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Joined: Dec 2009
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My friends, I�m sure many of you are really hating 2010. If you�re hurting, odds are that 2010 has been a terrible, life altering year for you.

I wish to offer a message of hope.

2006 was the worst year of my life and 2007 wasn�t all that much better. I hurt. It was a constant, non-stop ache that was always present in my chest. (For men, I strongly recommend you get your blood pressure and heart checked. I have an enlarged heart from the high BP that came with my WXW splitting.)

You see commercials on TV that make you cry. Movies make you cry. Songs make you cry. The loss of the family and the absence of your spouse are holes that feel like they are deep within your soul.

I was there.

You may not believe me, but things will eventually get better. It won�t be right away. It will probably take a few years, but things will get better. You will either have your WS return, or you will have them move on and you�ll D. Both are difficult in their own ways.

But the pain eventually subsides. From my perspective, my WXW never returned. There has never been an apology. There was a nasty custody fight. But things have settled, and much of the healing that comes from the mess you�re experiencing is simply the fact that you have to adjust to the new normal.

You eventually get to the point where you don�t miss the kids when they�re gone so much as you find yourself looking forward to their return and planning what you�ll do with them when they�re not with you. You�ll learn to like the free time you have when you don�t have your kids and can rediscover things you�ve put off or have wanted to do for years.

You�ll even rediscover love someday. It might take some false starts with a few dates with new folks. But eventually you�ll find someone that excites you and who may be a real upgrade from the WS that left.

This might even be the returned WS who has changed into a person willing to rebuild a new marriage!

But I simply wish to offer you the words of encouragement. Hear me now and believe me later: you won�t be hurting forever.

In 2006 I was homeless and living with friends who were kind enough to take me in until I got on my feet. I had no job. I was separated from my kids. I was newly divorced and away from all my family and friends.

Four years later and I�m remarried to a wonderful woman, I see my kids regularly, and have new friends nearby.

I do lament that I can�t see my kids more often, but it is what it is. When you have lemons, make lemonade and maximize the time you do get.

It is great to see the influence on your kids, even if they�re not with you 100% of the time. My daughter made me proud this year. Her mother (WXW) isn�t religious and regularly reminds the kids that she�s not. Well my DD was shopping for a Christmas pin with my wife. She had many to pick from. She chose one that said, �Keep Christ in Christmas.�

I was proud of her. I was proud of her and happy that the things I am teaching her are sticking. They may not stick forever, but they�re there now.

So to all of you hurting souls, remember that things get better. 2010 sucked for you. Bid it a fair adieu and look forward to 2011. Make it your year. Bid rock bottom goodbye and look forward to what is ahead.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And to my Jewish friends, Happy Hanukah.

To my atheist friends, Merry Festivus! Enjoy the airing of grievances!
happynewyr santa001

Joined: Apr 2010
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Thank you so much for the encouragement. I found out 17 months ago and still feel like I will never get over it!

Happy New Year to you !


Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!
Joined: Sep 2010
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Nice post, HTLD. It's hard for me to believe right now that there is an end to this pain and sadness. It's nice to hear the story of a survivor.

Joined: Mar 2010
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Hi Help,

What a wonderful and hopeful message. I am not in your situation, but I have seen your posts, and what a great person you are!

The best,

Tom

Joined: Dec 2010
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Thanks for the post..
Bring on 2011


H : 36
WW : 35
Kids 3.5 / 6.5
Together 16 years
Married 6 years

D Day 2nd August 2010
Plan B 25th December 2010
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 491
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Thank you for a great post - let's have a great 2011!

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Thank you for encouragement. It is very needed at this forum. So much hurt here, and yet - so much help! So sad that we all come here after the fact... Yet there is future and life GOES ON!

LIVE,LOVE, NEVER GIVE UP...

Joined: May 2008
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Nicely written. Thanks for the reminder of better days ahead.

AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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I've got a great job and a great wife right now. The fact is that I wouldn't have either if I didn't go through what I went through.

Sometimes a marriage can't be saved, and in the end it is for the best. My parents have a relationship now with my kids, which they really didn't before because WXW kept them at bay.

My wife now is a great match for me. We are different enough to keep things interesting, and we're similar enough that it makes for compatability. She's great with my kids and they love her.

So things may really stink for you right now, but you never know what is in your future.

My brother told me 3 years ago that my bad karma would come to an end and the good karma would balance it. He was very right.

So keep the faith that no matter how you feel now, things will get better.

Joined: Sep 2010
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Thank you so much for those wonderful words!

I'm so glad things are working out well for you!

Good riddance, 2010, here's to a great 2011 everyone!!

happynewyr


Me:44 BS
H:45 FWS
Married 22 yrs
Together 27 yrs
3 children: 14, 12, 9
EA then PA: Oct '09 - Aug '10
DDay: 8/20/10
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 126
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I guess we all have to go through a little pain in order to get to the good stuff. Personally I have focused on the negative qualities of my spouse that I almost let this wonderful man slip away. I love him very much and in 2011 my goal is to show him how much he means to me. Love is in the air!!

Thank you
Good Luck and Happy New Year to All

Joined: Jun 2010
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I so can't wait for this year to end. Hopefully things will be on the up and up come 2011. First is to win my DV case, that will show me how 2011 will go.

HTLD's, great post, and I know it's all true. Day by day, I see myself rising back up, slowly but surely. You have been a great help to me personally. Thanks

Joined: Jan 2010
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Thank you for the message of hope; I am ready to see 2010 come to an end. Much like yourself I am still feeling that "hole". It is nice to hear a story of survival.
Thanks again


Me:BW
Dday:12/31/09-Found MB 01/03/10
3DstepChildren24&20
PlanA:01/03/10
PlanB:03/25/10
D final 11/15/10

"I dare you to find some time and some place to be silent for longer than usual; a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours. Listen to your heart, listen to your soul; and most importantly, listen to the silence to see what it sounds like and how it speaks to you."

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