Went to my men’s group yesterday. This one guy has only been in it about two months. Him & his wife were separated. She had left. Don’t believe there was an affair. When he first started, he said his wife was gonna file for divorce on 1 Oct. I told him to hang on, read Love Busters and wait & see if she filed. She didn’t. Anyway, yesterday, he said she came back & they are working on their marriage. I listened to his story & then had to get up & leave. Why? “Cause I had to go bawl my eyes out.<P>Sure, I’m happy for him but it was like a knife in the gut to me.<P>Tonight the Mrs. called. I talked to her for the third time in 2+ months. Wow, am I special or what? She asked about the kids. The youngest hasn’t been doing too good in school & with her homework. We went & talked to her teacher on Thursday. She knows what is going on with our family. She told her basically to “get on with her life.” I thought it was okay, but not something I would want to do to my daughter. Me & my daughter cried a bit & through her tears she said, “I want my Mommy back!” Stabbed, punched, kicked me in the heart.<P>The oldest has missed 14 days of school since 30 Aug and she is getting two D’s. She has always been A’s & B’s. I told my Wife about the kids & that I took the youngest to counseling & the oldest is going on Thursday. It didn’t seem to phase her at all, but she said she would call back tomorrow night & see when the school conference is (Thurs or Fri) and call after that to see what’s up.<P>I couldn’t tell her I love her. Beginning to wonder if I do or want to anymore.<P>Lord Jesus, please pull me out of this pit.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris -- I am praying for you and your family. I hope it is enough.<P>God Bless

Sorry for your pain Chris, I know that deep pit. Been there a few times now. Starting to be an expert pit climber. Stay strong pal. <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Chris,<P>I don't believe I have posted to you, but have kept up with your situation for many months. I am prompted tonight because of the kids. I will undoubtably state things you already know but here goes.<P>Apart from the obvious effects your wife leaving have caused, some of this behavior especially from the older D is somewhat normal. At least where I live many people think that once the kids become teenagers, that they don't need to watched or tended to as much. They sure don't want it. Having two teenagers and one real close, I have come to the conclusion they need more attention than ever before. The problem is that won't let you give it like you did before.<P>I know you are under terrible stress but really pay ALOT of attention to the girls now. Even without all of this mess your wife created they would need more than you think. I know you are doing your best, but those teenagers are not nearly as mature as they sometimes act. And one has a tendency to treat them like adults when they are still maturing kids.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and Your Family

Thanks all.<P>Just Learning,<P>She is 14 & thinks she knows everything, but I’m still her father. I try not to treat her like a kid most of the time, but I also know she is not as strong as she may appear, so I am doing what I can.<P>Gotta go make cup cakes for the youngest to take to school tomorrow and make a dress for her Halloween costume. She’s gonna be a “flapper girl” from the roaring ‘20’s.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

oh Chris,<P> I can't decide if this makes me more sad or more angry ! <P> I don't want to make you angry with me, but.......<P>If I could I would grab your w and shake her real good to make her wake up, or at the very least ask her if she has lost her mind ! I doubt there is one w here who wouldn't give their eye-teeth for a man who is half the h and father you are ! Sorry to offend, but I've been here long enough to consider you a friend, well a cyber friend any way. <P> I am so so sorry. I wish there was some way to make this all better for you and for those beautiful girls of yours !<BR> <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chris & girls}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Chris, I am so very sorry. I will continue to pray for you and your family.<P>You are a good and strong man. Those girls are lucky to have you as a dad. <P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Chris,<BR>I am so sorry. My 13 year old son is having the hardest time of all my kids. They are homeschooled, but as soon as their father left their attitude toward "schoolwork", especially that of the 16 and 13 year olds, changed for the worse. Fortunately my now 17 year old is away at college and doing fine, but she doesn't want anything to do with her father. Sometimes I wish they all were old enough to go to college and escape from this. I don't know what to do except spend time with them - my son says that when he is with his father at the OW's house, his father spends about one percent of his time talking to him. I asked what percent he thought I spent talking to him, and he said at least 50 percent. I guess having one parent whom they can count on to love them is better than none.<P>I understand how you felt when you heard about the guy reconciling - although I am happy for the people who do, it is so hard because my H has never wavered, never even said he was sorry for hurting me, not even taking any responsibility for what he has done.

{{{{{{Chris}}}}}}}<P>Hang in there! Try not to worry too much about the schoolwork. I had one year in high school where I got mostly D's. The year my parents divorced (big surprise)! If she's usually a good student she'll get back on course eventually. If I was getting graded on my job performance this year, I'd be lucky to get D's! <P>I know how it feels to see others working things out. I'm intensely jealous of happy couples right now.

Chris: Hey bud, cheer up. Who was it that told me to look into the book Divorce Busters? Anyway I went out last night and bought two copies and gave one to my W. She may or may not read it. I read alittle before bed and it more or less said that divorce can be truly devestating to children. The book said there is no such thing as a H and W divorcing when children are involved, the FAMILY divorces!<P>I can see this plain as day, I look at my parents and I think, oh Lord how awful if they were not together. I feel at this point that I can not, must not let this happen to me and my W and children.<P>God tries his followers in many ways Chris and many times. It may be years or even never before we found out why. All we can do is pray for strength, guidance, and to receive what he as in store for us. He ahs something or you would not be where you are at right now.<P>God tries his people for two reasons, 1.To test your faith and resolve to see if you truly belive. 2.To show those that have strayed the way back to him.<P>In my view when God created you and me and anyone else he had a plan. It started with our birth and ends with us in heaven with him. In between is littered with pot holes, turns, and dead ends. He did not designate the path for you, but instead gives you a little nudge here and there, and sometimes an all powerful shove. Chris if you don't feel the shove my friend then you need to stop and look around.<P>I'm sorry I haven't addressed the kids specifically, I'm still going through that myself. But I will pray for you. <P>Your brother in Christ,<BR>Paul<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Chris,<BR> I have been reading your posts since my situation exploded (3-4 months ago) and I just want you to know that I admire the strength and courage that you have. Even though my situation is not as dire as yours (yet, anyway), you have been an inspiration to me. Thank you and stay strong!<P>dzrt

{{{{{{{{{{Chris}}}}}}}}}}<P>I feel your situation... <BR>Our roads through our respective W's affairs are very similar...<P>It is so hard and both <B>you</B> and your beautiful girls... I'm making cupcakes for my 7yo girl's halloween party on Friday. My W did it for 10 years... and I too have to (stike that...) want to continue for her.<P>I'm praying for you...<BR>you know I will!<P>Jim

The pit is the worst place to be, especially if there isn't the Lord.<P>Remember the story about complaining your feet hurt and then being told about the man without any feet? I know it isn't much consolation in this frustrating time for you, but while you are in this pit/valley - be thankful you have the Lord to go through it with you.<P>I feel like Deb. Let's just shake some sense into her... <P>Another ugghhh thread, huh?<P>(((hugs)))<P>

Chris,<P>I am so sorry for the situation. I'll be praying.<P>I have to agree with Deb and TNT on this one too. I'd like to shake some sense into your wife too. <P>You do sound like a dream come true. After you get done sewing the dress could you come over here and buddy up with my husband? Maybe you could rub off on him. <P>I understand deeply your worry and love for your daughters. Just got done with a joint counseling session with my daughter. My husband is still here and it is tearing her apart. Has done so much damage.<P>Again, I will be praying for all of you. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Hi Chris -<P>So.....How'd the cupcakes and the Costume come out?<P>Saying prayers for you all!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Chris - It sounds like you are one great dad. I wonder if focusing more on your kids would help you deal with the terrible pain your W's separation from you is causing. I know when I was doing most of the child care in my 1st marriage while my 1st W was traveling around screwing execs (and others) of both sexes, I did find a lot of comfort in spending as much time with my son as possible. I think that was what enabled me to get through. I know that you're a terrific dad too. Keep making those cupcakes, guy! Regards and Blessings,<P>--Wex

Chris,<P>Just had to say that I cried reading your post. Whenever it comes to the kids I get all bleary eyed. That's my one huge weak spot (strong spot?). I can't bear hurting my son.<P>--andy

Well, I "supervised" the youngest making cupcakes. She did very well. Almost. She had the oven turned on 500, not 350. 18 minutes later we had 30 beautiful dark brown rocks! So I made some more after she went to bed. I didn't get started on the costume. I did lay the pattern out & pin it, but haven't cut it yet. (just call me Betsy Ross - LOL)<P>Wex (and all),<P>I'm not hung up on this all the time. Sure it s always in my thoughts, but I only feel really bad very occasionally. Most of the times I just shrug my shoulders. Right now I'm feeling real good. Sorta like, "she's not here, so what?" What else am I gonna do?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Chris,<P>What a great person you are. I don't know many men that would re-bake cupcakes for their daughter after they went to bed. Most people would hit the store on their way to work. And pinning the pattern- Oh, your wife doesn't have a clue what she is missing.<P>I friend told me today, that you would never see the mountain tops if you were never in the valley. That really made my day. <P>I know you are struggling. It has been a very long and weary road for you. I know in my heart that God has something VERY special in store for you and your girls.<P>Sending you prayers, strength and peace.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Chris,<BR>You do sound like a great dad. Reading about the cupcakes and the costume makes me so sad -it makes me remember what a good father my H used to be - my H has made their Halloween costumes several times and he was always the one to bake the cupcakes - and the Thanksgiving Dinner - etc. Now he spends hardly any time with the kids.