Where do I start? I am a 27 year old male married to to the love of my life a 22 year old female with a little girl 11months old who changed my life when she was born.

My wife and I decided to move back closer to her family about three months ago and had been staying with her parents until we could find a place we liked. My wife doesn't take change well and she suffers from major depression and takes medication for it. She has 6month cycles where she does good and then seeks attention by doing anything that could jeaporized our marriage.

I just started a new job which requires me do be a away for long hours each day and leaves me exhausted when I get home. When I had gotten home this past Monday night I had went to bed with my wife and had awaken to her up using the restroom, when I reached under pillow I found her phone to be under it which was strange... When I checked it I found texts messages from an ex boyfriend whom she dated back in high school and had sex with multiple times. I asked her how long this has been going on for and she said two weeks. I had asked her to break it off and she said it was over but I found out the next day she was still speaking with him, so I took her phone and would not let her have it back.

After all this she became angry and said she did not love me anymore and threw her rings on the floor. I had dealt with this in the past once but she said they were only talking when we lived down in Florida. I figured this situation had to do with her depression but she has been lying about everything. I called one of the numbers on her phone and it turned out to be the ex's wife. OMW asked how long I knew about the situation and I had said for one day. She explained the affair had been going on for over three months. I had asked my wife where he was located and she stated four hours away but after speaking and meeting his wife I found out they had been in our town since last Thursday for the Holiday. When I met with the wife she showed me all the texts and how they had inmate phone sex.

My wife stated they have not had a sexual contact but since I work all day and she taking care of the baby I don't if that is true. The ex's wife stated he had left the house multiple times for hours at a time with no explanation. I cannot believe she would crush me like this and hurt our beautiful daughter. I tried to blame her mental state but don't understand how she could give up five years of our life in just one night??

His wife explained that he has committed adultery three times in the past and he is using my wife. The wife explained that when they were having phone sex he would show it to his friends and the friends told his wife what was going on. I told my wife what he did and asked her if " this sounded like a man who respected her?" I have always held my wife in high reagard and stated to her many times that I would lay my life down for her and the baby.

I have been thinking about the pistol in my room all day wondering if it's worth going on but then I think of my daughter. My wife was the first love of my life and to think he would violate her like that. I cannot deal with the pain and I still love her deeply..

Just read your post and know exactly how you feel. There is no feeling like it. But you will get through it, and this website can help you immensely.

I seldom ever post anymore but if you are thinking of harming anyone, including yourself, please call someone close to you and talk with them. If you have no one you can talk to, call a pastor or member of the clergy. Doing something rash while under the influence of intense emotion is not the answer.

These forums will be very slow for a couple of days with the holidays, but there are many people here who are very active and genuinely care about your situation.

Continue reading about affairs and what it takes to survive when one impacts your life.

This site can help you save and recover your marriage, so don't give up!

The best tool you hav e to end this affair is to expose it to everyone you, your wife know family, friends, neighbors everyone!

Affairs threive on secrecy the longer you wait to expose the longer YOU are enabling her to have this affair.

Plus if its so right for her to sleep with this man why not let everyone know?

That is your first step in recovering this marriage, will she be angry? Oh yes but your marriage can and will survive her temporary anger but it will not survive with another man.

I thank you both for responding. I have been spending most of my time speaking with family and friends about the issue. I made sure to call her Mom first and let her know what is going on so R****** couldn't lie to her. I was suprised when her mother came to my door and hugged me and said I am very sorry. She is trying to be the mediator and push both of us to marriage couseling.

I was preparing to travel with my wife up north with her Mom and Dad for Christmas but since all of this I've decided stayed home by myself in much pain. I don't even get to spend my daughter's first Christmas with her. I believe my wife is not in the right metal state and I told her as I have in the past that being a manic depressant she is looking for a high to self medicate and it will not last and she will regret everything once she comes down from this high.

This guy is in the Army and will be going back to Iraq in three months. I explained to R******* that he with is wife and they have no plans to get divorced as he has previously promised my wife. She loves our daughter but lately everything she has done has been completely self absorbed. As an example I gave her phone back trusting her after we had spoken with her Mom that she would go to couseling. As soon as they left for the trip she began calling him again and I had to suspend her phone line. I then check our account to find that she had spent over $100 for a prepaid phone just last night to continue speaking with him. I canceled her card and transfer all the money in my account. We don't have much and I cannot afford for her to do these types of things when I am thinking about clothing, feeding and taking care of our daughter.

This is why I am thinking she is having a depression attack she would never try to hurt our daughter. When I had found about this situation I was up all night and had to call in to my employer whom I have only worked for about two months lying that my daughter was sick and in the hospital. My wife after the fight just went to bed? She hasn't apologize and when I said I can't go to work like this she said be a man and support your family. I don't know this person anymore??

While the Marriage Builder's website cannot become involved in threats of this kind, please know that your pain is taken seriously. Please contact a suicide crisis center in your area, call 1-800-SUICIDE or call your family physician.

You have used proper names in your posts. If they are the real names of the people involved, you need to go back and edit them out so you can retain your anonymity.

tl

Very good that you are taking control you are on the right track, keep exposing can you expose on the om side his family? His friends? That might be a good. idea. Can you expose to his officers I know infedility is very bad if your in the military anything that you can do to stir up the affair.

Read up on plan a and plan b read the carrot and the stick to plan a and work the plan.

Keep taking things away that is supporting her affair my husband blocked facebook so keep going.

Your doing great have you got the book surviving an affair? If not get it and read it.

Good luck

Go ahead with a full exposure of the affair to all people close to you and your wife; people who are supportive of each of you and your marriage. Remember, exposure is an act of love, and its not to be done in a manner other than just to inform people who can influence your wife to quit the affair and return to the marriage. It is not an act of vengence!

Learn all you can about the OM and expose to his parents, and others who might influence him to quit pursuit of your W. If you can find out who his commanding officer is, that would be huge, as the military frowns seriously on affairs.

In the mean time, read all you can about Plan A, being the better choice for your W, and continue to thwart the A as you have with constant monitoring, canceling the phones, etc. You have good instincts but still, read all you can, as some of Harley's methods are counterintuitive.

Read about Harley's "love bank" theory and start meeting your W's needs to begin filling hers. Spend as much time "courting" your W as you did when you first met. Special restaurants, destinations, and attempt to spend 15 hours of time with her every week without others around. "Couple time". Fill her love bank and follow up on the exposure process to attempt to get "NO CONTACT" (NC) in place with the OM. Once that happens, you will watch and support her go through Withdrawal, as affairs are basically addictions.

Affair partners are not in love, they are addicted to the way they feel when "in touch" with each other. The affair continues because they continue to seek the next "hit". Their weakened boundaries have allowed them to immerse themselves in the drug of illicit relations. The A is no more than a high. Withdrawal will take 6 weeks or more, and NC is imperitive during this time.

You have a lot of work ahead, so take care of you, and stay strong. You have to believe in what you are doing to get through this. Keep posting and by Monday there will be many "regulars" back to give you better advice than mine.

Hang tough!

CB, can you tell us a little more about this? What kinds of things does she do every six months?

How long have you been married?

PLEASE continue to think of your daughter. Add to that, think of your parents, your siblings, your friends, your coworkers. And understand that taking the action you considered will hurt many, many of them.

What you thought about I came so close to doing on the morning after I discovered my WW's actions. I wavered between hurting myself and hurting the OM for hours, until I finally came to the realization that very many people, who knew and liked me, would have to wrenchingly change their opinion of my strength and ability if I took either of those courses. Doing either of those things would have been, in reality, self-sentencing myself for the sins committed by my WW.

So I ask you to be strong. You can get through this . This site is electronic proof that survival and recovery after infidelity is eminently possible. Talk to us here, and we will help.

(Ironically, today, Christmas Day, is the 18-month anniversary of that awful morning.)

CB return here. I'm praying for your return.

Expose to the OM's commanding officer with your proof of phone records and damaging emails and texts. They should issue him a cease and decist contact order. That might be enough to scare him straight.

Now if there wasn't a child involved, I would have advised you to divorce this woman. She is young, immature, and very flawed. You made a mistake choosing this woman as your partner to have children with. She is not emotionally stable and will probably cheat on you again in the future. She needs proper treatment for her emotional disorders, but even then, you should make sure there are extraordinary precautions put up to prevent her from cheating again, because she will if given the opportunity.