I have been viewing this site off and on over the past several months. As lost as I have ever been in my life one night, I decided to check the net for information on how to handle my domestic situation (my wife had just begun her second affair in less than three years of marriage). I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to me to discover that others were feeling the same pain, hearing the same lies, dealing with the same frustrations. I was no longer alone. Thank you.<P>Tomorrow it will be 5 months exactly that my W chose the OM. She now says that they are "just friends," that there is no more sex, that she loves me but can't find the same level of intimacy with me that she has with him, that she can't be open with me like she can with him, that he is softer than I am, etc…..<P>On Saturday night we "celebrated" our anniversary. She promised me (for the hundredth) time that it was over with OM, that we were going to make a fresh start. Sunday night she went to see him. I had warned her days before that if she went back again, I would walk away for good. <P>I haven't seen her for a few days. She has phoned me but I am refusing to answer. I drew my line in the sand and really want to stick to it. Am I wrong in allowing her to have her cake and eat it too? I just don't think she will ever give up the OM. I have been pushed and pulled so many times that I don't believe a word she says anymore. Even if she did give him up, how will I know for sure?<P>She doesn't even admit to having an affair because they apparently didn't have sex until after I was out of the house and she was officially "separated", although their relationship began well before. <P>I am sure she will call me again and tell me that he is out of the picture for good (again). How will I know? How will I ever know? Is it really possible for her to give me the 100% I need? And if she has done this before (twice, once when we were engaged), is it possible for her to ever be faithful? <P>

Big Daddy: Yes they do come back. Mine did on June 8th after living with the ow for 2 months. The affair lasted about 6 months. Hardest time in my life. And yes, if they do come back, life can be good.. Its difficult, but good.. Gets better every day.<BR>I would like to recommend to you the book surviving an affair if you havent already read it. The book will help you establish a game plan to follow to help you get through this. Your drawing the line in the sand is the same as what the author calls Plan B.. And it sounds like that is right where you want and need to be. I used plan B and it worked for me.. Its very hard to do, but it is worth it... Also another good book is called After an Affair.. There is a section in there about Romantic Love and some other good information. I showed my H the stuff from both books that I thought would help and it did... Good luck and keep posting. This site helped me so much too!!

BigDaddy... hang in there... My wife is in a 3 year affair that I found out about 2 years ago... she said it ended then and I BELIEVED IT... now she's ready to leave me and our teenage boys... She wants to stay until our youngest has graduated, 3 more years... I'm so torn over the "cake and eat it too" prospect of that... and am quite certain I'll never last THAT long... I told her this morning before she left for work, my goal is to love her without exception or expectation... she's very civil to me and we still have hugs and kisses, no sex of course... this sight is my source of strength each day... and I'm just in day 4 of this "2nd" bout with this affair... Everything you find here says they DO come back... it takes trememdous commitment, patience, sacrifice, and work to stick it out... not to mention the pain and anger you'll go thru... VENT man, VENT... it helps and each day I find another "tidbit" or two here that helps... It's my daily "hit" of strength

mickey65:<BR>Thanks for the advise. It just so happens I bought After the Affair today after glancing through it at the library.<P>I still have hope that she will one day come back, but the longing for her to come to her senses over these past months has drained me of alot of love and sometimes I feel as if I'm just being foolish and obsessive. My friends, my family think I should have walked long ago and are tired of watching me allow myself to be emotionally abused. <BR>I know she wants to buy a house now and children soon after. I want them too, but I just can't offer those kind of long-term commitments now, considering what both past and present circumstances, no matter how much I love her. How do you know when the come back, that they're coming back alone? <BR>