I want to share with you, something that got my WH out of the fog, after he left us, was still having the affair and were in the process of D (and has stuck with him, he says). It's a poem written by a guy who left his family for an affair. Not sure of the source for this. I got it from a friend.

Testimony of a Fool

As I sit here in my retirement home reminiscing about years gone by,
I hope you listen to what I say, and this is the reason why.
You see, when I was a young dad with a family of my own,
I was too blind to see the things in life that mattered the most,
just one day might be gone.

I was forty-five years old, had been married most all my life.
I had two teenage children, a lovely home, along with a faithful wife.
But my life became so boring with the same things happening each day.
Sex grew so monotonous, my lust seemed to slip away.

My wife, once my lover, became my best friend.
I grew to love her more like a sister, or so I thought back then.
Lustful thoughts began invading my once faithful mind.
My wandering eyes became more wandering, most all the time.

I justified my actions,, for my wife just couldn't see,
I felt it was her fault, what was happening to me.
She was so involved with our young boy and girl,
felt she didn't understand me, nor did she include me in her world.

She was always doing for others and somehow neglecting me.
How could she have been so blind to what was happening to me
what was happening to us.

When I reached out in lust and followed it through,
there was nothing in this world that my wife could do,
for I'd found the "love of my life",
a one of a kind,
or so I thought.

My new wife was a looker, sexy and lean.
She was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen.
But shortly after we married she tried to make me over,
and that's when I knew that the honeymoon was over.

Oh how the years seemed to slowly slip away.
I thought about my first wife and children every day.
I could almost smell the biscuits as I'd crawl out of bed,
but now all that lay beside me was an aging sleepy head.

My first wife is now married to a jewel of a man, I'm told.
He spoils her and cherishes her, and now he's growing old,
with the woman that I love.

My children, when they have time, come around every now and then,
but I can't help but reminisce what my life just might have been,
had I stayed home like I should have.

Now I'm old and all alone, living out my life in an old retirement home.
My second wife died and my children don't seem to care,
for they are now enjoying the dad who was always there.

Oh, if I could live my life all over again,
I wouldn't have been as selfish as I'd been back then.
I would now love my wife for being a wonderful mother,
and respect her and cherish her as my only lover.

But all these things just cannot be,
for now it's just too late for me.
But as for yourself you'd better think twice,
should you ever want to leave your wife.

For some things can never be the same,
and I only have myself to blame.

Now my days are numbered, and I'm still alone.
I pray that God forgives me as I sit here,
in my retirement home.

Love it.
I saved a draft copy in my e-mail for future use. This is basically what I want to say to my WH. (although I haven't found 100% proof of A) He says he done. It's too hard, we've tried and get no where... blah blah blah. He is planning on leaving after the holidays. He doesn't see this as his future even though it is clear as day to me and anyone else who knows us.

Yep,...it's all about seeing the bigger picture. The poem made him wake up to the fact (though, he seemed oddly blind to it) that by leaving us for OW,...he was also opening up opportunity for ME to eventually have someone else; someone who really enjoyed me, and the family,...all the things he seemed to want to walk away from. Duh! That was a bit much for him to swallow when he really thought about it, and saw it as long term.

Thanx Daisy. How I WISH my WH would stumble across THIS one day soon.

Great poem, Daisy. Dr Harley calls leaving one's spouse for adultery "the biggest mistake of his life." And this forum of folks who deeply regretted marrying their affair partners.

A FORMER good friend of mine, Theresa, left her 35 year marriage for an affair with a married man about 5 years ago. She got divorced and guess what? The MM dumped her [censored] and went back to his wife. Theresa's kids will have nothing to do with her and won't allow her around her grandkids. Her XH remarried and is blissfully happy.

What is Theresa doing now? She is working some low paying job at a department store [she was a SAHM for 35 years], living hand to mouth at age 60, and shacking up with some fat creepy guy who treats her like crap. She wrecked her life ............for nothing.

Little did he know that it didn't have to be like this. If he had worked to restore the romantic love in his marriage, the ending would have been entirely different. I am sure he and his wife neglected the marriage until neither was in love any more.

Yes, there are countless cases like these...a friend of my dad left his beautiful wife for another. He lasted 3 years with her and died at age 48 of an heart attack. Same thing of the doctor I see regularly. He H, also a docter left her for a younger woman and 3 months after marrying her died of an heart attack.
A person I know from my village left his wife for a russian ballerina. A looker really but guess what, after one year she got her papers and left him with their newborn child to take care of.
Countless stories like these. I really do not know of many happy endings..again watch Woody Allen latest movie and you will see what I mean....
blesssing

@ Scotty - you could always get someone to wait and put one under his wiper every day until he gets it!

I like it, but my H is in a mid life crisis 56 and OW 42 and he deserted me and is at her place, our girls are in college. Now, if I give him this, and he has already called himself a senior citizen, do you think it could totally backfire?

sunnyhere56

I would hate to destroy so many trees hehehehe

I really would just like someone to actually tell my WH that he is being a turd and he needs to come home to his family. It is something that I pray about. I pray for the angels and soldiers in the war against the affair to wreck havoc in it everyday. Also that my WH and OW experience all of the consequences of their affair. I won't know about it, but I pray twice a day that it happens.

I found a link to this poem on this website a while ago and "slipped" it to my WH....and it didnt effect my him at all....Oh well...

Actually here it is...and I posted...so that is prolly around the time I "slipped" it to him... tesimony of a fool

My WH heart is made of stone now..I am convince..

On this sentence alone, I have just gained another MB hero. The fact that you still consider that door open... wow. This man has no freaking clue. No clue.


And speaking of old folks in the retirement home... when you get to old age, I can tell you that second marriages and/or blended families at that point become something completely different.

This happens even more in cases where the children are grown, or their biological parents were both firmly in the picture, but just divorced; the "new" spouse isn't fit for much more than to wipe your feet.

I've seen children come in to visit their elderly parent, and while they may be social with the spouse, they could pretty much do without them. The children also override the spouse in decision making.

With one couple, I watched after the husband passed away. I watched as his children ignored her in her state of grief, and as they stripped the apartment of things that were "his." I read as she was little more than a footnote in the obituary. Luckily for her, her own children came to support her in her time of grief.

I have step-siblings. They aren't family, they are acquaintances. On both sides, we were already grown by the time our parents remarried. There is no bond there. Doubt there ever will be. Holidays are separate... it's just weird.

Wow, that really sums it up! I don't email much to my XWH except for schedule, kids and occaisionally to set limits, but I did sent him a copy of this poem. I don't know what his response will be...