Exposing the Affair to Children
My experience with the positive outcomes of hundreds of families where an affair has been exposed to children has led me to encourage a betrayed spouse not to fear such exposure. In fact, to mislead children, giving other false explanations as to why their parents are not getting along, causes children to be very confused. When they finally discover the truth, it sets an example to children that dishonesty is sometimes acceptable, making them the judge of when that might occur. An affair is an attack on children as well as the betrayed spouse. And it's true that children are deeply affected by this form of irresponsible behavior. But it's the act of infidelity that causes children to suffer, not the exposure of it. Facts point us toward solutions. Illusion leads us astray. That's true for children as well as adults.

Radical honesty is valuable on many different dimensions. It keeps us out of trouble, it helps others understand us, and it helps others avoid the same mistakes we have made. Letting your children know the details of your spouse's affair would help them in all three areas. The more your children know about the affair, the more they will understand what you are going through in your recovery.

Being radically honest about your spouse's affair with your children would also help them avoid affairs themselves. How it happened and how could it have been prevented is a great object lesson for children. I learned that I was vulnerable for an affair when I learned about my grandfather's affairs. The extraordinary precautions I've taken were directly related to what I learned about him.

My son is 11. Well there has been no phone contact but I think there is email contact. Refuses to give me password and his cell phone is now locked. Keylogger shows emails and that they met yesterday. Trying to get through Christmas and then I don't know what to do. I want to confront him but I need more info...he says he wants to stay and even said he feels that our relationship is improving.

Planning on exposing right after Christmas. Told my coworkers this week.

Any suggestions as far as exposing; do you tell him first that you are going to expose or just expose and see what happens.

I am planning on telling him all contact ends with OW with all access to email, phone, etc. He will tell me no-at least initially. I plan on standing my ground and telling him that we need to separate unless all contact ends and he proves it. Any other advice?

I am planning on telling him all contact ends with OW with all access to email, phone, etc. He will tell me no-at least initially. I plan on standing my ground and telling him that we need to separate unless all contact ends and he proves it. Any other advice?