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#2456863 12/27/10 03:24 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
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My ex wife and I divorced about 3 months ago, and I still have feelings, but just dont know if I should keep trying?
The last 2 month living together I find out that my ex wife was lying to me about who she was going to see. She said that she was going to her friends house but all that time it was really her new boyfriends house. Yes we were talking about splitting up and trying to see if we could work out living in different house, but I guess that wasnt the case. during those last 2 months when we were with each other, she wanted to lay with me and cuddle and it really seemed liked she wanted to work on things. Then I find out it was all a lie, and that she had another man during that time. It crushed me, she is the mother of my son and I wanted it to work so badly! I no I wasnt the perfect husband, but I was always willing to try to make things better in hopes that we would be how we used to be with each other. I never cheated on her, I always supported her and my son and I truly think I was a good husband, but she just never saw that. I moved out and we divorced. I gave her the house, and after that she had her new bf living with her. a few months went by and I still missed her. I dropped my son off to her one night and she invited me in. she told me how much she missed me, and how sorry she was. She told me she was still in love with me. i stayed the night with her, and we stayed up talking, kissing and just having fun. for once I felt happy again. the next day I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out still like she sayed she would and she never responded until 5 hours later. She told me that all last night was just a mistake and that she wishes it never happened. I asked her if she still had feelings for me and she said I dont have feelings for you the way you want me too. It hurt so bad, and I no I am better off without her, but part of me is still telling me to keep trying. Any advice??

Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 25
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Sounds like she's a cake eater. She has you on back up in case her boyfriend isn't giving her enough. I feel your pain, truly. My STBX wants nothing to do with me and I'm crushed by his new loyalty to his new GF after so many years of it being my own. Maybe if you detached yourself from her, don't allow yourself to go down that road, you will begin to see things in hindsight a little more clearly. It'll be further away if you don't let yourself be invited in, allowing you to detach yourself from a situation that isn't fair to you at all. Or, at least, I'm hoping that's what works for me, since I have no other alternative. lol We're the OM and OW now...


ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
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Posts: 3
yes i see where you are coming from and thanks a lot for your help, i just hope all this gets easier because right now i feel crushed that someone could do this.. i no i deserve better, and i no i will get better but the hard thing is lookign for someone wile you still are inlove with someone else

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Posts: 25
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I know how you feel, I feel the same. But if you can't make them love you, then you're wasting what you have to give and not getting anything in return. You're allowing her to partially control you. If she wanted you, she would be there with you. But you're feeling the same loss many of us here are feeling. The same rejection.

Let's put it this way, if you had been able to look through a crystal ball and see what you see today when you guys first met, would you do it again now? Would you allow yourself to do what you're doing now? I keep telling myself this in the hopes that I'll move on down the road (mentally, I already moved 14 hours away lol).

Anyway, life is so short and you just happened to find someone who wasn't your match, as much as you wanted them to be, and as much as it feels like you're going through a quagmire of BS to get back to where you were, you will, but you have to allow (and force) yourself to do that too.


ME: 36
WH/STBX:40
Married: 2/14/93
A: 5/04
Seperated/Divorcing: 8/10
DS: 11 (autistic)
DS: 13 (aspergers syndrome)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
If she makes any attempt to be intimiate with you again, then make absolutely sure that she knows you have no interest in that until the the BF is gone, and that she makes a commitment to actually working on the relationship. Her behavior is not acceptable.

I realize you are divorced now, in which case you have every right to just move on. It doesn't seem like you are quite done though, so I think you're justifed in treating this as if you are still married in some fashion. Just make sure that you are firm with her and don't allow her to use you again. Don't allow the cake eating, for her sake, yours, and even for that other guy. It doesn't do anyone any good.


Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964
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Intimate,

Another point if your Ex-Wife is having sex with her BF, then you don't need to catch an STD she got from him.

Was the BF the cause of your divorce?

God Bless
Gamma


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