If you are ordering, you need to also get Effective Marriage Counseling. Since you post so much to newcomers here, it will be a REAL EYE OPENER.

Well here I am again, feeling just as I did on D-day. As I said before my H only tells me the details after I find them for myself. The story he originally told me was the PA happened at a conference and was not planned. My H and OW only planned to have dinner together. I now have proof the entire A was planned. There was no conference, although he still claims he didn't plan to have sex with her while on this weekend away that they both planned. I just don't believe it, I am not sure I can believe anything he says....I think he looked forward to being away with her. Today, he still says it was the biggest mistake of his life, he loves me, wants our family... but all the lies he told over and over to cover up that that he planned a weekend away and he wanted to be with this woman takes away all the positive things he has done over the last year to repair our marriage. I feel like he will never be completely open and honest with me. This sucks that I feel like another Christmas maybe ruined. So now what?? Where do I go from here??

I forgot to mention, I feel like the only way I will know the truth about the entire A is if I confront the OW. Specifically, My H planned to be away 2 nights on this weekend at a conference (the conference was a cover for going away). They had sex the first night, and he said he left immediately after sex and told her they made a mistake. He says he went to a different hotel and used a fake name and paid cash, so I have no proof it this is true. I want to know from OW if they spent both nights together to verify if he is telling me the truth about leaving her immediately. Should I contact her?

Make an appointment with a polygraph tester and tell your H the day before the test. Give him this opportunity to prove his truthfulness. Hand him a list of questions and give him 24 hours to come clean before the test. Watch him sing like canary before the test!

He will not tell you willingly, it is like pulling teeth. Contacting the OW will not help you.

I had a family member run a polygraph on his WW, it was most effective and stopped the dripping of information.

Other than a police station, where would I find someone to do a polygraph?

How much should a polygraph cost?

In the meantime, assume he is lying. Quit trying to believe him - it's a waste of energy. If he wants you to believe him, the onus of proof is on him.

If he wants you to believe the A is over, he needs to be transparent. It's not your job to follow him around and make sure he's telling the truth.

Snoop by all means (that is done for a very different reason) - since he's lying and changing stories on you, he may well be lying about the NC.

I also totally agree that you contacting OW for any reason is worse than a waste of time. She's a liar and cheat, too. You can believe nothing that she says.

In addition to exposing to OWH (if there is one), and your and WH's families, I would add any close friends who would be able to support you during the trials of R and possible FR. Especially with a limited family network, you need to have friends around you, knowing what has been going on so they can be there for you.