The problem wiser is that she has no courage or integrity. I think someones sig block says something about with no courage you cannot consistently practice the other virtues. No courage to do what she should have done when she felt herself falling out with hubby. Had to wait until OM comes along. Now there's false courage because she couldn't do this without someone in the wings. Couldn't do it standing on her own two feet. I want to puke. OK I'm done.

Feelings are not truth. Adultery is not "right."


You won't be happy for long in an affair. Your affair is doomed. Did you read my first post to you? I would like to hear your response.

Come to find out every man knows he can get some easy nookie if he says things like that. The fact that he is having an affair with you, a married woman, reveals that he doesn't CARE about you at all. If he cared about you he wouldn't be degrading you and helping you act like a fool.

And you would want to be with a man who doesn't respect someone in a marriage? A friend does not help take down a marriage, particularly where children are involved (unless there is abuse.)

A man who does not respect your marriage now certainly won't respect a relationship or marriage with you later. Trust me.

lostmommy: If you're looking for someone to condone your affair and tell you that what you're doing is okay and agree that what you and the OM have really is something special...

You've come to the wrong place.

I don't get it, why don't you leave your husband then and let him be as happy as you with someone else, do you think what you feel about another man is fair to him.......
So be it, you have the love of your life, go be happy and let the man that is standing by you do the same.............
Do the right thing.............
Good Luck with the fantasy

Oh, why would she do that? He could go have somebody who wasn't selfish, self-entitled, cruel, thoughtless, immoral, unethical, and lazy. He would be happy-er.

Of course, she could dig her head out of her panties and be that person instead...

Just sayin...

When our marriage was having troubles, I asked my husband to PLEASE let me know if there was anyone else. Please don't just use the marriage as shelter until you find a nice cushy place to land. Give me the same opportunity, so I'd have a cushy place to land, too. He (appeared) appalled, and swore there was no one else. Of course, there was someone else; and no way did he want me to be sizing up HIS replacement until he was ready to leave the marriage.

Be honest with your husband. Give him the chance to find the true love of his life, the first person ever to make him truly happy, his TRUE soul mate. ((Doesn't sound like something you'd like to see, does it? Picture the boot on the other foot, for a change.))

lostmommy,

Here are the realities about where you are. Pretend you are looking at one of those maps at the mall, and the little red dot says, "YOU ARE HERE". Read these words, and consider them carefully, because if you do, you will see yourself on this map and you will NOT be lost.

1. You have rewritten the history of your marriage to justify the continued contact with the OM.

2. During the conversations with the OM, you have told him stories about your BH which are partially based in fact, but also LIES - because you have exaggerated the facts to cause the OM to believe terrible things about your husband which are simply not true. You have done this, and this now contributes to a feeling of GUILT within you - which is why you are claiming to be "lost", when in fact you are not "lost", you are seeking a way to escape the consequences of your terrible behavior.

3. One of the many things you have done wrong in your marriage was to seek the "advice" of a man you KNEW to be sexually and emotionally interested in you. This is based on the fact that you had previously dated, and you knew that seeking his "support" would result in his being on "your side". The upshot is that he would encourage you to do things that were NOT supportive of your marriage, because he did NOT want it to survive. HE HAD OTHER MOTIVES, and you knew that going in - and have for a long time.

4. You did not "happen" to fall in love with this OM. You have spent hours and hours in communication with him working on the relationship!!! And, it is NOT LOVE. It is a fantasy. The truth is something you stated in one of your earlier posts, and you skipped over it! You said that you and the OM were better off as friends. YES. You learned that a long time ago. There were reasons back then that led to that decision, and those reasons have NOT disappeared over time. Fact is, you have FANTASIZED that the reasons are magically gone, and he has LIED TO YOU to ensure you that they are gone. It works for both of you...for NOW.

Have you ever once considered that if you spent the amount of time talking about the issues with YOUR HUSBAND, in an open and honest and loving manner, how much respect-commitment-love-honor-trust-growth-etc you could have created in THAT relationship? Instead, you squandered your time and effort on a man who is willing to work pretty hard to destroy a marriage. (And do not, for one moment, try to excuse OM's behavior in this. You and he BOTH chose every step of the way to make this betrayal happen and to continue. It is, and was, a CHOICE. Learn that.) What a waste of time, on a fantasy....

The problem is that the fantasy bubble bursts as soon as real life sets in. About the time you wake up with bad breath, him in a bad mood, and you two have argued over money or kids or a dirty laundry issue all night long and you realize that this fantasy is just another real life relationship that never should have happened. And YOU are back to square one.


Because

5. The final fact about where you are right now is that you are CHOOSING to betray your HUSBAND and choosing NOT to work on a relationship that once worked well enough to result in a marriage and a child. You are CHOOSING to walk away - for a fantasy. And IF YOU DO THIS, you will take the very same problems from this marriage right into your next relationship.

Because the ONE CONSTANT between the two relationships

IS YOU.


You will succeed in only one thing: making the very same mistakes again.

Because you have NO IDEA how to solve the problems you have with this husband.


How will you ever solve problems with anyone else?



Hint: You won't.



The new OM might help you, though...........



Schoolbus

Schoolbus: couldn't have said it better myself. Affairs are a fantasy that are not based in reality. They are a break from all of the responsibilities of the real world. It is a vacation from life. Keeping it a secret is what makes it exciting. Once exposed to the reality of the real world, affairs are disgusting and ugly. Affairs are cancerous to eveyone involved, and serve no purpose but to destroy people. The only good to come out of them is that they are one h*ell of a character building exercise if one chooses to learn and grow from it.