NEW YEAR'S DAY UPDATE:

Got up this morning after going to sleep at 11:30 p.m. -- no, I had no New Year's Eve plans; I ran a 10K at 3:30 in the afternoon and another 5K planned for 10:00 a.m. this morning (yes, I'm probably certifiably nuts) -- and checked my email. What do you know? A Happy New Year message from her in my inbox!

She told me of her experience at the art exhibit, made a recommendation or two, and then said, "We'll find something to do together soon." I took this as my opportunity to invite her to my friend's party+anniversary on the 15th. Even if we don't wind up going, I'd say the door is certainly open for another date!

Way cool, Fred!

I asked woman #2 out today. Pardon me if this is long; I tend to get windy.

I was asked by one of the elders at church today to assist with communion. As I was carrying the glass of grape juice to the communion station, I noticed #2 sitting at the end of a row. She gave me a smile and a small wave. I smiled back.

She was the first in line at communion. After service, I asked her if she wanted to go see the art exhibit (I've mentioned this exhibit before). "Today?" She asked. "Right now?"

She had to decline, but she told me two important things. Her response was, "I have a commitment to a singles group this afternoon." In doing so, my take-away was that (1) she's single, and (2) if she hadn't made a commitment that others were relying on her, she might have given it more thought.

I left the door open for something another time.

My mistakes: I didn't ask for her phone number. I didn't commit to anything specific in the future.

But I wasn't rejected, either. The book from which I took this thread's subject says that "guys ask, women don't." So I'm deciding to participate in my own life.

I'm learning.

but you will see her again at church. That is different than a random person who you might never see again, which is on what alot of the books focus.

As long as you are open, meeting people, and finding activities to do together, eventually you will be gun ho at participating in your own life.

www.meetup.com and search for interesting activities in your area.

as long as you are meking a sincere and purposeful effort, you eill eventually get rewarded. keep it up.

wiftty

Fred,

I have this vision of the scene from Sheepless in Seattle with Tom Hanks , when the back ground music of " Back in the saddle again " starts.

That's totally you now, some where on your thread just a month or so ago you were questioning ever being able to ask a woman out again.

I have to say I'm enjoying every minute of your drama,

I think Shakespeare might have penned my life as a "tragi-comedy."

And this is one of the most important lessons in dating - confidence gets results, and results get more confidence and more results!

For most newly divorced, the idea of asking someone out on a date is awkward, after years of no practice. And that awkwardness shows. But, get a date or two under your belt, realize that the opposite sex is as interested in you as you are in them, get that confidence back, and the dates will just come pouring in.

Gotta love it.

AGG

It's neat to see your confidence develop. It will get you results!

Confidence levels must be directly proportional to energy levels.

I have felt very lackluster today. I even napped twice (I don't usually nap)! I decided to pass on going to the meeting woman #1 attends (I'm no longer leading the discussion series) today. I had hoped she would respond to my email invitation but there's nothing from her so far. Maybe she has been waiting to talk with me face to face, but I don't feel up to it today.

I may send her another email later this evening. Right now I'm just letting my own thoughts get the better of me. I think I'll just have a light dinner and spend some time in front of the TV. The NFL regular season is over, so there's no football on tonight...

lol, do you inversely proportional?

I just wanted to let you know I think it's great how you asked out the second lady at church. It's romantic.
A friend of mine was talking with a 95 year old lady recently who told her "love can blossom at any age" - I thought that was beautiful. This person's grandma fell in love with her first love again after her husband had passed away. She was 80 at the time.

I hope you enjoy the excitement of this part, even with it's potential and actual let downs, dopamine highs and lows.
I hate my divorce for my kids and I'd rather be happily married. And I realize this part will get old too, but it's kinda fun, no? At least, as we've talked about, it beats dealing with an unfaithful recalcitrant spouse.

Opt

Fred, are you okay? You sound like you're coming down sick or maybe a bit depressed or something. (Just don't self-sabotage, you're worth it and deserving of good!)

I wondered myself if I might not have caught a bug. I went out for a run today and am feeling much better.

I called and left a message for #1 just moments before I logged on to MB. So I guess I'm feeling okay.

Two things that I have to remind myself of:

• My timetable is only one of three: God and women have their own.
• It's entirely possible that #1 (and #2) either don't find me an irresistible catch and/or they are content taking it very slow to see how things progress.

I am aware that impatience is a serious character defect, and that I have to take things as they come, and not try to force everything.

Thank you for your concern and encouragement, KC.

Hmmm. No answer to either my email or phone call. Perhaps I should get prepared to be rejected. Or maybe I'm just too impatient.

In any event, I think I'll leave the next move up to her. There's a chance we'll be at the same meeting on Friday. If I don't hear from her before then I'll just be casual and friendly with her the next time I see her.

Hey Fred,

I'm not really one to be giving dating advice, but will anyway so take it for what it's worth.

As confident and self-assured as they appear, I can assure you that these women are just as insecure as we are. They have the same thoughts going through their minds, "Is he going to ask me out, I've been giving obvious hints?", "When will he call again, it's been two days since we went out?", "why hasn't he asked me out again, didn't he like me?"

I can understand the hesitation for asking someone out the first time, that can be pretty daunting. But, if you both had a good time and want to follow it up, then you need to be a little more attentive.

I think you've given woman #1 mixed signals at best. 1) It doesn't seem like you called her or talked to her days in a row following your date, 2) You said you wanted to go out again, but didn't make a firm committment and left it open ended. Kind of sends the signal that you're not really into it. 3) Thinking about setting your next date for Jan. 15, Really? that's three weeks away!

Here are some tips we can all find helpful.

- First, always get their CELL number. No one answers their home phone anymore. Plus, you can always send short little text messages that show you are thinking about them without the nervousness of a full blown phone conversation. Much more comfortable.

- When you ask someone out, either on a first or follow-up date, and they say yes, keep pressing forward right then until you have a firm day and time. Nothing says I'm not really that interested like asking them out, then saying I'll get back to you later to plan something.

- For us shy types this is hard, but if there is a genuine interest then you won't scare them away by contacting them too much, as much as it may seem "pushy". Woman want to be pursued, they want to feel special, want to know you are thinking of them. If you've gone on at least one date and both are enthusiastic about more, then there should be nearly daily contact.

Hey schtoop, thanks for the advice. A lot of good thoughts there.

I've also been following your tale, and you seem to have progressed a lot farther than I in much shorter time! Good for you. And good for your kids!

In the "watched pot never boils" department, I just came home from having my hair cut and found an email from #1! She has accepted my invitation to the party on the 15th and added some other commentary. Her last words were, "I'll be home tonight, probably on the treadmill."

That sounds like an invitation to call to me!

Now you're getting it!

We spent about an hour on the phone this evening, talking about the museum exhibit, places we've traveled (and would like to travel) to, foods we like, music and bands we've seen, job futures and more. The longer we talked the easier it seemed to get.

We're on for the 15th. She may also show up this Friday at a friend's anniversary celebration...

So you know you need a plan for Friday

She shows, you have fun , so take her out for desert after the party, or something better.

Oh yeah one other thing when you go for a run with her don't run her in the ground !!!

Thank you for your comment.......

Sorry, I haven't been on line the last couple of days...computer problems which I've finally resolved.

red, it sounds like it's going well and you're starting to get it! Yes, women drop hints (like "I'm going to be home tonight, probably on the treadmill") it was a definite invitation to call. No one can just come right out and say "call me", they have to drop hints and leave it to the other one to decide if they WANT to, so when they DON'T, it's taken as "not interested". Ahh if only we could come out and say what's on our mind, but we can't we'd spook each other off if we did that! Ha!

I'm glad you're feeling better...