So how do others implement this?

We both work and need to communicate about the children? She is a mobile hairdresser and sometimes I have been available so to speak to grab the children from around the place because of the odd hours she works.

Do i now put together a monthly roster and just stick to it and how can you enforce it? She has far more flexibility in her work than I do and has spoken about 1 week on with the children / 1 week off. I can't do this setup with the kids and my work and actually don't want to as I want to be part of there life's daily.

How do others communicate regarding the children? in Plan B

Already doing no Facebook, no email

WeSH, you need an intermediary (IM). An IM is a person who intercepts all emails, phone calls, texts, etc. from WW, and then filters out all but the pertinent facts that you absolutely must know and passes the message on to you. The IM also sends just-the-facts messages from you to WW.

That's how others do it when communication about the children is absolutely necessary.

ITA with Saph and Mulan. I also want to add that you need to even keep the communication between you and the IMs to a MINIMUM. You need to get DARK. That means NO texts. NO calls, NO emails, NO CONTACT OF ANY SORT. That even means that you can't look at her, you can't look at a picture. You will even need to stop thinking about her, but we will get you there.

Also, you do need to get this visitation straightened out. You will need to find a way to exchange the children without having ANY contact with your WW and without your WW having contact with your house or dog. She is getting a family fix when she enters that house. Don't let that happen.

You CAN do this

Guys I need to vent.
As you know I have had the boys for the last 6 days as she went on break with OM.

Tonight I get this text

"The children came in and said daddy will kill (OM name) if he comes anywhere near the house. I have been hammered all day that u r not a fit father and r doing the children damage F@#king shut ur mouth put ur children first"

I am absolutely screaming mad at this point. Please somebody give me the strength to put up with this. It really is so hurtful.

Change your number, get an IM NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. That's my advice.

Also, when you are talking to the kids or around the kids, think first, "What would a judge say if he heard these words on a VAR?" Then you will be safe.

Need to work something out, it's just harassment. I do like the bit however where she says she has been "hammered" (obviously by OM) all day about me being a fit father, not bad from a guy with no kids, and no idea about parenting. Unbelievable the rubbish that comes out of their mouths.

What Scotty said. Cut off this communication.

So...this guy who thinks you're unfit to parent because you're ready to kick his adulterous [censored] for screwing around with your wife? Is this the same guy who told your WW she should lock your 3 yo away in a room? Man, has HE got it turned around.

I'm just saying...

Thanks all, I just need to put it all into perspective, it is so very hard to keep a cool head when some POS tells you how to be a father and the WW believes it. I never responded, and she would be expecting it (she knows my personality)and how to push my buttons. I have more self esteem and respect for myself than to go that low.

It was just so predictable.
Anyway back to Dark Plan B

WesH, what are you going to do to correct this BREACH of Plan B? Are you taking any steps to correct this or are you going to continue to be abused by your WW?

When you enter Plan B, you need to PLAN ways around these types of things. You need to protect yourself.

Here, think about this. How MAD are you at your WW RIGHT NOW? How quickly is your LB going DOWN? How long do you think it will be before you HATE your WW? How long do you think it will be before you dont WANT to reconcile? That is ONE of the purposes of plan B, to keep your LB high enough to get through recovery.

I understand what you are saying,

I need to get a IM, but family are all a long way away and we are not very close and is it to imposing asking a friends?? All my friends have there own life and children to care for. I would feel like a burden.

As far as LB heading South, yes it is, but being here on these forums allows me a little insight into what is going on with this alien. The knowledge and feedback from these forums helps me just decipher the babble talk and keeps me moving on. I guess I won't really know what damage is done until down the track. At this moment however I still have great memories of a loving wife, this is just like dealing with a separate person.

It is fine to use a friend. I used friends. I am actually on my third IM in a year. It is because the first ones didn't get on a computer very often, the second one, while a good friend to me, doesn't like my WH and would use the IMing to impose how SHE thought he should treat her. My new IM I have GREAT faith in, although, nothing has had to pass through her yet.

I used EMAIL IMs.

You can have someone FAR away be your IM as long as they are willing to pass on EMAILS, and are able to check it at least once a day. You can go to yahoo and create an account, give them the address and password(tell them to change the password so you won't be tempted to read the emails).

How old are your children?

As far as your LB, you won't realize that your LB is gone until IT IS GONE. And then, it will be too late.

That is PART of Plan B. We are trying to help you.

Thank you Scotland, your input is great appreciated.

My beautiful boys are 3.5 yrs and 6.5 years old.

Your children are young still. You may need to have somewhere where you can do drop offs and pick ups. Is there a friend or neighbour where this can take place?

If the visitations are on a schedule, that means less IM messages. Get everything figured out today. That way, you can get into Plan B and start reaping the rewards of personal recovery.

Hi guys,

Got a message from my IM today. My wife has sent a message saying "Hey Wes, I'm going to keep the kids tonight as im on holidays and need a few extra days with them. Its only fair"

I have been in Plan B only the shortest time, and haven't made contact with her since Xmas. We have a child schedule that is setup and is easily run when we are both working but it is holidays.

Is it best for my IM to send a simple message saying its OK and allow me to stay a lot darker or fight to get the kids tonight.

I have no fear with her taking care of the kids. Their safety is fine.

Thoughts?

Did she offer to give up any of her days with them in return?

This looks to me more like she's trying to call the shots, rather than negotiate with you. Wasn't she aware of her upcoming vacation before? Why wait until tonight to tell you about it and her wanting to keep the kids?

@WesH -

It is not a matter of them being safe. It is a matter of her making decisions concerning the kids with an agreement from you beforehand. Do not let her set this precedent concerning the custody of the children.

My answer:

Hi all, I have managed to get a list of the OM facebook friends list. Can you point me in the direction of where to go for sample exposure letters that can be sent. Is it legal as well? Are there any consequences?

Thanks

Do you have a legal order established? Is there a legally binding agreement?

There is no dictating of visitation when an agreement is in place. They can only be modified through mutual agreement and not through, "I'm keeping the kids more because it is fair."

My response to her would be, through the IM, "WW, we have an agreement. Please abide by it. I do not agree with you modifying it without my consent. If you do not abide by the agreement and return the kids in accordance to the schedule I will be forced to call the police to enforce our order and will have to take you back to court. Please abide by what is written."

This is the ONLY way to deal with a fogged out and entitled wayward.

Hi Guys, just a update.

Day 12 of Plan B.

I feel like I am getting stronger and stronger by the day. I don't know if something just clicked in me but it took me 5 months to really understand I Didn't Do This, become a man.

I found good help in a few close friends that have been ringing me daily to keep me strong with Plan B. They organize outings and always prop up my self esteem when I need it.

Yesterday was fantastic, I was out with friends enjoying the beach when I didn't have the kids. We then decided to go fishing so I went home with my friend close behind (we were only going in one car and I was dropping mine at home). When i got home my wife was at the neighbors house who was having a bbq. She was out the front of the house in the passenger seat of her car on the phone. I arrive home (next door) and she open her car door (that's how I noticed her). Then 2 seconds later, my friend arrived, I jumped in his car and we were gone. It was one of those moments, she knew I wasn't waiting around at home moping.

then today....
Got through my IM this the first of her texts.

"Hey Wes, just checking u all good for the boys tonight at 5 (well cause i am that's the arrangement) Also need to organize school uniforms for both boys need what you have and school shoes (u seems to have all their shoes) Thanks. (School not back til Feb 2nd)

Response through IM
"He will be there at 5, that is the arrangement"

then got from IM from WW about 2 hours later (maybe not happy with response)

Also can you please ring HBF (health fund). I'm organizing my own health insurance and medicare and have you also done ur tax I'm waiting on rent assistance ta (Hell no I haven't and will prefer the fine from the tax department)

Told IM there is no need to respond. (I will only talk to her about kids and marriage)

So there you have it.

Also found this great post that helped me do a dark plan B.

**edit**

Wes keep the distance do not engage. Keep with your good mates and LIVE a active life. Let her stay in affairville unit and steam away.

The Rent Assistance or CRA is NOT subject to your taxable income but assessed on HER income - including any child support from you - as she has separated from you. That's just an excuse to restart & maintain her contact with you.

Request your IM to advise her to contact CentreLink in regards to the CRA if you wish to respond in any way. He does not have to advise any more.. or even that really. Even better ...She can work it out by herself.

For your info ... She has to go in and claim it. Evidence can be varied from pay slips or pension records if she is claiming Single parents etc or bank statements supporting showing deposits matching arrangement with you for child support. CentreLink will advise her on what is required. They can even put it in writing.... If any info is required from you again no direct contact is required.
My thought .. let her solve it and don't support her actions in any way.

HBF doesn't matter I would think. If she stays or does not stay on your HBF I don't think it saves you any $. Check it out for YOU though just in case you can save a few quid. Quick call to HBF help line. Keep the kids on your HBF. Tell her nothing in my opinion as she is "organizing my own health insurance and medicare" ... so let her.

Remember .. you are NOT her best buddy ... you may perhaps consider being her husband again one day .. in the right circumstances and her commitment to working with you on the M... unconditionally.

"Told IM there is no need to respond. (I will only talk to her about kids and marriage)" ... PERFECT

Stay dark.