down regarding the addict. Things like, "You cannot live with me anymore, you will no longer have access to my money/car/food whatever it is - not unless and until you accept treatment for your addiction."

Needless to say, it's the second part that always makes the difference. The addicts may cry and look sorry when hearing the pain they have caused their families, but not one of them budges for treatment until the consequences have been thrown down.

I guess you could say that the gathering of the family and the reading of the letters is part of Plan A (exposure and confrontation), while the consequences are Plan B (no contact with you unless and until you stop this selfish and destructive behaviour).

One big danger of recommending one or doing one that I foresee is the over-expectations of those undertaking an "intervention". The sentence above PRESUMES they are "successful" in other circumstances so I can only imagine a BS walking into the "intervention" with much higher hopes than should be expected. It's an over-investment of emotions into an event when simple well-planned out exposure will pretty much have the same effect.

Now an sneak attack intervention planned and implemented by the wayward spouse's parents and such parents are firmly in the betrayed spouses corner MAY be effective. Also if there are any individuals in the wayward's life that have experienced infidelity and recovered might also be great people that can confront WS and relate their stories in an "intervention" type manner. At least the betrayed spouse won't have to deal with the typically gaslighting that accompanies the typical exposure...he/she will have others to defend him/her and others ATTEMPTING to speak logically to the wayward. Not that the wayward will understand logic but at least it's not the betrayed spouse trying to "teach them". Also...a betrayed husband might actually be able to make some love bank deposits by playing a bit on the wayward wife's team and "defending" her and calming people down or when discussing it later. An "intervention" can be played very well...but I fear the typically betrayed spouse isn't emotionally in a suitable position to pull one off even close to how I'd suggest he/she do it.

Just expose the thing....don't delay trying to set up the perfect "intervention". "Interveners" will hopefully do their own "intervening" thereafter themselves.

Mr. Wondering