soblue, please ask your MIL to kick him out of her home. Tell her you got good advice from Marriage Builders that letting him stay there only enables his affair. It makes it easier for him to carry on his affair.

Does she know he is cavorting with this skank from her home? And more importantly, WILL SHE CALL UP THIS SKANK AND RUN HER OFF? If my son were acting so shamefully, I would run off the OW by paying her a little visit. Will she do that for you and your kids?

MBJG, can you please help her find some information on the OW? A facebook page would be ideal.

There are always consequences for adultery, and you are most unfortunately experiencing the bulk of them.

Even if the school system is unconcerned about the morality of the situation, it is very concerned about reckless behaviors that leave the system open to possible legal action.

No, it's not that he's violent. He just knows my weaknesses and how to expose them. He's can be very manipulative and his threat about massacre me in a dirty fight are real. I don't know how or want to fight dirty. I want to see the good in people and not fall to their level.

Well, are you up for a nice, clean fight to save your marriage?

soblue, you've got to stop distracting yourself by dissecting good vs. evil, mean vs. nice. None of that is important for what you need to do.

Don't base your actions on what your WH may or may not do, or what kinds of threats he cares to spout. The fact that you are doing so means he is successfully manipulating you right now.

There is a course of action that you need to take, but you have to lose this fear of the unknown.

soblue, now is not the time to allow yourself to be driven by fear. So your H wants to fight dirty? You will have much more power if you fight CLEAN. Expose his darkness and do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Your H is lost and if you allow him to manipulate you, your children lose. Stand up for them and fight for your marriage and your children's family.

Your H already has enough enablers in his life, he needs someone to stand up for him and take a stand when he is LOST. Can you stand up for him?

It's not a matter of 'falling to his level'. It's a matter of bringing him back UP to the level he once was. Time to put on the big girl stuff, stand up to him (calmly) and save your marriage. Believe me, I don't post much or often, but I've been around these boards and reading them for over 2 years. MelodyLane will NOT tell you wrong!! Listen to her. My backbone was so stiff, I thought it would break..and guess what? It didn't, he threatened for 4 hours and as I stayed strong and got stronger, HE backed down. Believe me...he was TRUE to the Script for Wayturds...word for word. At this point, your WH has already 'left'. What do you have to lose? NOTHING and EVERYTHING TO GAIN.

Does anyone have a good no contact letter? I need to keep him away from me right now and for a while. I just saw him when he dropped off our son and I feel so vulnerable and weak. He brings out the worst in me.

Could or should I show these posts to MIL? I need to have her support in what I'm about to do. She will be my contact person for child/children.

Today is our child's birthday so I feel extremely sad, almost as bad as Christmas Eve.

He's done this to me before and I swore I'd never feel like this again. All words, this time it's worse, he left. I was never able to prove he was having a physical affair but it was definitely an inappropriate relationship. Is it even worth trying to save the marriage so that he can do this to me again?

You need to have someone that is NOT emotionally involved/invested in your marriage. Someone neutral that will keep all the 'crap' out of messages that need to be passed. I'm not sure MIL is a good choice for that. Support...yes.

soblue, I would focus now on exposing the affair. Get that done first and then we can help you with Plan B.

You feel vulnerable and weak because you have BEEN vulnerable and weak. You will feel much better if you start fighting for your marriage. Part of the reason your H is so entitled is because he has got away with this before. I would not let that happen again.

Has your son been exposed to this skank?

soblue, I would ask for her support by asking her to contact the OW and to boot your H out. I worry that she will bring your H here, though, so I wouldn't show her. She might not be the best IM for your children since she cannot be a neutral party.

My son knows that his father has a new girlfriend. He has not met her. He guessed who she was though when we talking about it last night. I didn't deny or say yes. Just asked him why he came up with that name.

soblue, your son needs to be told that his father has abandoned his family for an adulterous affair. You need to stop covering for your husband and tell that child and everyone the truth. That is sickening that your H is allowed to poison his child with his filthy affair as if it is ok. He is trying to drag your child into it in an attempt to normalize his filthy affair.

Set that child down NOW and tell him the truth. Tell him WHY adultery is immoral and that you are doing everything in your power to save his family.

Tell that child the truth and get on the phone and start exposing this affair. Tell your scummy H he is not to introduce this child to his filthy affair or you will be filing for divorce and prevent him legally!

soblue, you need to BUCKLE UP HERE, GIRL! This is the OK Corral and if you don't start standing up you are going to lose your marriage.

A "girlfriend"? That is not a "girlfriend!" That is an ADULTERY PARTNER. Don't help your H teach that boy that wrong is right. That is gross parental neglect to go along with your H's corruption of that child. Don't let him screw with his head like that!

It is your God given parental responsibility to teach that child right from wrong.

Is there something I can put on his phone to find the numbers that I need?

What #s do you need?

I need OW's and some of his friends.

Flexispy works for recovering any info including deleted texts on cell phones.

Change this updown, soblue. Your H does not have a girlfriend. He has an adulterous affair partner.

You don't want something as scuzzy as an affair to be equated one day with your son's first date. That's a girlfriend.