Okay, this is the topic probably since the dawning of the ages. I have brought up some plans to my spouse, and all of them he "did do" and doesn't feel that he should have to just do whatever I say all the time, that I should just trust him based on what his heart's desires are. And what do I hear? What I hear from that is, "I can do whatever I want, and, because you entered into a marriage contract with me, you have to deal with that." I see him protecting an affair. He has only confessed to hidden "episodic" pornography viewing on the computer, ubt it was only after I busted him. He went ot counsling after i told him I had planned on separating from him. I didn't separate, and still have many trust issues with him. I had gone to two counselors (on for me, one for us) in order to deal with the real issues here - lying, thinking it was okay, manipulation, deceit, etc.. and he ended up suggesting counselors who focus on "how" to communicate in marriage. Interestingly enough, they are two men who have said that bringing up these past "episodes' are only detrimental to us moving on. BUT, both counselors agree that due to the past offenses, if I do ask a question to my DH about what he's been doing on the computer, etc.. that he needs to answer me. Instead, he has been defensive, angry, & upset because I still "suspect' him of things. And, I do. I do not trust him because of the haughty, entiltlement attitude. I told him that. He just waits for me to cool down & forget about the issues. This is especially easy during Christmas/holiday seasons. I am pregnant with our third & last child.. running out of steam to care about these issues anymore. I cannot make him live up to what he committed to (individual counseling, he said he thinks it is not a productive use of our money or his time, and that he will be the judge of what is beneficial for himself & our marriage). I told him that I simply cannot trust him & connect with him on an intimate level because of this betrayal of trust & a contract (when I first found out, he passionately said he'd do what ever it took to help restore trust in our marriage, stupid me, I believed him). I have seen his underlying attitude get worse & worse, and I feel more & more stuck in the past, but with present suspicions. I hate it. I don't know what to do - are there plans for this area of gray & beginning to sink period?
