i will explain the situation and would appreciate your advive and thoughts .
I was in a relationship for 10 years and engaged to be married to my partner .She had 3 children who i supported and treated as my own and see me as their father . I told my partner i loved her evry day and always found time for the relationship .In 2009 my partner started a new job from day 1 a fellow employee of hers made it clear he wanted her as he asked a friend of mine to arrange it the other person was told that she was in a relation ship and their was a family involved to which his answer was i dont care .The home relationship deterioated after this and my partner became very selfish in fact went from a very loving protective person towards to the children to a selfish person who didnt care about anything but herself . By December 2009 i was prepared to move out my partner asked me to remain and try to sort things out .Febuary 2010 we went on holiday we returned 2 weeks later .I then found a secret mobile phone which comfirmed that my partner had been having a affair with this person . When confronted the other person threatened my self the way he had done previous to my discovery of the affair. In May 2010 i moved out my partner kept in touch with me and expressed her wish to make things work . From then up until present she has continued to speak visit and sleep with the other person irepective of my feelings . I have broken away on a few occasions to give her the space to sort things out but to no avail as he constantly txts and phones the questions i need to ask are
1) As much as it will hurt me do i walk away
2) is it normal for a person in love to text and phone 30 - 40 times a day even when asked not to or is this obsession
3) Someone who pursues something irrespective of their circumstance is this love or control

many more details can be posted if needed your comments would be welcome

@steviem -

Let me ask you a question.

Do you wish to have this XGF as your wife?

Welcome, Stevie.
I have a couple of questions:
Who owns the house you both lived in before you moved out?
Did you move back in?
Was your girlfriend previously married? What happened with the father(s) of her children?
When was your wedding supposed to take place?
Are you financially supporting her in any way right now?
Is the other man (OM) married?

Give us a little more info and we can answer your questions.

Yes.
Yes -- it's the infatuation aspect of love. It is very analogous to an addiction -- actually infatuation manifests itself in some of the same brain-chemistry patterns as a drug addiction. But if she's texting 30-40x per day to this other person, the person she's in love with is him, not you. I'm struggling with your freestyle punctuation there, but I think you're asking, is the other guy a control-freak because he keeps in contact? Have I got that right? Can I just tell you something: The other guy is a creep, but he also may think that your partner is available. The main reason he thinks she's available is that SHE has given him every indication that she IS available. Otherwise, she would tell him to bugger off, and get a court's restraining order if he persisted in contacting her. Or at least she'd change her phone number! But she hasn't even taken that simple step! Why not? Because, the fact is, she has made very clear to him that she LIKES his attentions and wants them to continue. That has nothing to do with the other guy, and everything to do with your partner's complete lack of (1) respect for you and (2) boundaries with respect to relationships.

Stevie, dating & engagement are like a job interview for marriage. For your partner to have an affair during the engagement period, is like going to a job interview and taking a steaming pee on the desk of the person whom you want to hire you. My question for YOU is, why in the world would you want to hire such a person? Why would you want to marry and assume legal obligations to a person who treats you this disrespectfully?

Again: You seem to be under the misimpression that your partner's straying is due to the other guy's attention. This isn't the case. It's due to your partner's lack of boundaries.

@GloveOil,

"All that is required for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" ~Edmund Burke


Love this quote. It should be the tag-line of PlanB!

The answer to your question is yes after a failed marriage (to young) and a six year relationship failed i still consider this person to be my soulmate

the answers the house was in my girlfriends name
i have not moved back in
girlfriend is not previously married the father of the children left the relationship
wedding was supposed to be this coming july
i am not financially supporting her
the other person is not married was in a arranged marriage ended 5 years ago

Stevie, dating is a job interview for marriage. It sounds like she has flunked this interview and is not marriage material. Best to move onto to the next candidate.

Good luck!

RUN, do not walk away from this situation. She doesn't want you!

Correction: She may want you, but only for free baby-sitting services for the children ("who i supported and treated as my own and see me as their father" - ughhhhh) she created with the guy BEFORE you while she does the nasty with the guy AFTER you, to create the next brood.

Among all the opening notes I've read on this board, yours wins the prize as presenting the most feckless, ineffective whine.

As you bolt from this train-wreck, remember it's all about HER:
HER house
HER children
HER choices
HER happiness

You don't enter into the equation at all.

Stevie, I'm not sure this is going to work for you. Look, you were basically roomies with benefits. Your GF has a history of non-commitment. She obviously does not respect marriage and doesn't see the need for it. She is independent and is able to support herself.

I was looking for any inkling of even hazy commitment, but it's just not there.

I'm sorry, Stevie.