Don't worry, vivi. It won't always be so rainy in your life.

SB

I never thought I would go through this again. I was thinking back when I had my knee surgery and OW was pregnant with her 3rd child. She stayed with us to help me. She took me to my Dr's appt and cleaned my house. She can't cook so my WH and her would go get take-up and I would keep the babygirl. I never suspected anything at that time at all. I was so good to this girl, she drove my car more than I did. When I was packing the kids stuff up I couldn't believe how much clothes, toys I've bought for them. I even potty trained the babies. I combed the babygirl hair everday for her. They called me yaya (In greek it means grandma) the little girl started it and we dont know why she called me that. As u can see I miss the kids. For some reason the babygirl and I were real close. OW dad used to say we had some type of bond because babygirl always wanted to be with me. Its hard not seeing her ever again. These selfish people to do that to those babies and me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I need to tell you guys this. OW sister called me yesterday. She needed to tell me that her daughter which is 19 years old had known about the affair cause OW told her. 19 year lives [spoiler]n the same house as OW too. When OW told her she was like ain't he married plus he is 51 and his wife take care of your kids. OW was like his wife has chronic pain and cant have sex as often as he likes. she has been taking caring of the kids for them cause OW would bribe her saying WH will pay you or buy u something to eat. OW would beg her niece to watch the kids. She did it for awhile but felt so bad and stop and OW got mad at her. she told her that man is not leaving his wife and OW was like I know he is not because his wife is sick and needs him I am lost words now

Why would my WH involved a 19 year old in his mess. Her older sister waits to last night to tell me. She heard the voicemails and her boyfriend seen them out seeing my H slapping her but and giving her money he saw them at the truck stop looking like a lot lizard ( names they have for women that hang out in truck parking lot) What else do they have to tell me about this mess

Graciously thank them for their concern, while letting them know that you're so overwhelmed right now that you don't feel able to hear any more at this point. Let them know you will ask them at whatever point you feel ready to hear the rest. (Maybe that point will come, and maybe it won't.)

The point is to shut off the flow of TMI, without alienating your support group.

Thank you. I really dont need to hear any mess right now.

I need a good night's rest tonight so I am going to try and rest now thank you wonderful people on this thread.

I just want to say that I agree completely with Neak. Tell people, ' I am having a tough time with this. I know they are having an affair but I don't feel able to cope with the details right now. '

Remember Plan B meaning cutting all communication with them and ABOUT them and that goes both ways!

And I know I'm not saying the same thing as some others here but I really would not show around the tape of them having sex. The main reason I say this is that it is not digified. Don't go to their level. Stay above it all. Just say 'WH is having an A with OW. I have irrefutable proof of that.'
Another great thing about Plan B is that that it keeps you out of the mud of their disgusting A. You are a good, dignified, moral woman who is extracting herself from all that.

You are going over and over in your head all the details of what happened over the past year now what you know what was really going on. It's normal, I did too but do try not to think too, too much about it. As you get distance, you will understand things better and things will fall into place. You will understand what brought him here and how she ended up here too. That girl is a real mess, I almost feel sorry for her, she has no bearings in life, she's like a little dog that runs after any man begging for any attention, even a kick. They don't deserve as much head-space as you are giving them.

Also, I think you should start planning "vivi breaks" for yourself.
Buy your favorite tea/coffee - bath soak - facial mask goo - hair conditiner treatment - soduku - GREAT book. (reasonable and rewarding items)

And say to yourself.. "For the next 15 minutes, I am having this cup of tea and just appreciate being me. I am taking a break from worry and stress. For the next 15 min. I am going to only think about blessings."
I know totally stupid, but it does help me

Oh yeah, repeat above direction 3x a day.
at least.

I slept pretty goodlast nite. Today it is all about me. After I get back fr my appt this morning I am going to breakfast with my GF. u are right about the tape. I couldn't even look at completely but I knew it was them (How dumb are u to tape yourself with someone u are having a affair with) Such classless people. My WH has left the building for now!!

I am so glad to have people like you to support me and can't thank you enough.

I went to the Dr today for my lab results. I have no Calcium in my body and my body fat is low. My Dr is very worried about me so I told him everything. needless to say he is mad. He was like this crap has been going on this long and u are just telling me. I am still losing weight. He gave me some vitimins and told me to drink ensure. He wanted to give me something for depression but I am scare to take them because I take pain meds for my chronic pain (I hate taking medicine) I cried and cried for awhile. he told me to let it all out. I am so down that it scares me!!!!! Today I feel like I cant do this. Mr. Dr wouldnt let me leave his office. My car is still at the office (Dr wouldn't let me drive) I just lost it today. If i had my car, I would just get me a room to be by myself. I need so much help now.

I am really sorry, how are you doing? Are you eating, getting rest? Take care of you.

My husband is 56, he cheated on me during my cancer treatment, and then deserted me.

I think I may know how you feel. It has been awhile since I found out, and I am still so upset, the world seems at a strange tilt.

Look, don't do anything to yourself, that won't do anything but cause so much more pain to those who love you. Call 911 if you feel you might do something to yourself.

You have people who love and care about you, don't you forget that. They, thinking of them, will help you get through this. it may take time, but think of them if you get so low you think you may do something.

sunnyhere56

Sunnyhere56, right now I just feel so foolish. I have been through so much in my life from physical abuse with the 1st H (he cheated too) and now this WH cheats on me which I thought he would never do let alone with a young girl. I mean what can of man lets his wife continue to babysit babies of the ho he is sleeping with? This part I can't wrap my mind around it. The OW comes in my house laughing and talking with me (proably laughing at me) eating dinner with us, driving my car, telling me how much she loves me etc. I know my frame of mind is not good at this time and I will not go anywhere tonight. My SNL and DD went the Dr's office and got my car. I took a nice long bath just now. I am in the bed with my laptop. Thank you for your kind words and I hope your health is better.

This hurts worse than the physical abuse--scars heal but what about the heart???

ah, the heart heals, too. Seems to take way too long, tho.
You are so blessed to have children and friends who understand and support you.
ADS are awesome. they can really help. In your sit, some can encougage hunger.

ADs can save your sanity.

My DD and SNL are the best. They are giving me space and whatever I decide to do, they are behind me all the way. I will think about trying the AD the Dr gave me today.

vivi,
sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. But your heart WILL heal. I am sure of that. Don't be too hard on yourself. It is a normal reaction to feel this devastated. You have been betrayed in the most terrible way by 2 people you trusted totally. If you felt down for a few days then shrugged it off and got on with your life - THIS would be abnormal.
What is the current situation with WH? Is he still calling and texting? What's your plan?

Barbiecat--its not stupid at all I like this ideal