Welcome to MB, TL.
We would usually recommend that you move a post about IB and not spending time together to the forum Marriage Builders 101. However, your H's statement two years ago that he no longer loved you raises a red flag that he might have been having an affair. You should stay here for a while and get advice on exploring that possibility - without raising suspicion in your H. If he is still having an affair, you must find out the details before he works out what you are up to and covers his tracks.
Nothing will help you improve your marriage if he is having an affair.
As to your original question: you said that you decided to try and work things out. You should buy the book
His Needs, her Needs For Parents from the
bookshop here. You will get a discount on the cover price, plus express delivery.
You and your H should read this book together. Some couples here report that each one reading aloud to the other every night is a good way of spending time together and learning about Dr Harley's approach. It builds intimacy.
The book
Love Busters offers practical help with the independent behaviour you identify, as well as with other LBs.
Apart from eliminating an affair, the most important thing you and your H need to do now is spend at least 15 hours per week alone together (no children or friends) talking to each other, being affectionate, enjoying sex and engaging in recreational activities that you both enjoy. You BOTH need to stop spending time with your friends without the other person's presence - at least in the time that you should be with your spouse.
If you can make time to go for coffee with your girlfriends during the day then you can do that, but do not go for drinks or to the cinema in the evenings when your H is home. You should be spending that time with him. He must do the same with his friends; he does not see them at your expense.
You've been together for "almost 15 years". How long have you been married? How old are your kids?
