Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by dkd
It's quite understandable how BS's have a big dislike (hate maybe) for waywards, especially if they aren't taking full responsiblity for their actions. I doubt they feel like it was justified, even if their spouse didn't love them anymore.

Good points, dkd. And it's more than BS' who hate infidels, any person who is decent will despise wrongdoing. That is just a sign of decency. Cheaters are mean, and mean people suck. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I use wayward because it is easier to type than infidel.
It's easier to type than adulterer, as well. My fingers keep running away with me and I type adulterererer.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
D
dkd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
Well, I guess considering I'm not a BS, I hate the act, but not so much the person and can be a lot more forgiving/forgetting. I tend to think of people as mean if they are doing what they're doing for the purpose of hurting people. Cheaters do it for their selfishness.


Honestly, when it comes to dating, I'm just as weary of women who gave up on their husbands rather quickly then I am of women who cheated, but that's another topic.



And FYI, not crazy about infidel, simply because depending on your religious perspective, much of the world is full of infidels. Relatively speaking, I'm proud to be an infidel.

Last edited by dkd; 12/28/10 03:55 PM.

Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I use wayward because it is easier to type than infidel.
It's easier to type than adulterer, as well. My fingers keep running away with me and I type adulterererer.

Adulterer is waaaaay too long! I have opted for hobag, skankyhola or loserOM to save my fingers some exercise. Another hated long word is "alcoholic." I need to think of a good option for that. think


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by dkd
And FYI, not crazy about infidel, simply because depending on your religious perspective, much of the world is full of infidels. Relatively speaking, I'm proud to be an infidel.

I agree it can tend to be rather broad sweeping and vague out of context. But used on an infidelity board, it works quite well!! laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Another hated long word is "alcoholic." I need to think of a good option for that. think

Alkie?


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Adulterer is waaaaay too long! I have opted for hobag, skankyhola or loserOM to save my fingers some exercise.
I find that lying, cheating, gutless bastage is too long, and it also tends to get me censored, for some reason.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Quote
Another hated long word is "alcoholic." I need to think of a good option for that.
Let me know what you come up with. Every time I type alcoholic at my normal typing speed, it comes out 'aclocholci'. And I'm not even drinking! laugh


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Drunk works best I think, alkies are drunk 75% of the time anyway.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 80
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 80
LoL...well this topic took a rather fun journey to something new. Good times!!

I guess I get a "pretzel in my head" (**Talladega Nights) because I've worn the shoes of the BS and the WH. Maybe I just process the information and things said differently because I'm both. No worries - we all deal with our stuff in our own way.

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,037
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Adulterer is waaaaay too long! I have opted for hobag, skankyhola or loserOM to save my fingers some exercise.
I find that lying, cheating, gutless bastage is too long, and it also tends to get me censored, for some reason.

My term keeps getting edited for TOS and language.

Any male adulterer speaking that FOG carp is the equivalent to the dirtbag OM I had to deal with.

I came very well within a hair's breadth of opening OM's mind.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 41
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 41
You may be correct. She does seem to be happier or at least less stressed with me out of the picture.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 412
Just to add two cents to this thread.. I realize that much of my situation sounds like cheating (though there was no infidelity on either side) but some people really do love their husbands and aren't "in love" with them.

Some of this is my own mental problem, reactions to childhood abuse I'm working through, but there are very few men I was ever romantically attracted to in my life, and my ex was not one of them. He knew this when we started dating, and it was the bane of my marriage. He did me wrong in many ways, but this about me always hurt him.

There were a few guys in my life (including my ex) that I felt LOVE for, but only recently feeling romantic love again, after being single for a year and a half, and dating someone who (in the beginning) I did not feel romantic love for at all. He was a nice guy, good looking but there were no "warm fuzzies" until after we'd been dating for 6 or so months.

Now, having felt that, I most certainly won't go back to the other kind of relationship, where I just have "love feelings" for someone like you would a brother or sister.

I know that's not how most people's relationships work. I know that most people who hear this are dealing with a cheating partner, but I just want to post my experience because someone may be on the receiving end of someone like me (like I was) who might honestly be unable to give them the love they deserve/seek til they do their own healing personal work.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
Daisy,
I think you bring up a good point - not everyone defines "being in love" the same. I would venture to say that not every spouse who feels they love their spouse but are not in love with them actually tell their spouse in those words. It appears when it is said (in those exact words) - especially mentioned on this site - the spouse saying it has their foot halfway out the door.

Gg


D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I use wayward because it is easier to type than infidel. smile
rotflmao

In answer to the question...if BOTH cheated then BOTH are waywards.

Oh this IS a fun board!!

Pariah:
"Opening his mind"...what, with a hammer?


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
I think it means exactly what it says. "I'm not interested in you romtanically."


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 80
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Greengables
I think it means exactly what it says. "I'm not interested in you romtanically."
I agree with you Greengables, but if you ask around here it is usually some sort of "code" for "I'm having an affair".

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Captain76
I agree with you Greengables, but if you ask around here it is usually some sort of "code" for "I'm having an affair".

IT IS. We hear it all the time on the SAA forum. Dr Harley says when someone says that it usually means they have a new point of comparison and he is right. People that fall out of love, just say "I don't feel the same." But those who are having an affair say "I love you, but am not in love" because they are comparing.

Thats ok if you don't want to believe it. You don't have to.



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5