I guess we are too busy trying to save marriages to trash other boards! I am also thankful for this board and for posters like you who contribute so much to others. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PrincessMeggy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm glad you asked them that question, Meggy. I was lurking there and wondered the same thing. I don't think it's unhealthy to do some general gabbing now and then, but I am glad that the MB forums are structured enough to keep things on track. It really helps on my disorganized days!

Me too,
Like it says in the TOS,"...These are often raised by those who have not solved their own marital problems, but still feel they are qualified to advise others...", I am guessing that even though a disaster has brought them here, that they still are struggling with thier old way of thinking, trying to encorporate just enough of MB to not have to change it. They get offended because again when that way is challanged, it strikes a chord inside.

I think it says a lot that everyone puts up with that and just answers to any mis-guidance by pointing out where it doesn't line up with MB principles, which is healing for the mis-guided poster also.

I know it works for me, has helped me understand more about how important simple honest straightforward advice is the best way to get clarity and less drama. Many of us understand the pain of Adultry, but the key to Dr Hs success has been to concentrate on being and staying in love ,and dwelling on the past or figuring it out can definatly do the oppisite and keep people triggered while making the problems seem insurmoutable.

I have learned a lot that has helped me change my thinking habits here, and revisiting the pain is a waste of time.

I have a recurring mini-rant, sad observation. I don't understand how people expect success when they end up using the words "except" and "but" in applying MB principles.

Examples: There was full exposure EXCEPT to the OMW. I am in a dark plan B EXCEPT for .... those times I wasn't. My spouse and I are using the MB program, BUT we cannot find time for 15 hours of UA. My spouse has no contact with AP, EXCEPT at work (Why do I feel so bad?).

I learned the hard way about taking MB shortcuts. Maybe they would have worked in the long run; maybe not. It certainly made recovery VERY difficult for a long period of time - more than two years.

AM

gossip

when they gossip about others WITH you

they will gossip ABOUT YOU to others

can I get an AMEN!

I donno about the "amen".
But I do know that in taking my own inventory, gossip is not something that I have been proud to put on my resume.
It's there.
I am not proud.

Everyone has been a gossip.
Gossip is so destructive it is prohibited by a commandment.



Gossiping seems so innocent, but it is so very not innocent.

You're right, and I have eaten fruit from this shameful tree myself. More than I'd like to remember.

If I don't want other people to hurt me with their words.....I shouldn't hurt others with mine.

I try to build a habit of not speaking if whatever I say has a "but" attached to it. Butts stink.

Gossip reminds me of attention getting.
I don't care about getting attention, but doing the wrong things to get attention like gossiping or worse cheating on a spouse, or attempting suicide when not getting the attention you want is so childish. Is there any other way to convey that you want attenition?

Just don't be like Neil:
Young Ones - Who likes me!

"Do not witness with your mouth that which you have not witnessed with your eyes" -- Spanish proverb

* * *

My rant for today

Negativity!!

Negativity is so contagious! Negative people are SO contagious!

It takes so little energy to be negative....it really requires very little 'food' to sustain it and make it grow.

Problem is, negativity will consume everything that you are and everything that you have!

By contrast...

Positive energy is harder to start gathering, and requires more 'food' to feed it in the beginning.

But, once you get it going, its self-perpetuating!

Have a wonderful, positive day, everyone!! I sure am!!

There is also guidance in the scriptures about going to a brother and sister with something you have in your heart against them. I guess that would eliminate a lot of gossip, and require to get the guts to confront them too.

My Dad used to say, "If you don't have something nice to say about somebody, don't say anything at all"

Took me time to realize this was his shorthand lingo for a guy who did not read and write well, but had a lot of conviction. The wisdom is now apparent.

Not a rant.

I wanted to say how much I like the idea of a negative rant about negativity on the rant thread.

A good chuckle.

AM

Oh But that implies negativity about the negativity about the negativity,,,How will we ever stop it at this rate, or will we keep it going.


J/K AM, a wise and hilarios observance Ah misery does love company huh?

Wondered if anyone was going to see the irony in that

I chuckled as I wrote it

OK a real rant.

When a poster brings up a hot-bed issue, relating to thier personal life and R/L drama, and other posters give thier outlooks and experience...

Why do others think it is an opportunnity to attack others and get the thread locked?

The temptation to get on a soap-box and preach idealistic beliefs in a situation that calls for realistic views to help people think through conflicts, and ignore the facts and realitys of human nature, is just the opposite of what these forums are for.

The forum is to help people see that they are human, and to help them recover thier marriage through MB principles. The principles are based on facts and truths of human nature. If they are confused as to human nature and the results of adultry, we are here also to help them in that understanding. Not perpetuate the continuance of ignorance of wishful thinking and pointing out the obviuos fact that if we could all think before we acted, we might have acted differently.

I am reminded of someone who once said to me, "If you could just get them to think before they pushed the panic button". I said "Ok sure, when they are pushing the panic button, I will tell them that"

The paradox is obvious.

*********edit********

Rants are ok, folks, but restarting a debate from a locked thread is not. Please keep this in mind when you post your rants.

Thank you