Found out over 6 months ago that my husband was involved with another woman last year. Mostly texts, emails, and meeting to talk. It became physical and he ended it... the kicker is it was my cousin's wife. My cousin found out...my husband admitted it to me. Thought I was working through it but the holidays are tough. Our kids are the same age-boys who used to spend a ton of time together. Not so much since last spring. The kids want to spend xmas together but how? husband wants to rebuild our marriage. We are working towards that in counseling for past 5 months. Things were going well. Holidays have brought everything back up again. Including my cousin's wife attempting to contact my husband. He has told her via email, text, and conversation on speaker phone that it is over. She wants him back. She said after the holidays she is leaving my cousin. He wants to tell people; thinks if it comes out she may wake up to what she is losing. My husband ended it with her and said he realized months ago how wrong the situation was and wants to continue to rebuild our relationship. I do love him but am hurting so much right now. So hard because we can't be at family gatherings together. The OW will stay away from family gathering and so will my husband. Our families will fall apart if this comes out; physically-elderly parents who are siblings. Worried about heart attacks, and extended family relationships and even more important my son and cousins 2 sons losing the friendship they have.

Take it from me. My H had an A with my own sister years ago. I just found out this year.

Everyone needs to know. Everyone. Parents, kids, extended family.

In the end, the exposure will help you and will remove a lot of the stress the "secret" causes.

It's great that your H wants to tell people. This is the perfect time for your H to finally get around to writing an official NC letter and for everyone else to be told about the A in writing. The rest of the family will put pressure on her to leave your H alone.

Isn't that what you want?

So, your H is obviously still in contact with OW, right?

If he is even receiving her emails, texts and calls then that is communication.

Do you know the full extent of their contact? Have you snooped?

sadlystressed, I am so sorry you are here for this reason. Please look up the thread of Delta on this forum. Her H had an affair with her sister. The solution is to tell the whole family. No one should lie to cover up this affair because once you tell one lies you will have to tell a hundred lies. And for what?

The whole family should be told so they can understand why both your families can't be invited to the same events. Your children should also be told.

This will be the first step in your process. Delta even contacted Dr Harley about the situation and there is a radio clip of the conversation.

yippee, Delta was posting at the same time! You are in good hands, SS.

I still watch texts, calls, emails. No contact until last month all inititated by OW after telling cousin she was leaving. I have seen his texts to her to stop, listened to phone calls, and written a nc letter. From what I can tell he has told me everytime contact has been attempted as well as what was said.

SS, that is not good if she is getting through at all. Telling you about the contact does not negate the damage it does. She should NEVER be able to get through. EVery time she gets through, she triggers his feelings for her, which is how affairs resume.

I want her to stop but envison issues with extended family blaming my husband for the situation if the "secret" is told. Afraid that outside family pressure would also hinder the road to rebuilding.

Well, he is to blame. They are both to blame. He needs to put a stop to the continued contact now.

Well, she's quite the gnat of a nuisance then, isn't she?

And she's getting something out of his responses. He shouldn't be responding in any way. Her texts, emails and calls should be blocked. And then I would verify that he's not corresponding more than you realize. Don't ask him; check into it.

Any suggestions on how to do that besides what has already been tried-letter, email, text. OW is not listening-H is frustrated. He yelled at OW a few days ago; I heard conversation and she has not attempted contact since. Cousin said she is in a bad mood. Afraid she will start again.

The elderly parents have seen and heard plenty in their long lives. Trust me.

They're big boys and girls. They can handle the truth. They will be angry and disappointed. And they should be.

I didn't want to burden my mom with the facts, either. But she and the rest of my family deserved to know. Yes, they've been angry, disappointed and sad. But they've also been very supportive of me, the victim.

Does your cousin know his W has been making contact?

SS, if everyone learns about the A - as they should - and are told that OW continues to harass your family after NC was requested, they will support you.

That's one of the main reasons they need to know. There are many other reasons as well.

She will start again if he continues to take her calls. He should change his number and his email address and/or block her. If he yelled at her, that means he was taking her call. THAT HAS TO STOP!

Pretty soon he won't be mad and she will get through. I would have him block her off.

I have and will continue to do so. I hope that I am seeing the relationship in the right light. It is so hard to begin to trust H again. Today is a hard day for me.

Cousin knows about contact will try blocking. Thxs

Meaning that you've told your cousin, right?

This creates too much stress and chaos for you, SS.

Your H had the A. He needs to be the one to ensure there's NC. It's not your responsibility. What will he do differently now? Anything?

Yes-we have been close friends since we were kids. We are a support for each other but the whole situation is stressful-obviously. I don't know what he is going to do. He keeps saying he doesn't know what else to do. He sees a counselor next week. He is planning on bringing it up then. We will talk about it in our session too.

By the way, SS, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. The family dynamic makes this extra tough.

Thx...I needed to hear that.