Being hungry is good! In my opinion, there are too many guys who eat just leaves these days...., it's important to stay healthy of course, but if I'm ordering a glass of wine and yummy crab cakes, juicy stake, or fresh sushi, I would not feel I am sharing the 'fun' time with my date if he just orders a house salad With the dressing on the side

I actually think it is very romantic AND bonding when a couple cooks together.

I like that too. I can only think of one guy that actually cooked WITH me on a regular basis...and it was fun, plus I learned a lot. But then I think it's cool when you spend time together, no matter WHAT you're doing! I don't see many guys eating only salads, but the women sure do! That reminds me of when I was friends with my late husband...I was prepping him for when he'd meet the right one and I told him to put her to the test (he loved to eat)...I said take her out to eat on your first date and get her ribs...if she eats with gusto, she's for you, if she just orders a little salad with dressing on the side and then pushes it around on her plate for an hour...she's not for you.
The funny thing is, he invited me to a banquet for a club he was in (he had no choice of the menu) and they served ribs! I ate with gusto! We married 1 1/2 years later! And it was great...

That is so romantic! When you have such romantic memories, don't they make things a bit harder for you to 'meet' new people, as you tend to compare the new guys to the perfect memories?

No because that guy (fast forward 34 years) still wants me and I think he's a jerk...he broke my heart all those years ago and NOW he wants me, annoyingly so!

I'm not surprised. Somehow I get the sense that you're quite the desirable woman.

I'm not trying to be cute or fresh. "Desirable" is an adjective that seems to just fit in this context.

I agree with this for me too. I don't see the (ever so few, lol) good times I had wit the ex as having much bearing on my viewing future dates, or prospects or whatever. Everyone is special in their own way and brings different gifts to a relationship.

And I agree with Fred, KayC, You are a CATCH!! (When you're ready to be caught, of course. )

Opt

If I'm such a "catch", how come I've had such bad luck in that department? I've had one great super-terrific relationship, but the rest dumped me. It gives you a complex after a while. My friends tell me it's how I've picked, but I've tried (in recent years) to look for the right things and STILL it backfired! I guess that's why I'll just leave it alone. I feel almost like I have something tattooed on my forehead that I'm not aware of.

Maybe it's just that: bad luck. You know more about dating than I do KayC, and I don't know the extent of your history, so I won't insult you with attempts at advice, but based on your posts and what I've learned about you here, you're intelligent, sensitive, and willing to help others even in the midst of your own difficulties. That's special.
If they 'dumped' you (a harsh word to have rattling around in your own mind, by the way), I think they weren't able to appreciate your gifts. I had a brilliant professional friend who was having trouble holding on to a job for a while. When I asked what's up she would say "they weren't ready for me." And she believe it. Started her own business and did fine.

Take a break. But some wise person said recently around here: "It's a numbers game."

Opt

Yes it is a numbers game. I guess I just don't want that many bad dates along the way. I haven't dated that much...I guess I lucked out when I got my late husband.

Hi Fred,

I've been unmarried for over 10 years, and now that the kids are in college, I started trying to date for a permanent relationship. I couldn't afford a long distance relationship in this economy, so i ended that because neither could relocate with a job, and both have to have jobs to make it work. And there is no certainty about when our situation would get any better due to the uncertainty of the economy.

Trying because I suck at chit chat with a total stranger. I had a bunch of dates go badly and am learning, but its slow now during the holiday periods. So I just go have fun by myself and wait until the holidays are over. Sux being alone, but I have to get certain pieces of my life better organized to make myself available.

I had a great october, but i totally screwed up potentially a great relationship with beautiful woman, lots of common and we could have done well, but i over analyzed it, and scared her away. . . got the intense overwhelming chemistry feeling, and it blew up inside my head.

what i have come to the conclusion is that over 50, many of us get into a rut, or a type of living, and we don't have the energy that we did 20 plus years ago. I know a guy who is 58 and just by luck, found someone, but it took 9 months to get a kiss. he moved too quickly and scared her as well. . . but he also said if this doesn't work out, he will remain single as he doesn't want to do all the work. . . it is very stressful for me, and still is, am still mad i screwed up a great potential relationship, but i now dress better, have lost 20 pounds, am in better shape, and will have a better lifestyle soon.

for me, employment, living conditions, etc are an issue, so i am going to fix that. there is a great book to read, if you want, called, "The Game" by Neill strauss. You can learn all about what you need to do. I learned quickly, what i need to do, otherwise, it will never work.

the economy is making people hesitant as well, because you can't move easily, you can't change jobs easily, and so its just local dating. The beautiful woman was two hours away, and that's alot for every weekend daily commute, and neither could stay over each others if desired, so it fizzled.

anyway, here's an interesting web site.
http://www.seduction.com/blog/the-abcs-of-failing-with-women/

the author is described in the book "The Game" and he is for real, as is Mystery and Style from "The Game". . . I have seen the behaviors these people describe work both positively and negatively. Its wild.

wiftty

Milkshake, sorry, I misread you...I thought you meant the one I cooked with...in rereading this I think you meant the ribs date (my late husband). When he passed away I knew there wouldn't be anyone like him and I don't think I expected enough...after the last one I've learned to raise the bar. They don't have to be exactly like my late husband, but we had an excellent relationship that was working and keeping that in mind can be good. They should be good communicators, we should mutually adore each other, we should have that "spark", and should both care about each other and show respect to each other, etc. Those are the things from that relationship that I want to take with me. If I can't have that, I don't want it.

Hey Fred,
I think I have another option for you. I know you already volunteer a lot of your time with AA, but if you could expand that into other areas where you're not already a presence, you might not have to worry about the dreaded first step of asking a woman out.

Today I served some dinners at the shelter for homeless vets and there was this woman there who I talked to after, just having some dessert. She had to leave early but we weren't really done talking so she said "we should talk some more sometime" or something like that. Before you know it I had her number and she mine. I'm not sure, but I think she asked me out. All I had to do was be nice and listen to her story and ask a few questions, and smile a few times.

--Just an idea, partner. Good luck and I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Opt

Hey opt, it seems that great minds think alike!

Yesterday I volunteered to help my church serve a Thanksgiving lunch to needy. One of the women who showed up was someone my new boss introduced me to at church a couple of weeks ago. I only spoke with her briefly, but I also spoke with her daughter (making sure to get her name). She's an attractive woman, with no ring on her finger and no man in evidence that I can tell!

So, who knows? Maybe she'll be in church on Sunday, and if so I'll chat with her briefly about the lunch. A nice conversation starter, eh?

Thank you also, for the Thanksgiving wish. I return the sentiment, and keep believing that brighter days are ahead.

Great to hear your still heading in the right direction Fred. When you're ready, they'll start falling out of the sky for you!

I had a great Thanksgiving! Ate some supper with the Vets, a true honor for me. Went home and started painting the foyer. I've started a new tradition, lol.

Opt

The site was inaccessible for a while, so this is the first opportunity I've had in a few days. I thought I'd follow up on my earlier post

So it turns out she was in church on Sunday, and yes, I actually went and spoke with her. She even remembered my name!

The church was holding a holiday function that evening, and she asked if I was planning on going. I said I hadn't thought of it, but now that she mentioned it, it sounded like fun.

We left with me saying that maybe I'd see her at the event (okay, in retrospect I should probably have been a little more proactive).

I was thus a little disappointed when I didn't see her there.

I'm running a 10K this Sunday, so I won't be bumping into her at church this week...

Ahh, it'll happen though. But yes, it'd be good to be a little more proactive, try to nail her down for something, coffee together, something concrete so she knows you're interested.

OK, here's an update and a question.

Early this morning I ran a 10K. I was able to get home and get cleaned up in time to make church service. Afterwards, I noticed the woman I have mentioned here speaking with another I knew and I went over and said hello.

The three of us chatted briefly and spoke about a church Christmas show occurring this evening. I didn't commit to it, but following an afternoon nap, I decided to go.

The place was not crowded when I arrived, so I took a seat at a table. A couple sat down, but that left four more chairs. In walked this woman, so I greeted her and invited her to sit, which she did.

The show was entertaining, and we had some opportunity to chat briefly and even interact during the "audience participation" portion.

When it was over, we spoke briefly, but we were both also greeted by others and so we didn't have much chance to continue talking. Finally, I left, feeling that some small progress had been made -- we had been given an opportunity to interact, and that was a good first step.

So, here's the question, directed mostly at the women, but guys, feel free to jump in: Do most women wait for the guy to make the next move (i.e., to move a relationship forward, such as asking for a phone number)? And how does a woman make it known that she would welcome such a move?

Somehow, I feel like I should have said or done something before we parted. I don't like being pushy, but I just feel like I could have/should have said something to indicate that I'd like to speak with her/see her again. I don't doubt that we'll meet up in church again, so there should be another chance, but Geez, I'm so bad at this...

Make a move - you can't know until you ask.

Coffee after church or lunch sometime during the week.

Can't hurt man - can't hurt to ask :-)

If you are attracted to her at all, you should ask her out for coffee or lunch as Powerbane suggests. Definitely!

It's far better to ask and get turned down, than not and kick yourself later.

Do it this sometime this week... Don't wait till it cools off. Don't make a lady wait.

Take it slow, and keep it friendly!

...and yes, women DO want you to ask them out.