Hi, Everyone on MB!

I know there is a lot of you suffering out there. A lot trying to recover your marriages, some feeling hopeless. I want to give you hope from someone who has gone through Hell and is back on top again....

I don't post here much, but I have a thread somewhere under Raquel73 - probably way buried from forever ago. I am not the best about keeping up with threads (or e-mail, facebook posts, or texting). I do read here all the time and know pretty much everyone's stories. I am rooting for all of you!

My ex left me for someone else, an older Ho on her 5th marriage. He lost his mind. We have 3 kids. I did not know of MB until about 2 months before the divorce (Aug 2007). I did everything wrong. It was 2 years of Hell which almost broke me, I went through a pretty deep depression and was almost to the point of a breakdown. We lived in TX at the time. Ho and her Husband moved to Ohio. One night in October 2007 my ex just took off to OH; he left his job, apartment and everything behind - I was left in a tiny apartment with 3 kids, a broken down car, no child support, and I soon lost my job. We packed up and moved to Northern California in January 2008, borrowing money from different relatives which barely got us there. We lived with my Grandmother for a little over a year. It was extremely difficult finding a job - I swallowed my pride and worked many temp and seasonal positions. May 2009 we moved to ghetto apartments, but it was ours. Them, in August 2009, I was offered a temp position with a company that sells almonds all over the world. Even as a temp, they treated me well and paid well. February 2010, I was made a permanent employee. In May 2010, we moved out of the ghetto apartments to a very nice rental home in a good area with good schools, within walking distance of my work. My kids required a lot of therapy and work over the divorce, but they are happy now. Just this month, I got a huge Christmas bonus and found out I'm getting a 30% raise to start off my New Year. We go to a wonderful church where I have lots of friends who support and pray for us. I have made friends with the Moms and the teachers at my kids' schools. My oldest son is 16 and takes guitar lessons - he practices all the time. My younger son is 13 and wrestles and plays soccer. He is very popular at school and has tons of friends. My daughter is 10 and is such a free spirit - loves to sing and play.

And my ex - well, funny thing is, once he got to OH to be with his GF - well, that relationship just died. Very quickly. Once I was nowhere in the picture, it just wasn't interesting anymore, I guess. By April of 2008, he was laid off, had no girlfriend, and totaled his car. He had to call his Mommy and Daddy to come up there from Oklahoma (where we're both originally from), to come and save him. They are extremely enabling so they did. He lived with them for a long time, and recently moved into his deceased grandmother's home with his younger brother. His parents had 3 boys - my ex was the oldest - and all three are divorced and sponging off Mommy and Daddy. The youngest has drug and domestic violence charges. My ex sacrificed everything for his affair. He lost his wife, his kids, his money, his job, and any self respect or dignity he ever had. OW got off scot free. She sacrificed nothing. My ex sees his kids maybe 2 - 3 times a year. Half his check is garnished for child support. I saw him a couple of weeks ago when he came to visit the kids (1st time in 3 years he made the effort to come and see them). He looks horrible. He is overweight, has a scraggly beard, hair is graying and looks generally nasty and grimy, his clothes look worn and threadbare. We are about the same age (37) but I am always told I look like I'm in my late 20's.

This year we had the best Christmas ever!!! It has been 3 years since the divorce, almost 5 years since he started the affair. And I am so much better off and happier than I ever was when I was even married. Life is good. It was extremely rough during the affair and soooo hard during the unemployment and having to be on food stamps and medi-Cal and all that. But I now have a great job, unbelievable health benefits, great kids, wonderful friends, and a decent income. Stay strong, everyone, and hang in there. Whether you recover your marriage or not, you will persevere.

Oh, and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

Raquel73
Me 37
Exh 37
DS1 16
DS2 13
DD 10
02/2006 - ExH moves out to pursue affair with OW
08/2007 - Divorce Final
Today - My life is great!!!! ExH - Not so much - Karma's a b!tch

Congratulations Raquel!

Personal success IS success!!!

Not all marriages are meant to be saved. Sometimes we have to admit defeat on the marriage and strike out on our own. To work hard, to presevere, to succeed due to our own convictions IS success!!

Congratulations!!

Job well done!!

Amen!