Good points, dkd. And it's more than BS' who hate infidels, any person who is decent will despise wrongdoing. That is just a sign of decency. Cheaters are mean, and mean people suck.

It's easier to type than adulterer, as well. My fingers keep running away with me and I type adulterererer.

Well, I guess considering I'm not a BS, I hate the act, but not so much the person and can be a lot more forgiving/forgetting. I tend to think of people as mean if they are doing what they're doing for the purpose of hurting people. Cheaters do it for their selfishness.


Honestly, when it comes to dating, I'm just as weary of women who gave up on their husbands rather quickly then I am of women who cheated, but that's another topic.



And FYI, not crazy about infidel, simply because depending on your religious perspective, much of the world is full of infidels. Relatively speaking, I'm proud to be an infidel.

Adulterer is waaaaay too long! I have opted for hobag, skankyhola or loserOM to save my fingers some exercise. Another hated long word is "alcoholic." I need to think of a good option for that.

I agree it can tend to be rather broad sweeping and vague out of context. But used on an infidelity board, it works quite well!!

Alkie?

I find that lying, cheating, gutless bastage is too long, and it also tends to get me censored, for some reason.

Let me know what you come up with. Every time I type alcoholic at my normal typing speed, it comes out 'aclocholci'. And I'm not even drinking!

Drunk works best I think, alkies are drunk 75% of the time anyway.

LoL...well this topic took a rather fun journey to something new. Good times!!

I guess I get a "pretzel in my head" (**Talladega Nights) because I've worn the shoes of the BS and the WH. Maybe I just process the information and things said differently because I'm both. No worries - we all deal with our stuff in our own way.

My term keeps getting edited for TOS and language.

Any male adulterer speaking that FOG carp is the equivalent to the dirtbag OM I had to deal with.

I came very well within a hair's breadth of opening OM's mind.

You may be correct. She does seem to be happier or at least less stressed with me out of the picture.

Just to add two cents to this thread.. I realize that much of my situation sounds like cheating (though there was no infidelity on either side) but some people really do love their husbands and aren't "in love" with them.

Some of this is my own mental problem, reactions to childhood abuse I'm working through, but there are very few men I was ever romantically attracted to in my life, and my ex was not one of them. He knew this when we started dating, and it was the bane of my marriage. He did me wrong in many ways, but this about me always hurt him.

There were a few guys in my life (including my ex) that I felt LOVE for, but only recently feeling romantic love again, after being single for a year and a half, and dating someone who (in the beginning) I did not feel romantic love for at all. He was a nice guy, good looking but there were no "warm fuzzies" until after we'd been dating for 6 or so months.

Now, having felt that, I most certainly won't go back to the other kind of relationship, where I just have "love feelings" for someone like you would a brother or sister.

I know that's not how most people's relationships work. I know that most people who hear this are dealing with a cheating partner, but I just want to post my experience because someone may be on the receiving end of someone like me (like I was) who might honestly be unable to give them the love they deserve/seek til they do their own healing personal work.

Daisy,
I think you bring up a good point - not everyone defines "being in love" the same. I would venture to say that not every spouse who feels they love their spouse but are not in love with them actually tell their spouse in those words. It appears when it is said (in those exact words) - especially mentioned on this site - the spouse saying it has their foot halfway out the door.

Gg

In answer to the question...if BOTH cheated then BOTH are waywards.

Oh this IS a fun board!!

Pariah:
"Opening his mind"...what, with a hammer?

I think it means exactly what it says. "I'm not interested in you romtanically."

I agree with you Greengables, but if you ask around here it is usually some sort of "code" for "I'm having an affair".

IT IS. We hear it all the time on the SAA forum. Dr Harley says when someone says that it usually means they have a new point of comparison and he is right. People that fall out of love, just say "I don't feel the same." But those who are having an affair say "I love you, but am not in love" because they are comparing.

Thats ok if you don't want to believe it. You don't have to.